Alliterative Baby Names: A-H

It's been so long since I've written a post, I've almost forgotten how to do it. Oops! 

Over the last year I've written quite a bit, but almost entirely in an actual, physical notebook. Weird, I know. My plan is to write on here more this year. More personal posts, but also fun stuff, like, ahem... names?! Yes. Good. In the next few days I want to get some goals and resolutions up here, as well as bookish stuff. It's been so long since I've written anything about books, and I made the colossal mistake of not keeping a solid list of the books I read in 2018. 

So - more posts to come. But I thought I'd start with a fun one, first. To get my momentum going! :) 

Y'all know I'm a massive fan of all things name-related. And a lot of you do, too - the name posts are among the most popular on this site! With that in mind, a few months ago my friend (hey Liz, wassup?!) talked about how it might be fun to do name-game type of posts; challenges like "come up with matchy nature names for twins" or "come up with two names using characters in your favorite book" - that kind of stuff. (And if you find this as fun as I do, you should check out Swistle, Sancta Nomina, and Appellation Mountain! All three sites receive letters from expectant parents and offer advice on baby names, whether it's trying to find a name that sounds great with the siblings' names, or looking for names related to a specific holiday, or offering solutions to parents trying to name a baby after a family member with a less-than-ideal name.) 

Anyway! First game up is alliteration! Some folks avoid repeating initials, but I think there's something charming about alliterative names. Sometimes they just sound fantastic - it's also nice because, to my ear anyway, alliterative names give you the opportunity to merge two different styles. Buzz and Benjamin? Very different names - it'd be startling to meet brothers named Benjamin and Buzz. But put those names together, into a first and middle name? It suddenly works; I suppose the letters tying into each other will do that for a name. Alliteration can build bridges, it can work for any style, for any parents seeking any vibe. Some of these names have a Catholic flair, some have more of a (very slight) hipster vibe. Some have both. (Plus, a lot of old, vintage names are being used by parents of all ages and lifestyles.) And unisex names can work, too! (For names that I think fit particularly well into those categories, I'll mark them by using those colors!) To me, this can often be a really good solution if one parent likes boyish names for a daughter and the other likes frilly names - or if one likes a soft, worldly name for a son and the other prefers a harder, "strong" name. 

And truly, I think alliterative names are often just plain delightful to read and to say aloud.

So, that brings us to... a list of possible alliterative names for each letter of the alphabet! Today's list is A-H. I-O and P-Z will be posted over the next couple of days.  

