2014 --> 2015

Oh Lord.

I opened a package from Stephanie, one of my closest friends, a few weeks before Christmas.  Inside was a notebook with a picture of Dr. Seuss on it.  I opened the cover and saw that Steph had written "The Parking Lot" on the first page.  Other than that, there were just blank pages.

"So, is this like a little game?  She gives me a title and I have to write a story or something?  That's very cool.  And a little demanding..."

Alas, that was not the purpose.  I found a letter she had folded and stealthily placed in the back of the book.

Something you need to know about Stephanie: she is one of those people who believe in "positive thinking."  I mean, I believe in positive thinking.  I'm pretty positive this glass of Coke I'm about to have is going to be delicious.  My point is that Stephanie would read The Secret and believe it.  I'm a little more cynical and don't know if writing down things that I like about myself are going to make me happier or more confident or productive, you know?  But yes.  Steph has always been into making lists and reading positive quotes and all that.  She is also very organized and she does have really good habits that I probably should have picked up on while we were roomies, but hindsight, right?

"The Parking Lot" is a blank book where you write any random thoughts or notes you may have throughout the day and want to think about or dive a little deeper into later on.  I make fun of Stephanie (and other positive thinking followers...) but it's a good idea.  So good that I've actually told all three people I talk to about it.  YOU MUST DO IT.

I bring this up because I have a case of procrastination, and I keep meaning to put this book into my bag, but I continue to not do that.  Because God forbid I have to walk back up a flight of stairs to get it out of the drawer and place it in said bag.  Since I haven't done it yet, I haven't written down any of the blog post ideas I've had over the last few days-weeks.  Which means I sat down at my computer a little while ago and had absolutely no idea what I wanted write. 

Which brings me to another close friend, Liz.  Liz, bless her soul, is pretty much my go-to person when I am experiencing any problem or non-problem.  Sorry Liz!  So I go on Facebook and I tell Liz that I want to write a blog post, but I have no idea what to write about.  Liz suggests using a topic generator.  So one google search later, and I get this:

"How to take a screen shot" in my screen shot.  I am a real professional.  (Also, I am good about reading emails.  Also, in case you're really looking at the pic and want to know what I was reading, go check out this post about Catholics and politics.)

After looking at those suggestions, I was like............ what.  So, obviously, I looked up another generator, and it suggested I write about people who cut in line.  This is hilarious and I will be writing it.  Just not now.  But I mean, something to look forward to, amirite?

I don't have an idea for a nice cohesive post to write, so time for everyone's favorite thing to read: rambling.

I know it's January 10th, but I guess a good thing to do is be a huge follower and do what every other blogger on the planet does - reflect on 2014 and lay down some hope and plans (hahahahaha) for 2015. 

Semi-quick vent about a big part of 2014.  Skip if you don't like whiny vents.

This may be a bitch thing to do, but I have not written much about someone who really screwed me over this year, and I am going to do that now.  I haven't because I'm not really into the idea of talking about people and not to them, but now that I am thinking about it, this blog has maybe two regular readers and both of them know about this person.  Pretty much this is venting to no one, and my hope is that I stop fucking dwelling on this one person's horrible effect on my life this year.  Also, I don't use names, so really, who cares.    

I had a few "bosses" at my job.  One of them, the one most involved in our work, hired me with the understanding that I was going to work in the main office 2-3 days a week and in the other offices (each between one and two hours away) 2-3 days a week.  That was the deal.  I did that for a while, and it was a strain, but it was doable.  A few months into the job, and this person told me I needed to start going to the other, distant offices five days a week.  Well, I got sick (like, to the point of being hospitalized and needing surgery) and was not physically capable of doing that.  It would mean never being able to get to the doctor because I'd be out of my city from 8am until 6-8pm.  On top of that, it would have cost me $800 after partial reimbursement every month.  That's literally half of what I was bringing home every month.  So, I was "let go" because I couldn't do DOUBLE what I was hired to do.  And the explanation was that the 2-3 days/week plan was only temporary.  Seems like something I should have known, no?  But then, just to make it worse, during the meeting in which they let me know I was being let go, this person guaranteed me that I'd still have the medical reimbursement program.  Guaranteed that for the rest of the year, I'd be able to get my health costs paid.  So, I sent in my receipts for various appointments that totaled around $500 only to find out that nope, I was not allowed to be reimbursed.  Ha.  I know $500 is not the end of the world, but when you're trying to figure out how to pay your rent and you would have put the appointments off until medicaid kicked in a month later, that shit can hurt.  I can't even explain how angry I was an sometimes still am.  I do really need to just stop thinking about it though, because there's nothing I can do about it.  But not thinking about things that shouldn't be thought about is not my strong suit. 

Vent over.  

