The Right to Life and Family

This isn't a post on abortion, though I fall on the unpopular side of that debate. It's a post about how people want to have children, but can't. Or how people want to have children, but are too afraid. It's about how we, as a country, prioritize everything material and disposable over everything sacred and eternal. It's about a few of the ways we're tragically misguided. Specifically, it's about how gun violence, police brutality, and poverty are robbing people of their inherent right to life and family.
  

I've mentioned before that the idea of having kids in this country scares me because of the gun violence. I won't let the fear stop me from having kids, but it's infuriating. Parents have enough to worry about without mass shootings. I don't know if stripping everyone of their guns is the answer, but I do know that it's unacceptable to leave things as they are. People are more important than arsenals. It sickens me that there are people who refuse to just have a conversation about gun laws meanwhile lives are being taken every single day. It always hurts more when the victims are kids, but a 40 year old who is killed in a shooting is just as precious. He's someone's kid.

I guess I just have to wonder: to the people who refuse to talk about stricter gun laws, many of whom are parents - are you willing to let your kid be sacrificed? Because that's what it takes. Maybe it's not your kid today, but 10,000 kids are shot each year in the US, and many of them - about 8 a day - are killed. And that's just children. That doesn't count the 27 year old adult who is still someone's baby.

When I have kids I'm going to read stories to them, true and fictional. They'll read about Harry Potter and how he was Christlike by sacrificing his life for his friends. They'll read about Frodo and Sam accepting their seemingly inevitable death in a quest to end evil. They'll know the true stories of saints and martyrs across time who died for others, or who were killed for their beliefs. As a parent, I'll have to reconcile teaching my kids these virtues and hoping that a situation that puts them in such danger never arises.

I will not, however, willingly sacrifice my kids to the gun lobby, nor will I sacrifice other people's kids by refusing to talk about gun laws.

I believe we can all agree that we have a right to life. We also have a right to family - to create or foster life. Those are natural rights afforded to every single person. Natural! There is nothing "natural" about the right to tote a man-made weapon created solely for the purpose of inflicting harm on others. 

With every shooting, with every bogus NRA lobbying session, we're chipping away at someone's right to have a family. The world will never be completely safe, nor should it be. But there's a difference between natural danger and risk and a deathtrap. (Even I, while writing this, felt like "deathtrap" was an exaggeration, but there are bulletproof blankets and mats specifically made for schoolchildren to wear, so it's really not.)

The vast majority of my friends are still unmarried or without children. (Though some have started families.) Whenever the topic of kids comes up, someone at some point mentions the fear of it all. It's too much. Parenthood will always be scary, it will always be hard. But it shouldn't be scary for these reasons. No one should have reason to say, "I'd like to have kids but how can I? People are being killed every day and nowhere is safe. How can I have kids in a world like that?"

Bottom line: Even if we're just talking about child deaths, thousands are killed. Kids are killed in their homes because of lax storage laws. They're being shot at school. Just typing that sentence - children are being shot to death in their schools - feels wrong, and yet, we're doing nothing about it. In this country, toddlers are killed by guns more often than police officers are.

Maybe you're getting mad at me for politicizing the deaths of so many innocent people. But I'm angry at everyone who refuses to politicize it. It's a national problem and we need national solutions. It's not that I give a damn about politics, it's that I have seven little brothers and sisters; it's that one day I want to get married and have a bunch of kids and take them to football games without them getting shot.

It is about life and about families. 

Which brings us to the issue of police brutality. Because while gun violence is a threat against everyone with a pulse, black parents in this country are bearing a burden like no other. They have to worry about the same things white parents worry about and then they have to worry about things no person should have to worry about: will my child be hurt by police?

Yesterday a video went viral. It shows an officer violently throwing a black girl to the ground, hitting her, dragging her across the room. Her offense? She was being "verbally disruptive." Short of saying, "I have a weapon and am about to kill you," there was no justification for that kind of violence.

(I think I've done a good job being civil so far but I'm going to put that aside for a second. Why the fuck do we think it's okay to arrest a schoolchild for being verbally disruptive? How is that normal? Even if the cop never became brutal, there's no reason the girl should have been arrested. You misbehave in school, you go to the principal's office, not the penitentiary. But we'll talk about the school to prison pipeline, the profits of prisons, and all that jazz in another post.)