A: Girl Names

Agatha Anne

Amalia Adelaide

Alice Antonia

Anastasia Adair 

Azelie Anne

Agnes Adele

Anna Aliz

Adeline Avery

Ava Abigail

Astrid Adelaide 

A: Boy Names

Adrian Augustine

Albert Ambrose

Arthur Abraham

Anthony Alistair

Anthony Aldo 

Andre Atticus

Alfred Aquinas

Arlo Alexander

B: Girl Names

Bronwen Briella

Beatrix Blair

Bernadette Bloom

Bridget Belphoebe 

Belen Blythe 

Beryl Brianne

Bo Beatrice

Bridget Bellamy 

B: Boy Names

Bennett Bryce

Barnaby Bram

Benedict Baz

Bruno Boyd

Benjamin Buzz

Beckett Blase

Basil Bernard

Bellamy Bruce

C: Girl Names

Caroline Claire

Catherine Cosima

Clara Clementine 

Cecily Cate

Constance Colette

Charlotte Claire 

Caris Cordelia

Cecilia Clare

Cleo Chiara

Cara Cornelia

Calliope Clair 

Catherine Cosette

Cora Christine

Cowen Clarice

Coralie Cate

C: Boy Names

Christopher Clark

Charles Cooper

Caleb Cassius 

Clement Cuthbert*

Christopher Cuthbert

Crosby Cole

Conrad Cornelius

Christopher Cowen

Cornelius Conrad

Cedric Cyprus

Cosmo Carrington 

Cary Calloway

Christopher Cosimo

D: Girl Names

Della Diane

Darcy Doreen

Daphne Dolores 

Darcy Delphine

Dara Delphine

Dorcas Diana 

Dorothy Day 

D: Boy Names

Daniel Dimitri

Desmond Diego

Damian Drew

Donovan Dax

David Dashiell

Dominic Dean

Dale Davis

E: Girl Names

Elizabeth Elwell

Evangeline Elle

Eleanor Eliza

Edith Ellery

Em Eloise

Elowen Elizabeth

Elisabeth Evangeline

Edith Evangelina

Eliza Elm

Elodie Emilia

Eleanor Elspeth

Esther Evangeline

Erin Esmeralda

Etta Elisabeth

Edie Estrella 

Everly Elizabeth

Evelyn Elizabeth

Emma Estelle 

Elizabeth Eve

E: Boy Names

Eric Ezekiel

Edward Elijah

Errol Elijah

Elliot Edmund

Eli Ephraim

Enzo Elijah

Everett Eli

Emerson Echo

Erwin Ezekiel

Enzo Elias

Elwyn Everett 

Edwin Emmanuel

Emmanuel Edward

F: Girl Names

Felicity Faye

Frances Felicity

Freya Faustine

Flannery Faye

Fiona Faye

Frances Fern

Finley Francine

Frankie Fiona

Florence Fiona

Flora Felicity

F: Boy Names

Frederick Fitzgerald

Francis Felix

Francis Finnegan

Franklin Flavio

Forest Ferdinand

G: Girl Names

Gemma Gianna

Gemma Genevieve

Georgia Grace

Gloria Gwen

Gwen Guadalupe

Greta Georgette

Gia Geraldine

Gabrielle Gwen

Gemma Grace

G: Boy Names

George Gerard

Gabriel Gilbert

Gregory Giles

Gideon George

Gus Grover

Gino Giuseppe

Gideon Good

Gil Gideon

Garrett Gregory

Gregory Gilbert

Gavin Gabriel 

Grayson George

Graham Gilbert

Garrett Gunther

George Gibson

H: Girl Names

Harriet Hildegard

Helen Henrietta

Harriet Harper

Helena Happy

Hazel Helaine 

Helga Henrietta

Hollis Harriet

Heidi Helena

Hattie Hildegard 

Holly Hester 

Hero Helene

Hillary Harper

Haley Helaine

Harley Heloise 

Hadley Harper

H: Boy Names

Hal Harrison

Henry Huck

Henry Harper

Henry Hunter

Hugo Harrison

Henry Hamish

Hector Hudson

Harry Hawthorne

Harvey Howard

Harvey Herbert

Harvey Hamish

Harrison Heath

Harold Hayes

Hugo Harper

Harley Hector

Hadley Hamish

And that's all for the A-H list... though I'm sure I missed some! I think my personal favorites here are Agatha Anne, Agnes Adele, Albert Ambrose, Bridget Bellamy, Barnaby Bram, Basil Bernard, Clara Clementine, Cecily Cate, Conrad Cornelius, Darcy Delphine, Desmond Diego, Eleanor Eliza, Edwin Emmanuel, Florence Fiona, Felicity Faye, Francis Felix, Gwen Guadalupe, Gregory Gilbert, Gideon George, Harriet Hildegard, Harvey Hamish, and Henry Harper.    

*While making this list I remembered that Cuthbert is a literary name via Anne of Green Gables and now I am obsessed.

The Harry Potter Books Ranked, 2017

Sorry it's been a little while since I've posted.. between then and now I needed an emergency surgery and have just been recovering. There are a lot of things I'd like to post about, but I'm easing myself back in with something light and fun - a ranking of the Harry Potter books. (Not counting The Cursed Child because I'll never consider that an actual part of the story.)

