The Man Chronicles: Chuck

Welcome to The Man Chronicles, a series at THL.  Or more accurately, an "occasional series" because my dating life is very Miranda Hobbes circa her panic attack aka sources for post subjects are scarce.  I really get my flirt on with the Chinese food guy, though.   

Series motto (for now!), methinks: "Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?" 

Before I write this, I want everyone to know that I just went to mail some letters to my friends.  I needed stamps on all but one of the envelopes, so I handed that one to the man behind the counter and told him it was all set.  He looked at the stamp - it was of Professor McGonagall - and he said, "That's an awesome stamp!"  I then noticed that his brown shirt was not actually just a brown shirt, but a Chewbacca shirt.  I was going to tell him I liked it, but I worried that we'd exceed the acceptable level of geekiness.  (Also, I was nervous.) 

Point is, I walked out of there like, "Damn, what if he was my soulmate?  Why didn't I compliment his shirt and/or ask him out?  Come on, Char." 

Because you know, same taste in literature and movies means LOVE. 

source

Yes.  Logic.  

Reality be more like: 

source

But, on to Chuck. 

Ah, Chuck.  A memorable date. 

My one and only talent (and I'm not even that spectacular at it) is being funny.  I was given many opportunities to put this talent on display my sophomore year of college because I was very depressed and not handling it well, so I was always late to class.  And when I was late to class I got called on to answer questions much more frequently than normal.  And since there was nary a class that got my full attention, I didn't always know the answers to these questions.  So, like with most hard topics in life, I had to avoid the question at hand by making some sort of funny remark.  

Chuck sat right in front of me in one of those classes, and I guess my often-macabre sense of humor (it was a criminal justice class - this kind of humor was appropriate) charmed him because he asked me out in a painfully awkward Facebook chat.  You know, "Hey, so we should get together."  "Oh, like to study for criminal justice?" "Well... yeah but also like we should hang out."  "Oh, okay yeah I guess we can hang out after."  "No, I mean do you want to go get coffee or something?"  

I wasn't 100% sure he was asking me on a date until I asked my friends to decipher whether or not he was asking me on a date.  

(Male readers - specify!!!  It's so awkward to go to dinner, lunch, the movies, etc without knowing for certain whether or not it was supposed to be a date.  [...I've asked guys to "hang out" with intended vagueness so I'm a little bit of a hypocrite, but I'm a fan of the old-school man asking the woman on the first real date, so...])

Back to Chuck.  

So I agreed to the date, but I probably shouldn't have.  At the time I was not super interested in dating, and the one person I was interested in was... not Chuck.  I don't think that physical attraction is necessary for a first date, but I think it helps and well, there was none.  Or at least, I don't know how he felt but I was not attracted to him.  Obviously people can develop attraction over time, but I went on this date even though I didn't really want to, I wasn't interested in a relationship, and there wasn't an ounce of physical attraction to help.  Which all meant... I went into it with sort of a bad attitude.  But he was such a nice guy, so I didn't want to say no.  

The day of, I tried to be less pessimistic about it.  "Hey, free coffee, a nice guy - it could be fun."  

Except it wasn't.  I don't really know why.  There was no chemistry and we spent about half an hour talking about cartoons (and not even the cool cartoons) and then another hour talking about more stuff and just.. it didn't work out.  He was very nice, I like to think I was pleasant even though I wasn't interested, the coffee was fine.  But the date simply sucked.  

He drove me back to my car and he went to park and get out, but I didn't want to do the whole thing with him opening the door for me so I grabbed my bag, said, "Right here is fine, thanks" and took my seat belt off.  I took the handle and turned to say goodbye when he leaned in to kiss me.  I pulled the door handle and backed out of there so fast I almost fell ass backwards out of the car.  I felt a little bad but it was clear to me that I didn't want to date him and so I wasn't going to kiss the guy, especially since I knew then that he was still interested.

This is the part of the story in which I'm a huge jerk.

The date wasn't enjoyable for me, but I suppose it was for him because he kept pursuing me.  And instead of being mature, I kept putting the conversation off.  He'd ask me if I wanted to "hang out" (SPECIFY, DAMMIT) and I'd tell him I was busy studying.  He'd suggest going to the movies and I'd go back to LI for the weekend.  So for probably a month I kept up the "oh yeah, maybe later, I'm busy" thing and I'm sure it wasn't fun for him and I regret it now.  I wish I'd have been more thoughtful and just told him I wasn't interested instead of letting him think I might have been into him, but was just incredibly busy.  

Ugh, Charlotte. 

If Chuck ever reads this: I'm sorry!  I was a jerk.  You were very nice. 

Lesson learned: 

Communicate your damn feelings.   

Til next time. 

__

Charlotte 

The Man Chronicles: Michael

Welcome to The Man Chronicles, a series at THL.  Or more accurately, an "occasional series" because my dating life is very Miranda Hobbes circa her panic attack aka sources for post subjects are scarce.  I really get my flirt on with the Chinese food guy, though.   

