The Pragmatism and Privilege Arguments - NY Election 2014

*I do want to mention that the author of the letter I reference here, and so many other people who are encouraging folks to vote for Cuomo on the WFP line, are, to the best of my knowledge, good people, smart people, and people who really want to help everyone and make a better world.  I understand that, despite the fact that I come off as... slightly angry in this post.  

Andrew Cuomo is, quite frankly, a bad person.  He is not just a bad politician.  He's a liar, a player, and overly ambitious.  He's shown us that he cares about himself more than he cares about any random stranger on the street.  

And yet, "progressives" are encouraging us to vote for him.  

Are you kidding?  

They're not.  And I get it.  I get wanting to believe that what the Working Families Party did was good.  It would be wonderful if the democratic party and WFP were good and could be reformed.  But they can't.  No party that sells out working people is a party worth voting for.  

But a lot of people say that voting WFP (for Cuomo) is the best way to send a strong message and to get real results in fights that matter.  (Fights like the one for publicly financed elections, a minimum wage raise, the decriminalization of marijuana and so much more.)  This open letter is a perfect example of the effort people are giving to get Cuomo elected on the WFP line.  

Go read it.  It's pretty bad.  

Real quick summary of most people's arguments:  He's going to win, he might as well get as many WFP votes as possible, because it'll send him a message that we're expecting him to follow through on his promises.  

Talk about defeat.  Let me just make this clear.  The only message Andrew Cuomo will receive if he gets a ton of WFP votes is that his strategy of bullying and manipulation works.  We will have told him that he can threaten us into obedience.  

My friends, that is NOT a message I want to send.   

I want to address a few of the problems with that letter. 

1. "Then the unexpected happened. Governor Cuomo caved. At the last minute, he pledged to push through Fair Elections. And that wasn't all. He agreed to a minimum wage increase with indexing. He agreed to pass the full, 10-point women's equality agenda. He agreed to push through the NYS DREAM Act. He agreed to marijuana decriminalization. He even agreed, remarkably, to help flip the state senate and push for a reunification of the IDC and the Dems -- making it easier to advance a progressive legislative agenda in 2015."  

Problem:  This is not unexpected.  A democratic candidate for a democratic state was threatened with a challenger, so he.... agreed to agree to align with his own party?  Wow, how monumental.  He didn't even give a strong statement in support of the positions.  he just said he would support them.  He could have tattooed the platform on his body and it still wouldn't be enough because agreeing to your own party's ideals is the fucking baseline for running on that line.  Cuomo did the bare minimum, let's throw him a spot on our line.  

2. "There were those of us (like myself) who didn't think his promises were enough. Who argued passionately for Zephyr. Who were heartbroken and bitterly resentful when the WFP state committee voted -- in an admittedly transparent and beautifully democratic process -- to endorse Cuomo. It was, I believed at the time, a violation of our principles and everything we stood for as a party and as a movement."

Problem:  The process underwent when the WFP decided to run Cuomo was the exact opposite of transparent and beautifully democratic.  The vast majority of WFP voters wanted the party to run its own candidate.  But it caved to threats from the governor and from unions (obviously not the rank and file members).  I mean I guess that's beautifully democratic in a sense that that's how democracy works in America.  But then, America doesn't have true democracy. 

3. "Despite feeling somewhat vindicated by Zephyr's performance in the primary, I gradually came to understand that my position was a position of privilege. You see, I am blessed not to have to work for minimum wage. I don't have to struggle to make ends meet, to put food on the table. I don't have to worry about whether or not I will be able to afford college. If I am caught smoking marijuana, the color of my skin means I won't spend very much (if any) time behind bars. And so I began to realize that the endorsement I so resented wasn't at all the "selling out" of the party we helped to build. It was, instead, an emotionally challenging decision reached after many hours of difficult deliberation by a bunch of kind, caring, strategic individuals attempting to use their little bit of influence over the governor to make life better, in tangible ways, for millions of struggling New Yorkers." 

Problem: I've heard the privilege argument from so many people.  They say that real New Yorkers need change now, and being idealistic and hoping for something that can't happen and protesting doesn't get us anywhere near real change.  If Cuomo will agree to support (so, at best, not go against) a fight for a $10 minimum wage, that's where we need to throw our support.  Because it's not fair to ask for more when they're not the ones whose lives are at stake.  