My friend Liz finally read the entire series as my 2016 reading challenge for her and so we've discussed the books quite a bit over the last few months. She is officially a Harry Potter nerd. Thank God. Well, with that and the plethora of HP-related articles floating around the internet, it was sort of inevitable to talk about which books are our favorites. I don't have kids but I imagine it's a bit like picking your favorite child. It's so hard, you love them all.

For me, it seems like I'm always ranking them in a slightly different order. Some are always in the top 3, but there's not a solid list - so I thought it'd be fun to rank them every year or so to see how my preferences have changed (especially since I tend to read each book at least twice a year).

"But how to rank you?"

And so, without further ado, let the sorting er, ranking begin!

7. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 

I hate to do this because it automatically feels like the books at the bottom are books I don't like and that's just not true - each and every one of the HP books are at the top of my all-time favorite lists, after only Jane Eyre. 

To be fair, I've read PoA less than I've read any of the other books in the series. I've actually been thinking I need to read this one as soon as I finish my current book (The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte). Maybe that will be enough to bring it up a place or two or five in 2018's ranking? 

I do remember really enjoying reading how Harry spent his time in Diagon Alley at the end of summer holidays. And of course, I absolutely love Professor Lupin. And how Harry overcomes the dementors! So beautiful and significant to the whole series. Although... I also remember really hating the end of this book. I know Peter Pettigrew had to escape for the plot to go on, but... ah, I resent the end every. single. time. Had Sirius been a truly free man, he and Harry could have had such a different story! Dammit, Wormtail! DAMMIT, ROWLING!

6. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

This is another one I haven't read as often as I have books 1 and 4-7, so it's not completely fair. Of course, I still love CoS, just not as much as some of the others. Something I do love about it is the time we get to spend at the Burrow. The Weasleys are the best literary family, hands down. I will say that I think the first two movies (Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets) are the best in the franchise. 

5. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

  

I like love stories, but I don't like love triangles. I also don't think Hermione and Ron make a good match. Between those two things, Half Blood Prince loses a little bit of its ~shine~ to me. (I also get generally annoyed because it's the one on tv most often and, like..... show the other movies, would ya?)

I do, of course, love the scenes between Harry and Dumbledore. Learning about Voldemort's past, seeing Harry and Dumbledore's relationship up close... love it. (I love the conversations between the two of them at the end of every book, so HBP is a treat.)

4. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

This story might not be as dense as the others, but it's the first one and it gets me every time. There's nothing better than rereading Harry's first time visiting Diagon Alley. The first is wonderful because we get to experience all the magic again.

3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 

I know a lot of people think OotP is the "worst" of the Harry Potter books. I disagree.

Harry is definitely annoying in this book. No question about that. And he makes some dumb choices. But the book also includes glimpses into the way our favorite witches and wizards are organizing to resist Voldemort and his influence at the Ministry of Magic (sound real-life familiar, or...?) and that is awesome.

I read a book called How Harry Cast His Spell by John Granger and in it Granger observes that, of many of the people he's talked to about the books, introverts prefer PoA and OotP and enjoy the two better than most extroverts do. I tend to lean more introvert, so maybe that also affects my view of the book, who knows?

2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I have read this book so many times that my copy is currently in two pieces, ripped down the spine. I probably should get on it and buy a new one...

This is what the book looked like a year ago when it was still managing to hang on by a single thread... wah

I love damn near everything about this book (don't even talk to me about the movies though... smh). So many of our questions are answered, everything makes sense, the whole story is tied together... I feel like you can't not like it, just for those reasons alone??

The mystery of the horcruxes is also intriguing, as of course is the question of whether or not the Hallows are real (and whether Voldemort knows about them). I like seeing the trio (especially Hermione and Harry) really come into their own, I like the warm, homey feeling we get during the birthday dinner for Harry at the Burrow. There's so much I like. (Though, like everyone else, the deaths are heavy in this one.)

