The Book of Esther

Hey ya'll (smh, truly assimilating to the south). I normally keep all of my book reviews over at Filthy Casket, but I loved this book so much, I had to post some of it over here, too.

Badass, feminist, imaginative, historical.  

I devoured this book. Or maybe it devoured me. 

Let me start by saying that this book is a lot. Barton's writing is awesome, but dense. The vast majority of the reviews I've read for this book mention "info-dumping" and the use of other languages without translation. They're not wrong, but... I almost feel as though these reviewers can't have actually finished the book. The first chapter is the hardest. I put the book down twice (to pick up Harry Potter, of course) because I just couldn't get into the first chapter. But I finally pushed through it, and hot damn I'm glad I did. I went on to finish it in two days because I could not put it down. 

THAT SAID, I don't necessarily recommend you immediately drop everything and buy the book. Rent it from your library. Or finish this review and read other reviews before dropping $25 on it. 

Because the people who didn't love this book bring up good points. I've seen folks complain that there are too many mystical elements. There are animated clay figures called Golems. There are mechanical horses in the 20th century. There's a man who was born a woman but transformed into a man when he prayed for it while bathing. There's also the fact that hundreds rally behind a teenage girl, willfully following her into war. Naturally, people complain that it's a lot to believe. To which I say: just get past it! In the beginning of the book I also struggled to believe everything that was put in front of me. But once I just stopped thinking so hard about it (it's historical fiction, after all), I was able to just relax and thoroughly enjoy the book.

The other major complaints I've seen, and which I feel I need to address before telling anyone to go buy it, are the complaints of language and too much info. Barton uses language throughout the novel that most of us won't understand (Hebrew? Yiddish? Combo? I don't know.) She often translates it, but not always. It was occasionally frustrating, but mostly I thought it was easy enough to understand through context. When I couldn't guess the meaning, I just... got over it. It really doesn't happen enough to distract from the story. Despite not always understanding the occasional blurbs of other-language, I understood and followed the plot. It didn't interfere with character development or rising action or, or, or. And yet, many, many people seemed to really dislike this feature of the book. So I figure it's worth mentioning. If you think this would bother you, it might not be worth reading. And then there's the issue of "info-dumping." There were some parts of the book that were just crazy laden with info - I don't mind it. I thought it was necessary to the story. But if you are more a dialogue and action guy or gal, it's something to consider. For all the info-dumping, though, I thought it was paced just fine. I never got bored.  

And yet, I really, really want to urge everyone to try this book out. It's one of the best books I've read in the last year (up there with The Tsar of Love and Techno by Anthony Marra and The Mapmaker's Children by Sarah McCoy). The writing was perfection - the kind that makes you think of silk and caramel and hot chocolate and tea and blankets and that attic from A Little Princess. I know you know what I mean. 

~Break to go watch A Little Princess. My dear, dear Sara.~ 

Read the rest of my review over at Filthy Casket! 

__

Charlotte

May Into June | 2016

ugly but very productive tomato plant

The blogette hit 10,000 views a few days ago. It's not like that's a ton of views considering it's been around a few years, but I've basically been assuming Liz was my only reader. So either Liz has been here 10,000 times or more than a couple of people read it. ;) Anywho, it's a tad exciting. The blog isn't wildly popular, nor do I want it to be (unless it's so popular that I can make a living writing about Harry Potter baby names). But it is fun knowing there are a few readers that enjoy (or hate-read???) this space.

It's June 16, so I really shouldn't even bother writing this month's post, but hey. Better late than never, yes? It's been sitting in my drafts folder for a while now.

May was alright. I was in the hospital again, but didn't have to endure any 2+ day stays, so that was cool. I feel like my health is declining, but also like I'm becoming more resilient? I've been doing yard work and handyman-ish jobs to try and keep up on the bills. There are days/times when I can't do anything, but on my so-so days I'm alright to go work. I've been trying to push through the pain a bit more. I'm not great at knowing when that's a good idea or not, though. Sometimes I'll try to get out and either work or just get some fresh air and then I'll deeply regret it a few hours later when I'm puking or writhing in pain. Other days I push through the pain and then feel great.