Well, my livelihood is at stake.  I don't always know where my next meal is coming from.  I lost my job a few months ago, and my life has become a constant struggle.  When I got food stamps a couple of months ago, I nearly cried from relief.  So fuck the argument that it's a privileged position to want more for NY.  I honestly need to know if anyone bothered to ask low income people how they felt before making this claim.  It is infuriating when people making a living wage do this act (wth good intentions, to be fair) to actually hinder real change.  

I make about $600 a month.  These bullshit political strategies to maintain power and maybe - maybe - get tiny changes or to get words of support from a governor who loves rhetoric but not action is not helping me.  Want to know a privileged position?  One that says dump your ideals and real problems and do what will keep the WFP alive.  This argument feels to me more like "stand up for the poor people, they need us!" than "listen to and then stand up with the poor people, we all need each other!"  And that is a very dangerous thing.  

I think, if people truly examined their own privilege (me included, because I may be living in poverty, but, like the author of the letter, I'm not black.  I'm not LGBTQ.  I have privilege too.), they'd see that the single best way to change this state is to vote your conscience (which may mean not voting at all this time around) and more importantly, standing up, arms linked together, and demanding more.  If we want to be realistic, this election isn't going to change things.  Mass demonstrations are.  Strikes are.  People doing things together, not strategized BS elections, are the real change makers.

4. "You can throw your vote away on a protest vote for Howie Hawkins and the Green Party. Or, you can vote on the Working Families Party ballot line to hold Governor Cuomo accountable to his promises to raise wages, pass Fair Elections, and make New York State work for all of us."

Problem:  I can't believe I have to even say this, but there is no such thing as "throwing your vote away."  How incredibly cynical and undemocratic.  

And a protest vote?  Howie Hawkins' platform is almost identical to my own.  He is the bravest and boldest candidate in this election.  A Cuomo win will not produce tangible results (not good ones.  I'm sure there will be tangible results as in more kids starving and things like that.), but a Hawkins win certainly would.  

5. "As much as we all hate to hold our noses when we vote, and as tempting as it might be to vote green, this is a time when we need to be pragmatic more than idealistic." 

Problem:  Ah, the argument that is made every single election.  We always choose the less of two evils, and we always get screwed over.  After so many years of that, I need to ask, why in the world do you still believe this lie?  Pragmatism has done nothing for me.  We need to be more idealistic and more creative in our ways of fighting oppression.  The claim that voting for Cuomo will achieve anything good is just absurd. 

Honestly, I'm hoping that very few people vote on the WFP line.  I'd like to see it go away, as it's nothing more than a puppet for the democratic party.  This election, I'll either be voting for Hawkins or for no one.  

If you want change, and you want things like a living wage, then you'll mix pragmatism and idealism and realize that voting for Cuomo isn't an acceptable thing to do and that voting for the lesser of two evils is not our only option.  We can put our bodies on the line, invoke the spirit of revolutionaries before us, and get back to the grassroots.  It is the only thing that has truly brought about positive change in this country.   

_

Charlotte 

Class Consciousness on a Thursday

Just to warn you…… this post includes different topics and there is very little structure because it’s not well thought out, it’s basically just coming from anger.

***

It seems like whenever I talk about class-related issues, I get called a Debbie Downer.  Usually it’s because I’m talking about things on a very small level, so people don’t get that I’m talking about actual injustice; they think I’m just complaining about little things again.  This is especially true when I’m talking to people who are middle or upper class. 

Here’s the thing though.  I don’t just enjoy bitching and complaining about everything.  And if you talk to my friends, I think they’d tell you that I’m generally an upbeat person.  I like obnoxiously laughing at bad jokes and I’m easily pleased by the little things in life.  Getting a glimpse of the sunset can make me happy as a pig in shit. 