My favorite part of this book is the end, of course. The symbolism, the ending Rowling feared readers would have guessed too early had she explicitly told us it was a Christian story. The best chapter there ever was: The Forest Again. Harry seeing his parents, Sirius, and Lupin - them giving him strength to sacrifice himself so that others may live.

There's not much more you can ask for from a book.

Neville cutting off the snake's head was cool, too.

And finally...

1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This is usually the book I proclaim as my favorite of the series. It is perfection.

Sure, it's hard having to endure Ron and Harry's silent fight. But it's worth it because this book is meaty and magical and I don't know, think of another "m" adjective, would you?

I love that we're given some light fun - the Quidditch World Cup (pre-death-eater-parading-around-helpless-muggles, of course), the dance, the Burrow!!, the feasts, the boys getting caught up by the veela, on and on and on. It's got that same magical feeling we were given by the truckloads in Sorcerer's Stone, but the story is also intensifying. We're starting to see real struggle, character development, and obviously, more in-your-face good vs. evil.

Of course, the ending of this one is hard. I think I cry more at the end of this than any of the others, maybe. The moment that comes to mind is when Harry is in the hospital wing after he's returned with the cup and Cedric's body, and Mrs. Weasley (a hero, for real) tells him Cedric's death wasn't his fault. Harry then responds with something like, "I told him to take the cup with me," his eyes filling with tears. (And maybe mine too as I recall this...) And then she hugs him and, not for the first time in the series, he feels glad for it. It's so emotional. GoF, while the graveyard scene is terrifying and horribly sad, is a heck of a book. I love it because it's got fun and danger, it's really the pivotal moment in the series, it's dark but balanced with enough light. It never, ever gets old.

I think it'll still probably be my #1 next year, but I suppose only time will tell.

What do ya'll think?

Books I Read in 2015

Oh yeah, baby. This was the first year I've read more than 30 books and I'm feeling like a bad ass bitch queen. Obviously. 

I really would like to get to a point where I'm reading around 45 books a year. That sounds like a lot, but I think it's doable if I prioritize reading. I didn't spend a ton of time reading this year and I managed to read 34 (and counting!) books, so I'm setting my hopes sky high. More on my 2016 reading goals later. For now, here's a list of the books I finished this year (if I wrote a review I'll link to it): 

1. Wicked by Gregory Maguire

2. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

3. God is on the Cross: Reflections on Lent and Easter by Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

4. And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie 

5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling (re-read, and I read this twice, actually)

6. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

7. An Enemy of the People by Henrik Ibsen

8. Awaken the Spirit Within by Rebecca Rosen

9. Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

10. Seizing Your Divine Moment by Erwin Raphael McManus

11. Everything Happens Today by Jesse Browner 

12. Bossypants by Tina Fey

13. Walking With the Comrades by Arundhati Roy

14. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling (re-read)

15. Tales of Beedle and the Bard by J.K. Rowling

16. 2BR02B by Kurt Vonnegut 

17. The Christmas Grandma Ran Away From Home by Nancy Warren

18. How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace: The Smart Guide to Flirting by Susan Rabin

19. The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie

20. Gregor the Overlander by Suzanne Collins

21. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum

22. One More Thing by B.J. Novak

23. Gregor and the Prophecy of Bane by Suzanne Collins 

24. Gregor and the Curse of the Warmbloods by Suzanne Collins

25. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

26. Gregor and the Marks of Secret by Suzanne Collins

27. Gregor and the Code of Claw by Suzanne Collins

28. Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling

29. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling (re-read)

30. The Tsar of Love and Techno by Anthony Marra

31. The Quest by Nelson DeMille 

32. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens 

33. 2AM at the Cat's Pajamas by Marie-Helene Bertino

34. The Martian by Andy Weir

and I'm in the middle of Pride and Prejudice. When I finish that, I hope to finish The Great Divorce.