I had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy since I have the body of a 50 year old, apparently. The docs were hoping to get hints as to what's going on with my abdomen (and especially my liver), but they weren't totally convinced they'd find anything. They mostly thought it was prudent to check things out. They did find some abnormalities... but nothing (as far as I know yet) that would explain the liver issues. The one thing I really, really complained about (to my friends, not to my doctors) was the colonoscopy prep. I wasn't concerned about the effects of the solution. I knew it'd suck but like, everyone has had the stomach bug, so whatever. (Gross to write about on a blog? Probably! Sorry, three readers.) But the taste of the solution. I literally cried throughout the process of drinking it. It made me gag and puke and I can't explain how hopeless/helpless I felt the entire time. It's really a pathetic feeling - "This nasty drink is going to be the end of me! I literally cannot do this. I cannot."

     

But. Yesterday I found out that the polyp they found was precancerous, so... I will never again complain about getting a colonoscopy. Before it was biopsied, the doctor who removed it told me he was glad I had the procedure because normally colon cancer in young people takes longer to diagnose since colonoscopies aren't usually performed until age 50. He has a 32 year old patient who has colon cancer. Even though we hadn't known it was precancerous at that point, he was relieved I had it removed. I'm super glad, too. After I typed it out to some of my friends yesterday it hit me that, like, holy shit! Had I not had this procedure I might have gotten cancer five years from now. I'm looking at colonoscopies every few years now, which sucks, but again... can't complain.

By the way, regarding the prep: I figured out a tolerable way to drink it. I read on a few different sites that it was better cold, but that putting ice in it was a big no-no. So I tried putting the bottle I used inside a bowl that was filled with ice, but that didn't help. I also was told by friends and by the internet AND by the pamphlet that a straw might help... I drank two liters with a straw and cried the whole time.

Eventually, I did two things that seemed to help. I filled up water bottles and put them in the freezer for 15-25 minutes. This way they weren't frozen, but they were ice cold. I won't say it made the solution okay, but it made it much less "kill me now." Also, I got rid of the straw. I don't know why the straw made it worse for me, since a lot of people seem to prefer it. But I was much, much better at just chugging an entire almost-frozen bottle than I was sipping through a straw. I'd get them down in about 7 minutes. (Chug for like 30 seconds, try not to gag, give yourself a pep talk for two minutes, chug for 30 seconds, repeat until done.)

Also, and I realize this sounds corny, but I was finally just like, "Jesus, you gotta help me." I think I was more polite than that, but really. I don't care what anyone says, drinking this was hard. I'd prefer enduring physical pain for a little while than drinking this poisonous crap. I felt stupid asking God to help me drink bowel prep solution, but like, whatever. Maybe that was a lesson. Nothing too small. I'd have tried the whole "offer it up" thing, but I was too busy gagging to think any coherent thoughts while actually drinking.

went to google to search for an appropriate gif for my prep-solution-prayer. found this instead.

As for last month's goals... 

I didn't do too bad. I called my friends. I didn't send letters to my friends, though. On my list! I think I read five books? My goal was six. But I read Half Blood Prince twice. Does that count? ;) I wrote four book reviews in May, which is four more than I wrote in April - excellente. I lost around 10ish pounds. Not only did I look into classes, but I enrolled at a nearby community college. I did not go kayaking, but I spent most of the month sick, so... (I'd be physically capable of kayaking on some of my good days, but I'm not keen on being out in the middle of nowhere, in a body of water, alone, and then having one of my severe attacks. Maybe I'll grow a pair at some point. We'll see.)

weight loss progress pic

And this month's goals:

1. Try getting outside more. I'm in pain, but like... when I'm below a 6 on that 1-10 scale I can try a little harder to get out.

2. READ SIX BOOKS, DAMMIT CHARLOTTE.

3. Post five new book reviews.

4. Finish the book reviews for the Underland Chronicles. It's been months since I wrote the review for the third book. Let's not make it years.

5. Eat better (+ more fiber).

6. Lose 10 pounds. This is when things get tricky. Losing weight is always hardest when I'm closest to my goal weight. I'd like to reach 180 by late September, assuming my health doesn't get even more wild.

That's it for now. ;)

Charlotte 

Going Back to School

Whew. Just a little over a year ago I wrote about my plan to go back to school. Well, it's taken me longer than I'd have liked, but last week I enrolled at a community college in a nearby city and in the upcoming weeks I get to meet with an advisor to register for classes. I'll be taking physics and a math course (not sure which one yet - don't really fancy jumping right into calculus after 6+ years of not learning math, so might take pre-calc algebra first).