That said, I do have a lot of things that I can complain about.  And I’m damn tired of people calling me out on it, claiming that I shouldn’t be so angry.  If anything, I should be doing more to highlight my struggles, and working to connect with other people who have similar struggles.  Because it is unacceptable that I am 23 and have the health of a 70 year old.  And it’s unacceptable that I work hard and have worked hard for so many years and am still dirt poor.  I have always been poor, I am poor now, and it is becoming abundantly clear that I always will be poor.  I don’t expect to be 23 and making $200,000 a year.  But I don’t think that my expectation that I should have a stable job with good benefits and a living wage (around $35-45,000/year where I live) is unreasonable.  I’m a fucking person, and yes, that does mean I’m entitled to certain things in life. 

I’m on this little “Debbie Downer rant” right now because I just had lunch.  Shortly after, I realized I had eaten too much.  It hit me that I do this pretty frequently.  I don’t like feeling sick after I eat and I don’t like gaining weight and I don’t like stuffing myself, so I started thinking about why I eat so much sometimes. 

I think it probably has something to do with the fact that food has never been a certainty around these parts.  I wasn’t always starving as a kid.  But there were bad times.  And when times were bad but not exceptionally bad, there was always the knowledge that things could get worse.  So now I guess I have that mentality built into me, and I don’t always realize that I’m acting as though it’s the end of the world.  I also do this with clothes.  A pair of pants might be too big, but who knows when I might put weight on and whether or not I’ll be able to afford new pants at that time.  Or what if a friend is in a bad place and needs clothes and these pants are her size?  I should keep them in case that happens.  Or in case my sister who is 13 years younger than me happens to wear the same pants size when she’s older and she needs clothes.  And blankets.  Oh, blankets.  There’s always the possibility that electric will be turned off and blankets are the only way to keep warm. 

Does all of this sound crazy?  Yes.  I realize that.  But it’s not crazy.  It’s how someone acts when they’ve always been in survival mode.  And it’s exhausting.  And infuriating.  I hate, hate that spring cleaning can mean mentally/emotionally struggling over a pair of pants.  I hate that I catch myself over eating or over buying (when I’m able to) because I’m not sure if I’m always going to have food.  I hate being exhausted all the time.    

I NEED TO EAT ALL OF THIS FOOD.  Because really, I might die.

And the lack of class consciousness and solidarity is fucking heartbreaking.  I was at work and some of my coworkers were talking about people on food stamps.  It was the normal stuff you hear, things about drug testing and poor people buying chocolate bars because GOD FORBID I USE ONE DOLLAR OF MY GOVERNMENT AID ON A KIT KAT BAR.  I mean come on now.  Give me a break.  (Ha, see what I did there?  Give me a break?  Kit kat bar?)  These were working people, too.  And I get it.  I do.  Because I was in school once and I read the textbooks that say hard work gets you money.  So I, even though I was poor, was someone who looked down on poor people (including myself) and made every judgment possible.  But at some point you start to realize that you’re in the same boat.  That you’ve been out of high school for a few years now, that you’re working hard, and you still can’t afford to sleep peacefully at night.  And when that happens you need to ask yourself if hard work really does mean you’ll make money.  And after you ask yourself that question, you’ll see that no, it does not.  Not often anyway.  Hard work alone doesn’t get you anything but a really sore body and/or mind.  And if you don’t realize all of this right away, FINE.  But then listen to fellow poor people and working class people.  And believe them.  Start developing class consciousness.

And honestly, this might sound harsh because it is, but evaluate what kind of person you want to be.  As recently as two years ago I was spouting some of that “well if you get two jobs and dress nicely you can get out of poverty” and “if you were really poor you wouldn’t be spending $5 on McDonalds” bullshit.  But then I thought about it, and I don't want to be someone who cares about a man spending $1 of his food stamps on a candy bar.  I don't want to be the kind of person who thinks wearing your pants around your knees justifies police brutality.

Poverty is more complex than that.  I’m going to write a follow up on how fucking hard it is to be poor but want to be not-poor, but I need to wait until my brain isn’t just a sphere of rage….

Speaking of rage.  STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE TO NOT BE ANGRY.  You know how people insult black people by saying, “it’s just another angry black wo/man.”  That is messed up, man.  First, anger isn’t what’s motivating every single thing every single moment.  Also, black people have every right to be angry.  We’re still a racist country and world and black people are losing their brothers, sisters, daughters, and sons every day, whether to murder, the school to prison pipeline, depression, what have you.  That is 100% justification for anger.  And when poor people complain about their struggles, stop telling them to shut up and stop whining.  Stop telling them to work harder.  We’re living in the richest country in the world, and we are starving.  And/or cold.  And/or sick.  For no other reason than we were born into poverty.  (I’m not even delving into intersectionality right now.) 