Now, I know that cops will abuse anyone, not just black people. Cops tased and strangled my handcuffed, barefoot brother (why was he getting arrested? for back-talking to a cop.). But I don't worry about them killing my brothers. Are white people ever killed by cops? Yes. But not the way black people are. (I've written about this before.) A police officer's job is dangerous, yes. Many of them are honorable, yes. But when so many of them are killing so many people (and a specific race of people, at that), we need to ask ourselves what's wrong with the institution as a whole. It's clear there's a problem, and if you deny it, you're either ignorant, defensive of your privilege, or complicit.

If you refuse to talk about police brutality in a completely honest way that acknowledges the systemic racism, you're ignoring the rights of others. Because again:

We all have a right to life. We also have a right to family - to create or foster life. Those are natural rights afforded to every single person. Natural! There is nothing "natural" about a state-created and state-sanctioned force of highly armed officers being allowed to kill whomever they feel doesn't deserve to live.

Black mothers are cradling their dead sons. Black parents are trying to teach their kids to be strong and independent, but to navigate a world that is against them. And don't try telling me this world - at least, this country - is not against them. If you saw a man throwing a teenage girl around at the mall, you'd intervene. If you saw a father slam his daughter to the ground and beat her, you'd intervene. If a teacher beat up his student for being disruptive, you'd be furious. (And I'm willing to bet that had this been a white girl, no one would be making excuses for the cop.) But we've given cops a free pass to torment black people. I say "we" because laws are largely written by and for white people. There are laws against teachers hitting their students, but we put cops in black schools and let them hit students.

I have black friends and black cousins who don't want kids for one reason only: they don't want to have kids just so they end up being killed by police or vigilantes. 

If you can't see how that's anti-life or anti-family, then you're not looking hard enough.

It's totally about politics and it's totally about racism and it's completely, totally about life and about families.

Which brings us to poverty. I'll keep this short, I just wanted to mention a few things: we've got an ungodly amount of children living in poverty. They're hungry, and we're not feeding them. Parents can't afford to send their kids to college, where even the public universities are increasing their tuition every year. And students who do go to school are met with such high debt that they can't gain independence after graduation. Social mobility is a myth. While the idea of a voluntary military sounds great, it's often poor kids joining because it's their only chance of getting a paycheck, health benefits, and even an education, if they don't die in one of our many wars.

And we try to solve these problems by cutting taxes on the rich.

And we demonize anyone who questions capitalism.

Really, we all have a moral obligation to question our economic policies. Maybe communism and socialism have failed elsewhere (though we could argue that it was because they were fascist, but hey, another post). Maybe capitalism is the "foundation of our economy" in America. But that's not reason enough to NOT resist it. Slavery was once the foundation of our economy in America, and if you support that, there's a 97% chance you're swine. I don't have all of the answers, but I know that there are people not getting married because they can't afford it. I know there are people working 80 hours a week so that they can survive. I know there are people putting off having a family (or never having kids at all!) because they can't afford it.

Is that an acceptable price to pay for capitalism? And for no reason other than capitalism is all we know? I don't think so. The kind of sick distribution of wealth we have is only achieved through the oppression of others. The only way one man can make billions of dollars a year is by the suffering of others - sweatshops, long hours for little pay, a minimum wage far below the living wage, and other unfair labor practices. I think it's alright to be rich. I just think there's a limit to how much money you can make while remaining moral.

And so one last time:

We all have a right to life. We also have a right to family - to create or foster life. Those are natural rights afforded to every single person. Natural! There is nothing "natural" about an economic system that doesn't pay people fairly for work. 

We need to rethink a system that leaves people tired and sick. It sounds corny, but really, in this kind of economic environment (and oh my God don't get me started on the gross degeneration we allow our environment to suffer in the name of profits), it's not easy to find love, nonetheless to nurture relationships. A system that leaves people unable or afraid of having kids isn't a good system. And this isn't just about politics or economics, it's about life and about families.

I guess my point is that I'm sick and tired of people putting kids on the line. You're a gun owner and love your automatic weapons, so it's okay that someone's kid might be shot. That's the price you're willing to pay just so that you don't need to have a conversation about gun laws. You're a white person and your kids go to private school, so you're okay with armed police officers being stationed in poor public schools even if it means someone else's kid might be brutalized. You're middle class, so you're okay with anti-poor policies even if it means some other man's kid goes to bed hungry or can't go to college or joins the army out of desperation.

I've known for a while now that power lies in the hands of a few. But this is never clearer to me than when I'm with my other friends, many of whom are women, talking about starting families. Our kids - the ones we're often scared to even dream of, are the ones that get sacrificed to America's unholy gods: guns, false traditions, and money. Not every rich person is bad, not every gun owner is dangerous, not every cop is corrupt. But the ones that refuse to change? The ones that refuse to even entertain the notion of progress or of debate - they are treading on the rights of others.  