On the one hand, I'm really excited. On the other hand................. slightly terrified. I'm worried about what happens if I go back and end up really sucking at all of this. Also, I am not very healthy. In fact, I have to stop lying to myself. I keep saying that I'll get better soon, but in reality, my body seems to be getting worse. My liver enzymes are nice and high, my abdominal pain has spread so that it's now on both sides and in my chest and back (it used to mostly stay confined to the right upper quadrant). I don't know if it's related, but two months ago my legs were fine and now they're terribly sore to the point where I have trouble lifting them at times. When it started, it was mainly happening at night (felt as though I had done insane work outs, even though I hadn't) and now it happens during the day, too. My nausea medicine knocks me out, so I sometimes end up wasting an entire day sleeping. So that's all problematic. But I'm trying to remain optimistic. Late next week I'm having two procedures done, and the doctors are likely going to take biopsies. I'm really, really hoping they figure out what is wrong. 

And if they don't (knock on wood, because I don't want to just be stuck with mystery symptoms and bad blood work forever), then I'm still anticipating going to school. I'm only taking two classes, so I should be able to manage that schedule even if I'm still sick. I considered just putting it off another semester, but decided against that. It has been a long time since I've felt like a normal human being and I really need to do things again. I don't want to put it off indefinitely. Ain't no way to liiiive. 

I'm also nervous about some practical obstacles. My computer is falling apart, literally. It's held together with electrical tape at the moment, and I can see its innards. Wires and metal galore. But I can get by without a laptop for a while, hopefully. The bigger concern is my car, which is becoming less and less safe to drive unless I get it fixed. (I'm not just procrastinating on getting it fixed - it's likely to cost over $1000 and nobody has that type of money.) I get mad every time I think about it, because it turns out the dealership sold it to me like this. Nice of them!! The school is about 40 minutes away, so a car isn't optional. I'm going to try to work things out over the next couple of months. 

Despite all that, I'm still just pumped. It's been such a long time since I've done anything with any sort of purpose. It's exciting to actually work toward one of my bigger goals (and hopefully get on the road to being independent again - thankful that I've been able to live rent free, but... I also miss not living with family). And maybe one day I'll end up working to solve problems such as these. ;)

__
Charlotte

link love

a little irony for your Sunday evening

This week was a rainy one in NC. Today we've finally had sun (although... I actually love the rain, so maybe I shouldn't say "finally") and I've been itching to get out but it's rough right now with the pain and with the meds and with the side effects of the meds. I've tried to completely stop pain meds, sort of against my doctors' advice (they just think I should not be in pain if I don't have to, which is fair, but I'm scared of pain meds). But the nausea meds knock me out. Which is great at night, though, because I've got trouble sleeping. Although... the last two or three nights have been odd. I'll lay down and start reading and can't go more than twenty minutes. Maybe I need a different book? 

Or maybe I need to spend less time on the internet? I admit I've been staying on later and later. But sometimes it's hard to look away when there's just so much. LIKE:

This most excellent Harry Potter quiz, of course. I got Hermione Granger the first time I took it a few days ago, but when I retook it just now, I totally got Albus Dumbledore. Win. (Speaking of Buzzfeed quizzes, did you see how you can make your own quiz and have your friends take it? My friends all took the quiz about me, and the most they got right was THREE QUESTIONS. For comparison, on theirs I got 4, 6, and 7 right, so... suck it.)

I've been craving adventure a little bit lately. On the next sunny day when I'm feeling good I'm going to take my kayak out. And one day... one day maybe I'll be brave enough to ride a motorcycle on the edge of a mountain. Probably not. But it is fun to watch. Also adventurous.. tattoos! I plan on getting a second tattoo one day and it will most likely be HP-related, so I enjoyed scrolling through these. I love the Weasley's car in the whomping willow!!!!!

I cannot get over this bachelor (...or I guess, contestant). He looks like the lovechild of Ashton Kutcher and Shia LaBeouf, with a dash of Dax Shepard for good measure. 

I am feeling dreadful about the upcoming election, so I almost hate to talk about it. But I can't avoid it altogether and sometimes I wouldn't want to, like in the case of this woman's obituary, which claims Ms. Mary Anne chose to go be with God rather than vote for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Can't. And as someone who is still hoping Bernie will win, I liked this article about his great chances of beating Trump (with wider margins than Hillary can hope for) and this one that says Clinton supporters should really stop bullying Sanders supports for not jumping on the bandwagon.

Equally frustrating as the election: Drew, a tv show about.. you got it, Nancy Drew, is not going to air. Why? Because it's "too female." Yeah.