Similarly, stop shitting on the word “entitlement.”  I get that it’s hard to change your entire worldview from a capitalist one to a humane one, but people are entitled to a good livelihood.  In a world of resources (resources that are being depleted by the rich, by the way), there is no reason for poverty.  I wake up in the morning, and I should – absolutely should – have food, regardless of my character.  And while hard work should get you nice things, it’s also basic decency to keep people fed and clothed, no matter what.  And almost all poor people work hard.  Harder than most.  Yet they suffer in unimaginable ways.    

I get up every morning, go to work, come home, go back to work, come home, and go to bed.  I eat a few meals in between.  I postpone my laundry to days where I know I get my paycheck.  I pay whichever bills I can.  I leave $1.01 in my bank account so that I can fill my car up at the gas station on credit, knowing I have a few days before they take the money out, and hoping I can either ask a family member or get a medical reimbursement before then, or else pay the $35 overdraft fee.  It’s a constant nightmare and struggle.  I’m 23 and have to consider almost daily the idea of moving back in with my family, which is plain and simple bad for my mental and physical health.

None of this is okay, none of it is what any person deserves, and all of it is completely preventable with some class consciousness and solidarity.  The ultra-rich are the ones to blame and are the ones who must be stopped. 

_

Charlotte

Should poor people have kids?

Should poor people have kids?

(or, what started as a question about restricting family size for poor people but ended as a rant against an economic system that doesn't value human life at all)

Should poor people have kids?

To me, the answer seems obvious: Yes, if they’d like to be parents. 

But there are a slew of people who don’t think poor people should have kids.  Or that they should only be allowed to have one child.  (It worked so well in China.)

Let me backtrack real quick.  Yesterday this article was floating around a bit on Facebook.  One of my friends posted it and naturally, a discussion started.  And a few people felt pretty strongly that poor people needed to be more responsible when it comes to child-bearing.

A few “solutions” to this “problem” were suggested, but I’m also including things I’ve heard on TV or read elsewhere.

1. Job requirements:  Poor people need to be working if they want to get government aid.

2. Job and life training:  The government should provide job training for poor people, along with lifestyle training, such as hygiene related stuff.

3. Maximum time: Poor people should only be allowed to receive assistance for a certain amount of months yearly.

4. Limits and cut-offs:  If a child is conceived while a family is on assistance, they are no longer eligible for assistance OR that child will not get assistance (so they will still receive the same amount of assistance regardless of the fact that there’s another family member now).

5. Home visits: Check to see that the family is maintaining certain standards.  

Okay.  So, those are the main ideas I’ve heard from people in that conversation and in the national conversation. 

As someone who grew up poor, my initial reaction is something along the lines of: Kiss my ass.

For starters, people should be allowed to have kids.  As many as they want.  That’s an intensely personal choice between parents and families, NOT the government. 

Second, and this is kind of critical: poor people are poor because our economy is structured to KEEP people where they are.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.  We’re the richest country in the world and have the resources to make sure everyone has a decent living.  It’s not as though poor people are refusing well-paying jobs left and right.  They aren’t offered jobs with decent wages because hi, capitalism, let’s keep making the rich richer.  9 times out of 10, poverty isn't a choice, so it's really unfair to tell someone they can't have a family because they were born into shitty circumstances.   

But to address each of those proposed solutions without rambling too much:

1. Job requirements.  This is kind of funny to me, because anyone who is poor, knows the poor, or attempts to understand the poor is aware of the fact that there are no good jobs for us to get.  The minimum wage is $7.25 (just over $2 if you’re in a position where you get tipped) which is absolutely not a living wage. In New York, for example, the living wage for one adult is $11.50/an hour.  And that’s a low number.  The (laughable) federal poverty level is under $12,000.  Working for one year on minimum wage will give you a little over $15,000.  I don’t know one person who has bills and living expenses that add up to less than $15,000. 