Series motto (for now!), methinks: "Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?"

Check out other installments here. 

We left off with Matt and Jay, which was a real bore-fest (and creep-fest in the case of Jay).  

But luckily, things spice up a bit with Michael.  A very little bit. 

* * * 

I met Michael in a political science class my first semester of college.  The class was huge but the professor broke us up into teams, so we were forced to make friends, ugh.  (Mostly kidding.)  So he and I ended up being put in the same group and we got along really well.  He was a nice guy, he could carry a conversation well enough, and he was somewhat funny.  He didn't make the funniest jokes in the world, but he laughed at everyone else's, so that's something.  He was very easy going and likable.  

You know how groups will schedule study sessions or projects and then only two or three people show up?  That happened a few times, which meant I had a couple one-on-one conversations with Michael (I'm going to start calling him Mike now because full name sounds too formal..) and we became friends.  And then things got REAL and we became Facebook friends, woah.  So we often chatted online, we saw each other on the quad all the time, and we talked in class and in group meet-ups.  There was definitely flirting, but nothing that really suggested interest in a relationship at that point.  And then one night, I had just taken a shower so I was in less than glamorous pajamas (leggings and a sweatshirt ftw) and I'm pretty sure I had just thrown my hair up in a bun instead of doing anything with it when our Facebook convo went something like this: 

"Yeah I'm just going to watch a movie." 

"Oh that sounds fun." 

"Yeah, you can come over and watch one some time."

"Okay!  You live in Montauk Hall, right?  I'll be over in a few."

"Uh..... okay yeah."

You're coming here?  Now?  Why?

So yes.  I wasn't mad, but I wasn't looking forward to it, either.  It felt like a self-invite and I had totally planned on spending the night watching crappy movies and chatting with my friends.  There went those plans.  

So he came over, we watched Valkyrie in the most awkward way ever - he sat on my bed, I sat on my desk chair, and then... he didn't leave?  

I didn't say anything or ask him to leave, but I was just so over it (I looked like crap, I couldn't watch my movies, etc.) but then he just kind of laid down on the bed, grabbed the remote, and put TV on.  I believe we watched The Terminator?  Or the end of it?  And then it was over and I was like, "Okay, I'll see ya!"  And I suppose he finally got it because he stood up to leave.  

My God, the next two minutes we the most awkward of.. that semester.  

He stood up, faced me, and just STOOD THERE.  Didn't do anything.  So there we were, just standing there and then he went to hug me.  Fine, whatever.  I'll hug.  Weird, but okay.  

So we hug and then this dude just KEEPS STANDING THERE, AGAIN.  And in my head I'm just like, "What do you want?  I need to go to bed, please leave."  (In an amused sort of way, not an angry way.)  

Then he leans in and hugs me again and I'm starting to wonder if he's okay?  Maybe is he dying?  Is he sick?  Does he think we'll never see each other again?  Should I call back up?  

Mostly I'm being dramatic, but really.. 

So then that hug ends and, because we're all fond of patterns, he once again stands there.  

BUT THEN he leans in, differently, and it hits me, this mother effer wants to kiss.  I'm all for it, except, well no, I'm not.  Two hours ago I thought we were just friends and then what?  Valkyrie transforms us into more-than-friends?  I wasn't really feeling it, plus I'm not great with relationships as is, so my literal thought process was, "Oh.  He wants to make out.  Gross."  

I'm so lovely.

(Lest any potential man is reading and thinks I am against kissing - I AM NOT.  Just wasn't feeling this.) 

I wasn't about to make out though, so it was short and simple and then finally he left and I could have some peace and quiet.    

Obviously, I called one of my best friends, Dana.  I told her the whole story, and then, because we really were meant to be friends, she goes,

"Ew, gross, he kissed you?  Did he stick his tongue down your throat?"

I think I said something like yes we kissed but EW, NO.

Related aside: I once read an interview with Zac Efron in which he says he hates when people use too much tongue while kissing, and that an ideal kiss involves only a little bit of tongue.  I wholeheartedly agree.  Maybe I should date Zac Efron?  

HAHAHA

So yes, Mike. He went back to his own dorm and then sent me a Facebook message about having fun and said we were like twins because of similar interests and I just sat in my chair, bemused.  Twins?  I think maybe if we're kissing we should figure out a different way to convey that we have some shared interests.  

Things were a little awkward for a few days and the next weekend my suitemates and I were having a little shindig.  He texted me a few times and I told him he was more than welcome to come by, but he was insistent that I leave and go to his room.  I politely said no, but he kept on keeping on, so I stopped answering his texts.  But then he called a few times and I got so annoyed.  He said some really rude things and then told a mutual friend he was pissed I wouldn't go there and sleep with him and I pretty much cut things off there.  (This made class really fun.)  I don't really harbor any ill will toward him, though I thought the way he acted that weekend was.. less than classy?  