Happier things, happier things.. Meg at Pierced Hands is one of my favorite bloggers. I loved her recent post about the nature of the Holy Spirit. Click on over. (I also loved the Disney short movie that she included. Adorable.)  

I enjoyed this article over at Verily which talks about ways exercise can help women specifically. (Also, Verily is on fire. Check out these cute work outfits! And this article about singleness and Jane Austen!)

This new show, Speechless, looks good. And I love Minnie Driver. 

LOVED this article about Charles Dickens' ability to come up with names for his characters. You know I love names. And writing. Best of both. 

I laugh at most of the hashtag segments on The Tonight Show. This one about weird neighbors did not disappoint. 

I'm not too ashamed to admit that I watch and thoroughly enjoy Grey's Anatomy. I liked this article over on Slate about why it's actually a good show. (Although we don't have to pretend it's the stuff of giants.)

Lady Gaga posted an image and talked about the Eucharist, and a bunch of Catholics (and other Christians) went crazy. They basically went on about how she's not a true Catholic and we shouldn't be happy about her and that she shouldn't be receiving the Eucharist at all... ugh. I liked this counter argument. 

I'm crushing on this book, these sandals, and this dress.

And to wrap this up - if you're the praying type, keep this man and his family in your thoughts. They just lost their new baby. And this family as well - a young father of five has stage four melanoma and they have to keep travelling between states for treatment. 

til next week

Charlotte 

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE

the look of disapproval 

when people get death eater tattoos

hospitals at night

tampons

pulling out dry tampons

periods in general

the current trend of painting everything white (kitchens, bedrooms, living rooms, EVERYTHING)

black coffee 

weather above 75 degrees

weather below 50 degrees

Donald Trump

when men wear flip flops

the fact that q-tips aren't meant for cleaning ears

birth control

Hillary Clinton

when people tell me I'm irresponsible if I don't vote for Hillary Clinton

greasy soup

Til next time

Charlotte

Person: Alison

P sure she'll hate me for this, since I cropped myself out.

I don't even know how to begin writing about my friend Alison. (Sometimes I call her "Palison" since she's my pal.) I usually don't like to play favorites among my friends, but... there's something about Alison that makes me instantly like her. I love all of my close friends, obviously, but I can't think of Alison and not smile. I'm sure she'll love reading that. (She's probably puking in her mouth.) 

We get along astoundingly well considering how we've always been at different stages in life. She's a couple years older. I was like a horrible student who never went to class when we met, and she was not. Now she's married with a good job and I'm over here fumbling around trying just to function. And yet, we click.

Not the best quality ever, but it'll do.

I think Alison finds me more amusing than any of my other friends do. (I could be wrong and maybe she's just being nice to me to preserve my feelings?) She laughs at most of my jokes. If they aren't terrifically funny, she at least gives me a look that tells me she appreciates the effort (unless it's at an inappropriate moment). I find her funny, too, but in a much subtler way. She's less of an outright dick than I am. 

I had a surgery a few years back and a few of my friends came along. She was the only one (I think?) who didn't do a-hole things like tell me I was gonna die from the air bubbles in my IV (I'm looking at you, Liz). Also, I..... vaguely remember needing help getting dressed after surgery. I even vaguely-er remember being like, "No! I don't want help getting dressed!" As Alison and another friend (if I'm remembering correctly - I was full of drugs) helped me get dressed. It doesn't sound funny, but my fuzzy memory of it is hilarious. 

She's sort of selfless but it's annoying as fuck because, like, she won't tell me her birthday! I believe it's in June, but I'm not sure (if I had to guess, I'd say June 25th.. so it's probably February 3rd). I LOVE SENDING PEOPLE GIFTS AND/OR CARDS FOR THEIR BIRTHDAYS. IT IS ONE OF THE WAYS I SHOW MY LOVE. AND THIS B IS MAKING IT SO I CANNOT DO THAT. I should send her a birthday card once a week just to annoy her. 

I am definitely going to start doing that. 

But yeah, she also has like zero pictures of just her on Facebook (other than ones where she's mid-running), which is why I had to crop that photo up there. Here's the original: 

This picture was taken on my birthday a couple of years ago. It sums up our relationship unbelievably well. 