So for me, it was a pretty good year for books. Here's hoping I can reach 40 in 2016!

__

Charlotte  

Some of My Favorite Books

Sorry about the hiatus. I know I said in my last post that I'd be posting more regularly... but then there were car accident injuries and grandparents in ICU and family staying at the house and well, not much time for blogging, unfortunately. Fingers crossed that things really will be calmer now!

Liz and I were recently talking about books, as we are wont to do. We were thinking about how different the sound of "fifteen books" and the feel of "fifteen books" are - as in, 15 books doesn't sound like all that much! But when you're reading book after book, 15 books a year feels like a lot, especially when it's on top of work and school and other life things. (Same with donuts. No, just kidding, not the same.)

Anyway, this got me reflecting a bit on my own reading goals. This year I set out to read more than I normally do, and I think I was pretty successful! I've read over 30 books and we've still got a month to go! I won't lie, I really want to get to a point where I'm reading between 40 and 50 books a year. And I think now would be a good time to develop the reading habits necessary to do so. I usually lay in bed early in the morning and late at night, very tired but unable to fall asleep. If I spent even some of that time reading, I could probably double the number of books I read. Late last night I glanced at the list of books I've read this year (I'll share it here as we near January), and thought it'd be fun to make a list of all of my favorite books, whether I've read them this year or not. 

1. The entire Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling 

Of course. I think it's high time I write a post on all the reasons I love HP so, so much, so I won't go too deep into that now. But some main reasons: Rowling does a wonderful job of creating a good vs evil story, and her view of evilness as something that is built, not born, is something I dig. Her themes of love, friendship, and sacrifice are damn near tangible, and her characters are wonderful. There is so much to love about HP. 

2. The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by Ayana Mathis

Some of the best writing I've encountered, ever. A lot of today's writers create terrific stories, but don't fuss over the writing itself. Mathis is not one of those writers. It was a pleasure to read something by an author who hasn't forgotten about literary tools like imagery and voice. The story itself is a beautiful but sad one, about a woman raising her children - and those children as adults - in a world that puts you down if you're black and if you're poor. Not only was it a good read, but it's an important one, as well.

3. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

Well, I love everything I've read by Tolkien so far. (I've been thinking I'd like to read the Lord of the Rings trilogy again!) But The Hobbit especially sticks with me, and I'm very fond of it. I remember having the most amazing dreams every night while I was reading it, haha. Like all of his work, the themes are terrific, but it was just so fun and exciting, too. I've gotten more into fantasy and adventure as I've gotten older, and I think Tolkien might have something to do with it. 

      

4. Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay

I won't pretend that this book belongs up there with the likes of Tolkien, as far as good literature goes. Sarah's Key is well written, for sure, but it isn't spectacular writing. The writing itself never left me breathless. That said, the story was one I couldn't put down. Part mystery, part historical fiction, part marital-strife, I can't really imagine anyone not liking this book. We learn the story of Sarah, a Jewish girl who lived during the Holocaust, as present-day journalist Julia unravels a mystery. It's gut-wrenching, to be sure, but there are glimpses of hope throughout, and Rosnay does a good job of dragging us in so that we just must keep reading. I've seen some folks say it's good, though not as good as The Book Thief. Having read both, I feel the opposite. The Book Thief was a very good book, but I thought it took a rather long time to really get going. Sarah's Key is the opposite. It's fast paced the entire length of the novel. It's been years since I've read it, and it still sticks with me as one of the better books I've read. 

     

5. Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin

I will never, ever, ever stop singing Gretchen Rubin's praises. I've read a fair few self-help books and NONE, NOT ONE can compare to Rubin's books. There are books out there that offer words of inspiration, sure. That's nice, but warm quotes will only take you so far. And then there are books that are scarily apt at describing the sad state of my life and/or mood, but fail to give good advice for change. By far the best, and I mean absolute best, self-help book I've read is Rubin's Better Than Before (naturally, a close second is her previous book, The Happiness Project). Rubin digs into research and experimentation to provide actually helpful advice. Not only that, but she went so far as to develop a framework so that every person who reads it can see what kind of person they are, and then decide which bits of guidance and advice is best for them. It's amazing. Literally anyone can benefit from her books. It's like tailored advice. I'm planning to give it a re-read since there are some more habits I'm trying to change. I'd recommend it to anyone trying to grow or change or form habits.

6. Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos 

Okay, so, the writing itself isn't exceptional, but it's a sweet, intriguing, fairly quick read, and everyone can enjoy one of those. It centers around a woman and her various relationships - romantic, familial, friendly. And a little kid "walks in" to her life, changing things up a bit. I won't lie, the ending pissed me off a bit (I remember feeling that the little girl in the story got gypped), but otherwise, I enjoyed the story. It was just a warm book that offered lots of sweet quotes, and it always comes to mind when I try and think of my favorite books. 

7. The Tsar of Love and Techno by Anthony Marra

Ahhhhh! I just finished this book and it is just out of this world. I reviewed it over on Filthy Casket last night, so you can go check that out. It has everything a good book ought to: great narrative, suspense, terrific writing, and so much more. I rarely buy hardcover books (I like hardcover books, I just don't like the $10 extra dollars they cost...), but if you're looking for a good read, go make the splurge. It is worth every dime. It gave me chills more than once. I won't be surprised if kids are reading this book as part of their curriculum one day.

8. A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn

I read this in my high school social studies class and basically I bow down to those teachers who insisted we read this and all but ignoring the assigned textbook. It was the first book to really make me question everything we had learned about history, government, politics, and the economy up until that point. Instead of the happy, shiny, "'merica" we're all used to hearing about, Zinn gave us the true stories of our history. Totally eye-opening. Everyone should read this book.

9. In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez 

I read this book a few years ago, and I still think of it often. It's the story of the Mirabal sisters, who fought against a dictatorship in the Dominican Republican. It tugged at the heartstrings, had me not wanting to put it down, and shed light on an important struggle. I'd recommend it to any of my political friends, especially those who devote themselves to fighting injustice and oppression. 

10. Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie 

Ohhhh my gosh I cannot get enough of Christie's books. Of all that I've read, Murder on the Orient Express is my favorite (so far, anyway!). I felt like I was in a game of Clue the entire time. I couldn't put it down, I couldn't stop guessing what the end would be (I was wrong, every time. I have no idea how she does it.), and I couldn't help but love how vivid all the characters were. Christie spends little time describing her characters, yet I can see them so clearly. Hercule Poirot bouncing around is, like, my favorite thing. I also love the setting for Murder on the Orient Express. The short span of time and the enclosed space made it more interesting. I ate that book up. She's become one of my favorite authors, and this is my favorite book of hers.

I'm sure I'll read this tomorrow and remember a book I love that I didn't think of tonight. Oh well! For now, these are the books that really stick out to me as books that I've absolutely loved.

To reading!
__
Charlotte

24 Random Facts About Me

1. I'm already regretting my decision to write a post of 24 random facts.
2. While driving yesterday, a chicken was in the middle of the street, freshly escaped from its coop. Of course I had to verbally utter, "Why did the chicken cross the road??"
3. I have a decent sense of humor, but I often ruin it with corny jokes. 
4. I'm just slightly obsessed with trains. 
5. My best friend's brother and cousin covered one of my eyes with a toothpaste-lotion-soap-glue mixture they made when I slept over one night. It was painful and...
6. I literally slept with one eye open, as the other was stuck shut.
7. I loathe intentional walks. (If you don't watch baseball, you can disregard that. ;) 
8. The only big concert I've ever been to was a Jonas Brothers concert. 
9. I got into a fight in second grade because this bitch tried telling us all that Santa wasn't real.
10. Picking a favorite food is an impossible task.
11. I have a single strand of shiny white/gray hair. 
12. I want to have a big family.
13. Charlotte's Web was the bane of my existence for the first 13 years of life. 
14. I'm exaggerating slightly. It was a little annoying though. 
15. I let my friends help pick out my confirmation saint. ...Turns out there is no Saint Cassandra. 
16. Sunsets may or may not result in crying/shrieking from me. 
17. I love the rain.
18. I'm very much in favor of the Oxford comma. 
19. I have strong feelings about which of the Harry Potter movies were best (Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets - I wish Chris Columbus had directed all of the movies).
20. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
21. I think know dogs > cats. (But cats > other household pets that aren't dogs.)
22. I'm in love with a man nearly twice my age.
23. Just kidding, I only sort of like a guy, and he's my age. #square
24. I want to do this one day.