There's some regret or "what if" thoughts with some of the guys I've talked to, but definitely not with Mike.  Again, I don't feel negatively about him or toward him, I just don't think a relationship with him was in the cards anyway.  All is well with that one.  

Next up: Nice guy Chuck. 

__

Charlotte 

The Man Chronicles: An Introduction

Welcome to The Man Chronicles, a series at THL.  Or more accurately, an "occasional series" because my dating life is very Miranda Hobbes circa her panic attack aka sources for post subjects are scarce.  I really get my flirt on with the Chinese food guy, though.   

Series motto (for now!), methinks: "Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?"

There are three things in life that I often wish I enjoyed more: summer, wearing heels, and dating.  

sources sources sources

Rock on, hypothetical Charlotte. 

Unfortunately, I can't go out in the summer without burning, I just can't do high heels, and, to the point of this post, I hate hate hate dating.  I find it so uncomfortably awkward and I'm not into dating for fun.  I kind of wish you could magically be placed smack dab in the middle of a serious relationship and not have to endure (or "enjoy" depending on the amount of liquid in the glass...) dating first.  

But that's not how it works! so I've had to suck it up and now I'm going to go ahead and share these grand experiences with you, all three of my readers.  (That said, not everyone on here will be someone I've dated.  It's "The Man Chronicles" not "The Guys I've Dated Chronicles" so.) 

A Summary of Me 

Yesterday I was playing basketball with my cousins and sisters.  On the court next to us there were a bunch of guys around my age playing a game.  One of the kids missed a pass and our ball was rolling into their court so, without really thinking, I said, 

"Ball!  Ball!  Don't trip and fall!"

Dammit, Char.  DOES EVERYTHING NEED TO RHYME?!

This is one reason I'm single.

Another reason?  I almost never make a move or display interest.  This breaks down like so: 

25% "I'm the girl!  I don't want to make the first move!" / 75% issues with rejection.  

I know no one likes to be rejected, but after an entire childhood of it, I really, really struggle with getting past it.  Sometimes I do, but it takes a lot of effort.  

Also, the lackluster amount of self confidence doesn't help.  Working on it, though.

I'm sure there's more to it, but I think that covers the basics.  Dating just is not my thing.  It comes very easily to some people, I know.  And the amount of people who have told me, "You're young! Have fun!  Go on dates!" probably numbers in the double digits.  

Lest you think I'm a total fun-sucking bore - while the prospect as a whole is almost never thrilling or exciting for me, I do manage to have fun on individual dates.  Worry not. 

"What do you want in a man?"  

I admit I roll my eyes a little when people answer this question with a massive list of perfect qualities.  I mean I get wanting perfection, but... I also don't want to die alone, so, I ditched that idea looong ago.  There are, though, a few things that I guess I look for in a man.  I'd prefer a sense of humor.  I'd like someone who thinks about the world.  I know this is absolutely 100% ridiculous, but I don't think I'd ever consider a serious relationship with a Red Sox fan.    

I know that none of the following things usually come up in the first couple dates, but if we're talking long run:

I wouldn't want to get serious with someone who doesn't care about politics.  I don't mean on a daily basis or someone with a wealth of info on politics  - those things don't matter as much to me.  But if you know about poverty and don't care about it, or if you know about racism and don't care about it I'm not interested.  That basically boils down to caring about other people.  I firmly believe that we're all supposed to see each other as brothers and sisters.  So if a guy only cared about himself and his own friends and family, I wouldn't really be interested.  (I feel the same way toward friends.  All of my closest friends are people who deeply care about other people.)   

I'm Catholic.  I'm okay being with a non-Catholic, but it's important that the guy is okay with that.  

Basic kindness.

I wouldn't get serious-serious with someone who didn't want kids.  I totally respect the decision, but I want them and you can't really compromise between not wanting to bring little humans into the world and very much wanting to bring little humans into the world.

There are other things that come to mind, but those are what stand out most to me.

The Characters so Far

I'm not going to talk about every man I've ever flirted with, but there are seven or so guys that have, for better or for worse, been seared into my memory.  

(Of course, all names have been changed.  BUT I picked names similar in style to their real names because I'm nutty like that.)

I'm going to group Matt and Jay together because neither lasted long and both were around high school/the first year of college.  I never really dated either, but I guess I "talked to" (ugh so annoying) them both and there are awkward but funny stories for each.  I'll share those tomorrow.  

Chuck, my first technical "date."  

Michael, the guy who showed potential but then things got weird and it was awful because not only were we in the same class, but we were on the same team within that class, so there was no avoiding each other. 

Alex, a really nice guy who was my friend but then we had shared interest in each other... but never put a label on it and................... just again things got weird.  But, still friends.  

Jake, a recent/sometimes current man of interest.

and

John, a man I don't really have a crush on.  But sometimes I picture us married. 

Stay tuned. 

__

Charlotte 

Later posts in this series:

The Man Chronicles: Matt and Jay