Al is the classiest person I know. I think. I'd call her style simple-elegant. (Yes, Alison? Do you agree?) She'd probably be just fine having Kate Middleton's closet. Also, and yes, I know, external beauty is not all that matters, but I'd be remiss to not mention that she's annoying gorgeous. I've told her this before an she usually rolls her eyes. One time after she hung out with some of my friends, I asked a friend what she thought of Alison, and the response literally was, "She seems nice. Also, I have never seen such a perfect face." She is not the only friend who has had that kind of response after I've introduced them to Al. I'm sure Alison is mad at me for even writing that (or at least annoyed/blushing/whatever), but it's my blog and I'll say what I want. One day she and her husband will end up having babies that come out six feet tall with the faces of porcelain dolls.

Really adore the fact that I look pregnant in every picture we have together. -_-

When we first met, I liked her but also assumed she'd be condescending. I don't know why? Maybe because she and my then-roommate (which is how we met) asked me a bunch of questions and told me they had stalked me online before I moved in. (They also told me they thought I'd be awful - prob why I assumed she'd look at me with fiery scorn.) But it turned out that we got along well and she doesn't (to my knowledge) judge me for any of the things. 

We had this fun thing going where we wrote to each other all the time (old school) but I dropped the ball on that after the last letter. oy. Gotta get my act together.  

Before her wedding we were all at her house and her parents, who are very nice, marked our heights on the wall. This gives me such an immense feeling of satisfaction for some reason. I think it's because my brain is all, "Haha, Alison, I'm on your wall now. You're friends with me forever now. No escaping it." 

Over all, she's pleasant, but not in a bubbly way (like Stephanie). She's sarcastic and humorously cynical, but when it comes down to it she is very supportive. I mean, like I said, she helped an annoying drugged person get dressed after surgery. She can't not be a somewhat nice person. 

My friend Liz and I have joked before that Liz's boyfriend, Sean, is like the older brother I never wanted. Well Alison is like the older sister I did want. We probably don't talk as much as we should. Next week, when I send her the first of 52 birthday cards she's getting, I'll mention it. 

xoxo

____

Charlotte  

Currently Reading (May 2016)

I've noticed that every time I leave the hospital, I go a little haywire when it comes to my previously well-honed habits. I have no clue why, and I realize the opposite should be true (as in... I should continue fasting from soda after I leave the hospital where I had been admitted for abdominal issues instead of abandoning that habit and drinking it once a day..). Theoretically a hospital stay should just strengthen my resolve to form and keep good habits. But it's always true that for at least two weeks post-hospital, I'm a mess. Not even a hot mess. Just a mess. I'm not entirely sure why this happens, but it does. My best guess is that my mood changes and I'm just sort of more sad and slightly pathetic and... it just takes me a minute to get back on track. 

This all applies to my reading habits. I was doing so good before my stint in Charleston!! SO GOOD. And since then? I've read maybe half a book. Le sigh. I've decided that maybe a personal book challenge is the way to get me out of my slump. I'm going to read as many books as I can this week. I'm hoping to get through at least four. I've already got a few books I've started over the last few weeks, but I'm less than a quarter through each of them.

Here's a list of the books: 

1. Beastkeeper by Cat Hellisen 

I saw this book while browsing over at bookoutlet.com and liked the cover. And then I saw it was on sale! I got is for like $2. I have mixed opinions on it so far. I'm enjoying the story well enough, but so far there have been no surprises. The writing isn't bad, in fact it's almost good, but it's too much. Every other sentence doesn't need a metaphor or analogy. I've said this before, but I don't need writing to be too pretty (maybe if it's poetry). 

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

For the third time this year.        

3. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Ah. So I'm enjoying this book. But it's slow going. I don't know why (Pride and Prejudice is another one I just can't seem to get through). It's a library book, though, and I've renewed it once already, so I need to either pick up the pace or prepare to take a short hiatus if someone else has the book on hold.

4. The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling

I was primarily interested in this book just because it's by Rowling. I've only just started it, so I don't have an opinion on it yet. I'm sure I won't love it the way I love Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean it won't be a good book. It's another library book, so I don't have all year to procrastinate. 

5. Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos

I read Loved Walked In by this author and absolutely loved it. So when I saw another of her books in the library, I knew I had to check it out. 

6. The Mapmaker's Children by Sarah McCoy

Yes. I was reading this in March. I put it down to read Harry Potter. I need to stop doing that. And then I just kept reading other books and fully neglected this one. For shame. I'm enjoying it well enough so far, we'll see if that keeps up. This is a must-finish for me because it's a blogging for books pick, so I need to review it soon!!

And that's it at the moment. Like I said, I want to try and read as many books as possible this week, and hopefully at least four of these. 

Time will tell. 

__

Charlotte