Bonus: I'm currently watching the Mets/Dodgers game and sort of wishing that everyone had the Yankees' dress code that requires clean hair cuts...

__

Charlotte

Ten Things to do on a Rainy Day

It's been not-so-great here (according to everyone else... personally, I love rain) lately and that tends to get people in a rut.  But there are so many fun things to do on rainy days. 

1. Take advantage of a Shutterfly deal.  Seriously, they have great deals all the time.  Today you can get 101 free 4x6 prints if you use the code 101TREATS.  If you're reading this on a day that is not August 10, 2015 don't fret - they have deals all the time.  All the time.  Hop on over to their Facebook page and look for the offers.  Then go ahead and get yourself some free pictures.  (Also, this is not sponsored.  I just love them.)

2. Go read Harry Potter, ya doof. 

3. In that same vein, go to the library.  I neglected libraries for a few years.  Amazon and my killer ability to find books on sale at Barnes and Noble meant I didn't really have any need for libraries - or so I thought.  

Truth is, libraries are freaking amazing.  There's nothing worse (other than like, poverty and sickness and terrorism and Donald Trump) than buying a book and really hating it.  Libraries set you free.  No more wasting $15 on a book that turns out to be horrid.  You can read that awful book for free!  Yeah!  (Added bonus: I feel less guilt about starting a book and not finishing it if I didn't pay for it.  Which means no more forcing myself to read a crappy story.)  A lot of libraries also have used books for less than $1.  Grab the change out of your pockets and head to the library on a rainy day.  Emerge with a stack of new-to-you books.

4. Do some kind of craft or DIY project.  I have a pair of shoes that were $14 at Target.  Summer is almost over and the shoes are starting to wear, so I'm going to throw them in the washer and when they're done drying I'm going to take some Painters markers and go to town.  Haven't yet decided if I want words, stripes, polka dots, zig zags or this or this!  But really, there are a ton of awesome projects to do even if you don't happen to have blank shoes and a supply of paint markers.  Peruse Pinterest and find something fabulous to make.

5. Call one of your friends.  I called my bff Olivia the other day for no real reason.  She mumbles a little bit when she's on the phone (<3 you anyway, Liv) so it's hard to decipher what she's saying sometimes, but it is always so nice to hear her voice.  Texting/emailing/Facebook messaging is great but just not the same.  

6. Similarly, write letters.  I regularly write to some of my friends and it's wonderful.  Even though most of us can talk online there are things that feel more natural when they're written in a nice, long letter.  It always makes people happy to get something non-bill-related in the mail, plus you'll likely get a letter back!  Postage is like 44 cents, so you can really go crazy!  Go get yourself a 25 cent book from the library, call in an order for $1.71 wonton soup, and head to the post office.  You'll wait on line a few minutes and and then your letter will be sent and you'll have precisely the right amount of time to get to the Chinese food place as soon as they bag your order.  Congrats, you're having a great day at the low, low price of $2.50!  

I may or may not have just divulged my most frequent rainy-day sched. 