My point is that even if a poor person is offered a full time job at minimum wage, it’s not enough to support a family.  If I had to take care of kids and I needed to choose between a minimum wage job and government housing and food stamps, I’d go with the latter.  Because the former cannot keep kids fed. 

(It’s worth mentioning that people usually aren’t offered full time work, because employers have to pay less in benefits for part time workers.)

If you want to require that anyone needing assistance has a job, fine.  But only when there ARE jobs.  What’s a way to do that?  Well, instead of giving enormous tax cuts to the wealthiest people and agreeing to expensive contracts, the government could tax the ultra-rich at a fair rate which could fund public work programs.  But hey, that’s just me.

2. Job training.  See above. 

People suggest lifestyle training because they think poor people are dirty, unhealthy, and don’t dress properly.  That’s often true – because they’re poor.  It’s nearly impossible to eat healthy food while poor.  What’s more, poor people work long hours, which means when you get home, you want to make a dinner that is quick and easy.  If folks were given fair work hours and more money, those issues would disappear.  As for the clothes, I get really angry when people criticize the clothes that poor people wear.  “They don’t fit properly.”  “They’re dirty.”  “They’re inappropriate, the men don’t even keep their pants pulled up.”  One, people can’t afford new clothes that fit perfectly or don’t have any stains on them.  Two, there are tons of studies on the image of men in poverty.  Go read them.  Looking like a gangster is a way of survival. 

Almost inevitably, someone will respond with, “Well, they should still have dignity.  They don’t have to act poor.”  To which I say:

Until you’ve lived in poverty and felt the crippling depression it leads to, your argument has no validity to me.

3. Maximum time.  Yeah, sorry, but this is America, land of the free if you’re wealthy and caged if you’re not.  Poverty here isn’t a short-term thing.  It’s a cycle and it’s manufactured and it doesn’t go away.  The vast majority of people who are born into poverty die in poverty.  Taking away food and housing for three months a year isn’t going to help that.

4. Limits and cut-offs.  First, it’s just morally wrong to let a person starve.  To withhold aid for any babies born while a family is receiving assistance is reprehensible.  And once again, it ignores the fact that poverty is something that doesn’t go away for most people.  If this were a socialist country where poverty didn’t exist and aid was only there for emergencies like sickness or loss of a job, some of these ideas might make some sense.  But it’s not.  People aren’t on assistance until they get back on their feet.  They’re on assistance forever, because there is zero social mobility.

5. Home visits.  No. 

It kills me when people blame everything on poor people.  When they throw around things like, “they’re having babies on the backs of taxpayers.”  (Also, from here on out I’m not calling them ‘taxpayers,’ I’m calling them the middle class.  Because poor people pay taxes too.  Not to mention they die due to things like unsafe working conditions or preventable chronic health issues while people with money get to go to the doctor.)

The middle class pisses me off sometimes.  The “expense” of taking care of poor people is miniscule when compared to the expense of taking care of rich people.  Their tax rates are horrendously low, they’re got tax loopholes galore, and the companies they own get contracts with the government all the time.  You know how expensive the wars are – and it’s the wealthy that are making money off of it (while those hand-out-taking losers bury their “spawn”).  It costs a ton of money to keep the rich happy. 

Honestly, it’s about time that the middle class opens their eyes.  You’re in the same boat as the working class, you’re just in better seats.  And if the rich for one second thought they’d benefit from it, they’d sink the entire boat in an instant without giving thought to your precious American dreams.  What makes me mad is the resistance of the middle class to any sort of understanding, nonetheless to solidarity.  I hear middle class people complain about things all the time – can’t afford college, house going into foreclosure, can’t afford more than two kids.  Well, guess what.  That is because the rich are obsessed with getting richer.  As things have gotten harder for the middle class, poor people haven’t benefitted.  The rich have, though.  The gap is widening.  The 84 richest people in the world own half of the world’s money, and you want to blame the poor people for your decline?  Or for your taxes going up?  If it was really the poor people stealing from you or causing your pain, they would have increased their wealth or at the very least maintained it.  But that’s not the case.  The poor are getting poorer, just like the middle class.  They’re going without water and food and shelter. 

