Sunday, December 28, 2014

Being a Burden


We all start out as burdens.  Not devastating burdens, usually.  But for the first 40 weeks of a human's existence, he or she is putting a woman in some sort of discomfort.  Be it sciatica, morning sickness, hormones that make her emotional.  Pregnancy is a blessing for most, sure, but that doesn't mean it isn't a bumpy ride.  Here's the thing, though: being a burden is not inherently bad.  I mean, sure, you might be causing a woman to have shooting pains throughout her legs, but you're also bringing her happiness with your kicks and stuff.  


I watched this video a little while ago, and it reminded me of Brittany Maynard.  I don't want to get into my opinion on whether or not physician-assisted suicide should be legal right now, but I do want to talk about something that I've heard frequently whenever that discussion takes place.

"I don't want to be a burden to my friends and family."

I've heard that from people who are sick, and I've heard it from people who weren't sick, but were trying to make a point.

The problem with that particular argument is that it's too late.  We're all part burden.

I didn't have the most, ahem... loving family experience growing up.  But, I distinctly remember going with friends to their families' homes.  I remember walking into a friend's house and greeting her ailing aunt, who couldn't quite feed herself or finish sentences, or make it to the bathroom every time she needed to go.  She was, frankly, a bit of a burden on her family.  But you know what?  She was a total blessing.  They remember her with nothing but fondness now.  And even then, they were happy to visit her.  No one enjoys helping another person use the bathroom.  No one loves the idea of running up and down the stairs a hundred times at night to refill a water glass.  But we do enjoy each other.  We do love each other.

When it comes down to it, I think we need each other.  Mostly for the good things.  The conversation, the support, the laughter.  But we all come with some bad stuff, too.  I have wonderful friends who I love, but that doesn't mean they never annoy me or that I never wish I could have a break.  But I'd rather deal with their problems than not have them in my life at all.

Yesterday, the daughter of a blogger I read passed away.  She was 22 and she had been a special needs child.  This mom wrote about her daughter for months, and people from all over the country prayed for her to have a peaceful death as it became clear that she didn't have much more time on earth.  I think it was probably very difficult for her family to care for her during that time.  They probably didn't sleep much, they were likely stretched thin.  I know that's how I feel when taking care of someone who is sick.  But I think it was probably worth it a million times over.  I think of my cousin who was killed after a motorcycle accident a few years ago almost every day.  His mom didn't get to say goodbye to him.  None of us did.  A man who heard the wreck held my cousin as he died and I'm so glad he wasn't alone as he left this world.  There are so many people who die suddenly, and so many people who never get to say goodbye to loved ones.  I think, even though it's likely the hardest thing anyone can do, caring for a person as they fall ill and as they die is a sort of blessing.  I mean, it's burdensome for sure.  I don't want to invalidate the struggle of it.  But I think getting to witness someone's last smiles or tears or words or breaths is the kind of pain that's also filled with grace.  Caring for someone you love is intrinsically good.  Supporting someone as they die is an act of love and in some ways, a privilege.  Not everyone is able to do those things.  

I'm religious and I think God makes every person, and I think every life is valuable.  But people who aren't religious can also appreciate that every single human being is different from each other.  Unfortunately, I think we tend to forget how amazing that is, whether we're religious or not.  I think if we did, we'd place higher value on life and on lives.  I think we wouldn't be so obsessed with the fear of being a burden.  Being burdened isn't fun, but it is part of knowing a person.  And knowing a person is a tremendous thing.  I mean, every person we know is a one of a kind.  How come we love owning one of a kind collector's items, but we fail to love knowing so many one of a kind people?  I think we need to remind ourselves of what a privilege it is to really know someone, and to remind ourselves that sometimes, shouldering a burden is completely, totally worth it. 

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Charlotte

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