Baltimore Riots: White Contradictions

Alternate title: Little White Lies
heh.

Listen, I'm white.  And it was, admittedly, very uncomfortable to accept that white privilege is a thing in America.  A few years ago I would have been one of the people telling rioters in Baltimore to stop ruining things.  But I read probably my #1 most recommended book - A People's History by Howard Zinn.  And more importantly, I met great people in college who were down to have conversations about topics that were challenging.  And so I started to open my mind a little bit. 

Over the last year we've seen an escalation in clashes with police.  Black people are killed every 28 hours in America by security, vigilantes, or police.  (According to FBI reports, a white police officer kills a black man twice a week.)  

Unfortunately, media and large segments of the population harbor more anger at the clashes and protests and riots than they do at the systemic killing of black people.  And they've offered up all sorts of "advice," "solutions," and criticisms.  I thought I'd point a few of them out because really, we need to stop thinking like this. 

(This shouldn't need to be said but I know people are sensitive so... obviously there are exceptions to every rule.  This isn't an attack against other white people, it's a criticism of the way we, as a group, tend to interpret the events that are taking place.)

1. "Peaceful protests are the only way to change things!  MLK said so." 

Not quite.

In a little over two months, middle class America is going to be out in troves at the grocery stores, stocking up on beer and hot dogs for the 4th of July celebratory barbecues.  That's fine.  I too will be consuming hot dogs and soda.  

But on that day, we'll be rejoicing in the Declaration, celebrating the day that the colonists finally said, "enough," and proclaimed to the world that we were a free nation.  

We'll be celebrating a day that led to a bloodbath.  

Yes, the war had already started and yes, July 2 was the day when independence was voted on.  But the declaration was read aloud to patriots and loyalists/Tories alike, and it incited celebration on the one hand and anger on the other.  It lead to destruction of statues and buildings in cities, and it meant more war.  The colonists weren't backing down.  

Celebrating the declaration is celebrating violent resistance.  

My point is, while I hope and pray that the revolution that is coming is a peaceful one, I hardly think it's right for white people to tell black people that peaceful protests are the only way to win change.  This country was founded in a violent war.  "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" wasn't achieved just by holding hands.  It cost us dearly.  It was bloody.  It was destructive.  

Discourage and condemn the looting, fine.  But don't say that peaceful protest is the only way to make change.  Or if you do say that, you better pass on the hamburgers and potato salad this 4th of July.

And please, stop softening MLK's image to use him against black people.

I don't think burning buildings is the best plan, but MLK understood why riots happened.  He understood why people become violent.  He acknowledged that there are valid reasons people act in non-peaceful ways.  He said, "riot is the language of the unheard." 

You want an end to riots?  Then maybe try listening to the experiences of black folks before another man is slain by police.  (At this rate, you have a few days.) 

(Another related thing to think about: it was a riot that helped begin the larger fight for LGBTQ rights in America.)

2.  The Boston Tea Party was heroic.

I remember learning about the Boston Tea Party in a positive light.  I remember being told Samuel Adams and the other men who boarded the ships were American heroes.  

Samuel Adams and the Sons of Liberty destroyed someone else's property.  

White men do it and it is heroism.  Black men do it and it's disgusting.  

Look, I don't think burning CVS down to the ground is a good idea.  But don't call the rioters animals and don't dare suggest that they don't understand what they're protesting.  These are kids, sure, but they're kids living in impoverished areas with underfunded schools and streets patrolled by police officers who racially profile.  Their grievances are valid. 

I consider Samuel Adams a hero.  One day I'll teach my own children that he was a radical, someone who was fed up with injustice, someone that stood up.  

Most of white America does the same, making the idea that "rioting isn't okay" a contradiction.  Do I think the people looting CVS will be seen as heroes one day?  I don't know.  But probably not, because it's a CVS.  But I think this young man will be seen as a valiant fighter for justice, even if he resorted to violence: 

Sometimes, when people are shooting at you and tear gas is being used, and rubber bullets are flying, you need to fight back. 

It's possible to question the need for violence without calling protesters "animals" and "thugs."  If you're going to use those names, I fully expect you to teach your own kids that Samuel Adams was a hellbent criminal. 

3.  I understand the anger, but change needs to come from within the black community.

Side eye.  

Can the black community stand to change?  Maybe, it's not really for me (or white masses) to say.

I grew up in poverty, and I know that there's a lot of internal crime and despair.  There tends to be a lot of overlap between poor people and black people (ahem, institutionalized racism), so while I will never fully understand the experience of poor black people, I understand some of the problems that come with poverty.  The people I grew up around, including some of my family, should try to change their behavior.  