If a poor person wants five kids, it is NO ONE else’s business.  For you to think that those babies are what’s costing this country so much money you’d have to flatly ignore all the statistics about the wealth in this country.  It’s going to the rich, not the poor.  And more than one person has made the argument to me that they can’t afford to have more babies, and they’re not on assistance!  So how come poor people should get to have babies that the government supports?! 

Hi.  The very fact that you can’t afford to have as many children as you want is proof that you’re actually very much with the lower class.  You don’t see rich people preventing pregnancies because of economic restraints. 

There’s nothing random about it:

First, the lower class can at least afford to eat and the middle class can own homes and cars.  The rich are wealthy.

Then, the rich want more.  So the lower class can’t afford to eat without assistance.  The middle class can still afford a home and a car, but they can’t afford to put quite as much money away for their kids’ college funds.  They’re getting nervous.  The rich are wealthier than before. 

Next, the rich are like, “hey, there’s still some money we’ve yet to grab.”  And now the lower class can afford nothing, the middle class can eat and pay most bills but their kids need to take out higher loans for school.  And they can’t have big houses anymore, only small ones.  Which means less kids.  Feeding them is too expensive.  And they become so scared and outraged (rightfully so), that they start looking for someone to blame.  The rich people have now amassed so much wealth that it’s super easy to consolidate news sources and convince the people who consume that news – the middle class – that poor people are the problem. 

And the sad part is that the middle class believes it.  So now they’re demanding and lobbying for restrictions on the lives of the poor – restrictions on family size – because they think it’ll keep them financially safe.  They don’t want to pay a bunch of taxes to support “unnecessary” children (there's no such thing as an unnecessary human being, by the way).  So now we’ve got a society where poor people are not allowed to have as many kids as they want.  The kicker is that the middle class is allowed to have as many kids as they want, but they can’t.  They can’t because they’ve wrongly identified the poor as the enemy and done what they can to keep them down, all while it was the rich who were manipulating the system and getting richer.  So now their goal of economic freedom is even harder to achieve, they still don’t have freedom of choice when it comes to growing a family, and they’ve burnt the lower class.  So now they’re kind of screwed.  (The poor are screwed too, but we’re also used to fighting.)  Luckily, there’s still hope.  Because, as statistics of the widening gap and shrinking middle class shows, the middle class is going to realize that they have much more in common with the poor.  And at that point, we’ll join together to fight the system that’s put all of us down. 

Moral of the story – there’s no justification for an economic system that doesn’t value human life.  An economic systems that exploits people, disposes of people, and takes away the option for people to bring more life into the world is an economic system that needs to be smashed. 

More eloquently put: 

 The impossible hamster (and economic growth)

*People tend to say things like, “I know a person who grew up poor and made it out.  They have a house and a family now.”  There are exceptions, of course.  But pointing them out does no good.  Focusing on the lucky few just helps us ignore the fact that the majority of people are restricted and/or oppressed.  

__
Charlotte

Capitalism and Health

Until a few years ago, I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to have headaches every day.  I knew I had “severe, lay down in complete darkness or I might actually die” headaches more often than most, but I attributed that to the level of stress in my life and to the fact that I tend to have really bad luck.  I figured other people also got headaches pretty frequently, but just not as bad as I did.

I’ve had headaches forever.  I don’t remember them being daily before high school, but I’ve always gotten them fairly often.  I’m still not sure what causes them.  What I do know, though, is that I couldn’t see a doctor for them.  In high school I didn’t have good insurance and in college I didn’t have any insurance.  So I’d load up on ibuprofen and try to function.  Some days it was too much, and I’d have to stay in bed.  I’d cap the ibuprofen at eight pills at once, and if it was painful enough that eight pills wouldn’t do it, I’d try to sleep. 

There were maybe ten times throughout college that I needed to just drive myself to the emergency room because of it.  Since I didn’t have insurance, I tried to not do that unless I started to lose portions of my vision and/or feel dizzy.  Every time I went, they’d prescribe pain pills.  The first few times, I was content with that.  Anything that gave me some relief was welcome.  But after a while, I worried that I would become addicted to the pills.  I was also concerned that we’d never figure out why I was having headaches if all they ever did was give me pain meds.  So I started to beg them to run tests.  Any kind of tests.  I asked them to hold off on the pain meds and just figure out what was causing the problem.  I remember one time, a resident at the ER was really nice, and was going over various causes of headaches that were accompanied by my other symptoms (dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, sometimes numbness).  He told me a few different tests they’d run, listing them from least invasive (CAT scans) to most invasive (something about sticking a needle in my back, which sounded really awful).  No one likes being poked and prodded, so I wasn’t exactly giddy about all this, but I was at least thankful that maybe we could finally figure this out.