So yes, 2014.  Of course there were a lot of good things, but overall, the things I remember most are rough.  Needing surgery, losing my job.  Finding out there was something wrong with my liver, then my spleen, then finding out there is something wrong with a lymph node in my abdomen.  I've had abnormal blood results every time I've had blood drawn this year (20+ times).  Finding out there's a mass on my ovary (and stressing about what that could mean when it comes to having kids).    

One of my coworkers lost her son when he suddenly passed away.  Another found out her dad has cancer.  One is struggling to survive financially.  One whose family is losing their home.  Just a lot of bad things. 

There were some good things, which I'm going to write because good God I just put myself in a bad mood.  Guardians of the Galaxy came out.  Also Maleficent.  I became closer with some of my friends.  Even though I ended up losing it, I had a job, which is good because now I know what that feels like, and if I didn't I wouldn't be motivated to try hard to get one I love.  I bought a car that I love.  Liz got a job that isn't (I think?  Liz?) completely 100% her dream job but is basically it and is what she is good at and loves and that makes me happy.  Stephanie is in nursing school and reaching her goals.   Emily is student teaching.  I got over the whole paranoia thing (still a nervous person, but I don't turn on all the lights and check every crevice of the house if I hear a noise at night).  And after gaining waaaay too much weight, at the very end of the year I started to actually lose some of it.  So there.  Good things.  

Now for the fun part.

Things I want to do?  I still don't know the answer to that question, really.  I have some ideas, though.

1.  I want to write more.  I don't mean just on here, but in general.  I mean submitting articles to different sites, bidding for freelance work, actually formulating a plan for my own book.  You get the idea.  

2.  Read more.  I made a reading list last year, but didn't stick to it at all.  I did read more than I usually do, though, so that makes me happy.  This year, I think I am going to make monthly lists instead of one list for the whole year.  

3.  Get back to my healthy weight.  I'm not sure what that exact number is, but it's in the 165-180 range.  I think the bmi chart says I should be more like 145-155, but no.  I think I'd have to basically eat lettuce and run 20 miles a day to maintain 145, and I don't think I'd look that good.  I've been at 165 and felt great, mentally and physically.  The same for anything up to 180.  Since I'm in an idgaf mood right now, I'll go ahead and say that I'm at 235 right now, so I have a ton of work to do.  But a month ago I was 246, so at least it's happening.  

4.  Get a job?  I mean, I definitely want and need a job.  What I'm worried about is what kind of job.  I'm going to be in the south for a year living with family while I get my health together and try to save money.  I've had to suddenly move twice in the last two years, and it's meant losing most of my stuff.  It is emotionally exhausting and I can't handle that again, so I'm just staying here for a year so I can save enough money to move back to New York with enough money to hold myself over if I have any sort of emergency.  I miss my friends and my life, but it's not really an option anymore.  So I haven't decided if I should get a job that can turn into a career or look great on a resume when I move, or if I should just get a job that has nothing to do with what I'd theoretically want for a career but will pay enough.  Decisions, decisions.  

That's pretty much where I am at.  I'd say get into a relationship or something, but I don't know if I want to do that only to move away in a year.  Ugh.  

And to continue the theme of "what every blogger has done" here are my favorite posts of 2014:    

1.  Open Letter to Mindy Kaling

2. Pope Francis

3. Spiders and God-Given Talents: Education Policy in America

4. DIY Map Coasters... for the Lazy Person 

5. Good and Uncomfortable

6. Weekling: W.8, W.9, & W.10

7. The Pragmatism and Privilege Arguments - NY Election 2014

8. Black Lives Matter

9. Being a Burden

10. And for this one, I'll do the most popular post (well, the second most popular, but since the #1 post was only really aimed toward NYers I'm gonna go with this one): Twenty PERFECT Pairs of Baby Girl Names for Twins

Whew.  Time for 2015-specific fun things: 

Saint of the year: Saint Anne.

Since apparently e'erybody does a word for the year:  Persevere.

I could not come up with a word, so I googled that bad boy and landed on a website (my one word or something) and it had an image filled with words.  I closed my eyes and pointed to a word (think Cher choosing where to relocate in Mermaids) and it was "persevere."  So there.  In case you're interested, two of my friends who are doing this chose "growth" and "change."

Necessary image of mentioned movie. 

January book list:

1. Wicked by Gregory Maguire
2. And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie
3. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
4. Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery
5. The Book Thief (I am almost done with this, but stopped reading it for some reason.  Time to finish.)

Annnnnd I think that is it for now.  8:49pm aka 49 minutes past my ideal bed time.

Thanks for hanging around for the world's longest blog post.

This is Olivia, my oldest friend and guaranteed maid of honor unless she becomes an ahole.  She helped with this post.  In theory.

__
Charlotte