Here's the thing though.  The vast majority of problems that exist within the black community are a direct result of oppression, white supremacy, and institutionalized racism.  Gang violence doesn't exist because everyone really likes dressing in nice colors.  It exists because we've created a system where it is damn near impossible for people to escape poverty, especially if they're people of color.  I was born into less than stellar circumstances, but I happened to be white and to move into a good area right before high school, meaning I had resources that other kids don't.  Even still, I find it extremely hard to hold my temper, to not start doing drugs, and to not go back to a place where the environment is toxic but at least I'd have a little camaraderie.  Because the middle class doesn't want anything to do with you until and unless you've made it (another contradiction - pull yourself up, work hard - but they hate you as you try to do those things).  There are so many physical, financial, and yes, psychological roadblocks to changing a bad environment.  

So yes, I'd say white people tend to contradict themselves when they suggest black people change while encouraging cuts in social security, cuts in food stamps, cuts in education.  Don't suggest changing from within while simultaneously withholding the resources to make that happen. 

**Also, this isn't a contradiction so much as something that should just be taken as fact, but: 

It is not the responsibility of black people to change their behavior in order to stop racism against them.  It is solely the responsibility of the perpetrators of racism to stop it.  

4. The rioters are ruining their own neighborhoods.

Similarly to the argument that change needs to come from within, I want to point out the hypocrisy of suddenly caring about black neighborhoods.  Before Freddie Gray was killed, were the people making this claim sharing scathing statuses on the injustice of urban poverty?  After his death but before his funeral, were you fuming about the rate of homicide committed by police officers? 

Look, if you felt the need to speak out about the murder of Freddie Gray and about your dislike of rioting and looting, I could respect that.  

But if, like most people, you said nothing about Gray (or Brown, or Rice, or Garner, or Scott...) but felt the need to speak out about the rioting, your priorities are off.  You're contradicting yourself by scolding black people for "ruining their own neighborhoods" while standing idly by as police, capitalism, and racism ruin black neighborhoods every day. 

Also, I want to copy and paste from someone smarter than me: 

Excuse me? Now it's "their own" city. Like suddenly they own it? It's not theirs! Nothing in this country belongs to poor black folks. Those aren't "their shops." Those aren't "their houses." You think they have the deed to the projects? You think they own stock in CVS? You think they are employed by that nursing home, or could even afford to send their grandparents there to retire if they wanted to? If Black people were really destroying "their own" things nobody would care. If a man ran in his own house, grabbed his own TV and threw it out the window, would America give a fuck?

5.  Instead of rioting they should be going to college or

     While all this rioting is happening, not one of these people are in school

This kills me.  

There is something sick and twisted about telling black kids to fix their problems by going to college when a good number of those kids won't be alive to go to college because they're being killed by the people sworn to protect them.

Also, I'd just like to reiterate - it is not up to these kids to do things to prevent being killed.  It is up to the people who are killing them to stop. 

It's important to add that college is not a possibility for everyone.  There are many, many reasons for this, but educated white people often refuse to see them. 

"Okay, but how is any of this contradictory to other actions?" 

Over the last day or two, it's been the same people who ignore economic problems that have made this suggestion.  It's been the people who were able to go to college without worrying about money.  It's been the people who say things like, "Student debt shouldn't be forgiven - they knew they were taking out loans when they signed!" 

If you're going to have the audacity to suggest going to college will end police killings, then at least fight to make college accessible for everyone. 

**Another point: When we're specifically talking about being followed, pursued, or killed by police, evidence suggests level of education makes no difference. 

**Just can't stop so... I don't think it's prudent to say, "these kids should be in school."  The schools are underfunded, the basic needs aren't met, and teachers are forced (thanks to standardization and the influence of companies like Pearson) to use textbooks that give a white-washed account of history.

6.  Get jobs and make the community better instead of burning it down. 

On April 15th, fast food workers went on strike demanding $15/hr and a union.  

On April 15th, many many educated, middle class white people condemned fast food workers for going on strike and demanding $15/hr and a union.  

You need to choose.  You can either tell black people to get jobs and fix the community (though you'll sound like a patronizing if you do) OR you can be against giving all workers a living wage (though you'll sound like a patronizing if you do).  

Many of those fast food workers were people of color.  Intersectionality is a thing.  You can't tell protesters to get jobs but then refuse to support living wages for those jobs.  

And so 

My suggestion is to try and understand where the rioters are coming from and to stand in solidarity with the peaceful protesters.  Lives are on the line.  

__

Charlotte