About an hour later, the resident came back to tell me the attending doctor said they wouldn’t do the tests, to write me a prescription, and to send me home.  I straight up started crying.  

I haven’t gone back to the hospital for headaches since then because really, what’s the point?

Now I’ve had insurance for the last several months, and I haven’t been turned away once. 

I understand hospitals and doctors need to be paid, but it’s absurd that people don’t get treated because they can’t afford the (astronomical) prices of healthcare. 

(Maybe instead of spending a ton of money on weapons we don’t need and tax breaks the ultra-wealthy don’t need, the government could fully reimburse doctors and hospitals when they provide treatment for poor people/people on Medicaid.  But I suppose that would be akin to the big, bad socialism monster.)

My point, I guess, is that I’m kind of pissed off that my life expectancy is lower because I’m poor.  That I’ve been in pain for YEARS because I’m poor.  That even as a kid, I couldn’t get proper treatment because I didn’t have a ton of money.  

(I said this to someone once, and they responded with something along the lines of, “Well, you’ll go when God wants you to go.”  And sure.  That’s fine.  If it’s in God’s will that I die tomorrow, though I hope it’s not, I’ll die tomorrow and I won’t be pissed off at God.  But if I die before I should have because I spent the first 23 years of my life living in poverty, you’re damn straight I’d be pissed off.  Not at God, but at the people who think it’s okay.  At the people who think money is everything.  At the capitalist class.)   

Those headaches I mentioned have brought a plethora of other problems both health related and unrelated to health.  Ulcers from taking too much ibuprofen.  Horrible grades in school from missing class so often.  A generally bad attitude, because it’s hard and tiring and frustrating to wake up every day in pain, knowing you’re very likely not going to get better.  This may sound like one big complaint, and that may make some eyes roll, but I don’t care.  Until you’ve lived it, please don’t tell me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, or that if I work hard enough, this will all go away.  Because I do work hard.  My friends who are also poor do work hard.  And we’re all in the same boat of having health issues that will never go away, regardless of how hard we work. 

Because we were born poor. 

If you can’t see how that’s wrong, nothing I say will convince you.  And getting out of poverty – getting a relatively well paying job, having good health insurance – isn’t going to change the fact that we’re sicker than our wealthier counterparts or that we’re dying sooner than our wealthier counterparts.  Living in poverty for such a long period of time makes its mark and doesn’t leave.  Being stressed out every. single. day.  Takes a mental and physical toll.  My body is more worn than it would have been if I wasn’t living in poverty for so long.  My mentality, my perseverance, is stretched thinner than it would have been if I wasn’t living in poverty for so long.  Are there exceptions to this?  Are there people who find a way out and manage to have smiles on their faces despite a rough start?  Yes.  Of course.  Power to them.  But the fact that there are exceptions doesn’t mean we should expect every poor person to overcome.  The vast majority don’t.  We live in an economy that was built to keep us that way. 

Am I mad at middle class or affluent people for having insurance and a longer life expectancy?  No.  But I’m mad at the system and I’m mad at the people who create it and do everything they can to maintain it.

I’m not Gilgamesh, I’m not on some ridiculous quest to find immortality.  But dying five years sooner that I would if I had money?  That’s something I don’t want.  Five years isn’t a tremendous amount of time.  But at 70-75?  Do you know how many grandkids can be born in five years?  How many places you can visit?  Life is precious and every life – even the lives of poor people – should be valued by society.   

People can say capitalism is good all they want.  They’re wrong.  A system that preys on people, that literally lets people die, that lets people wither away in pain and despair, is wrong.  It’s just wrong.  I don’t want a system where everyone has exactly the same amount of money and the same healthcare policies.  But after dealing with a system where money determines everything, I definitely want a system where everyone has ENOUGH money and access to good healthcare.  Capitalism will never, ever be that system.   

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Charlotte