7. Do what you'd be doing if it was sunny.  Really.  Unless it's thundering and lightening (I never go outdoors in storms, no sirree.) or raining to the point where it's dangerous, go ahead and have your outdoor adventure.  (Within reason.)  I drove to a mountain "river" (in quotation marks because it feels more like a creek, but hey) the other day with my younger cousins.  It ended up pouring as soon as we got out of the car.  My ass did not just waste five dollars and thirty minutes of our precious lives, though, so I insisted we swim anyway.  It was incredibly fun, we all survived, and the rain only lasted about ten minutes.  The one thing I'd say is to wear clothes that aren't important.

Playing basketball is fun in the rain.  Going to the park is fun in the rain.  Going on walks in the rain is fun and you can pretend you're super fancy/romantic a la The Notebook.  Or something.

8. Have a new blog you love?  Hang out with some hot chocolate and read the posts from the archives.  I've done this a bit with Design Mom (houses, travels, backyards to die for), Held by His Pierced Hands, and Emma Lou.  But any blog or website will do.  Or, start your own blog!

9. Pick your favorite topic and create a new Pinterest Board on it.  Pinterest can get out of hand but I think, in general, occasional binges are fine.  I have a Christmas board, a library board, and too many home design/decor boards to mention.  I love adding to them on rainy days.  (And trying to create things inspired by them on rainy days, too.)

10. Write a list of things to do instead of actually doing anything.  

We bad, we bad.

__
Charlotte
   

   

   

What NOT to Say to Someone Who is Depressed

So I usually share these blog posts on Facebook (duh) and most of the views this blog gets are from people coming via Facebook.  After I wrote the post about depression, a few people who I don't really talk to much sent me messages saying that they're glad someone finally gets it.  Because really, most people don't understand what it's like.  That's not a bad thing - the fewer people who go through it the better.  But it does help to get a sense of what someone feels when they're depressed that way you know how to support them.  

There are a lot of things that are commonly said to depressed people that don't do much good.  The people obviously mean well, but since it's hard to relate, sometimes the advice does more harm than good.  Or it just does nothing.  If you're reading this and you see something you've said listed, chill.  I'm not mad at you and chances are no one else is, either.  We've all said some of the things on this list, myself included.  And I'm fully aware that the things on this list are almost always said out of caring/love/etc.  But (at least for me), the depressed mind isn't always the most rational mind, and it's good to see why these may not be the best things to say. 

1. Toughen up.  

Fairly certain that this is always said by people who like the tough-love stuff.  Which is fine.  And you can say this to me if I'm in the middle of a little crisis, and I'll know you're right.  But if you say this to me while I'm at my worst, I usually just get pissed off.  Because honestly, if someone has chronic depression, the fact that they're alive means they're tough.  If they get up, they're tough.  If you haven't experienced that paralyzing feeling, you can't understand just how difficult it is for a chronically depressed person to do anything.  As far as I'm concerned, if you're depressed and you're making a conscious decision to not hurt yourself, you're the toughest motherfucker around.  You go, Glenn Coco. 

Unfortunately, if you're depressed (and especially if you already have self esteem issues), "toughen up" translates into, "You're weak."  Is that rational?  Probably not.  But I know for me, if I'm really struggling and someone tells me to toughen up, they're telling me that I'm weak.  And if I think I'm being weak I just get angrier at myself and if I'm angry at myself I'm less inclined to do anything to help myself.  

2. At least you're not dying/It could be worse, you could have a real sickness, like cancer. 

Yes, people actually say stuff like this.  My immediate (internal) reaction is typically "fuck you."  

There's a lot wrong with this bit of advice.  First of all, depression IS real.  Just because it isn't physical doesn't mean it isn't real.  An absurd amount of people suffer and die from depression everyday.  

Second, it's like doing a little guilt-thing.  So now on top of being depressed and pissed at you for this bit of advice, I now feel bad for complaining about it because there's a kid dying from cancer somewhere.  I'm not sure, but I think when people say this, they're trying to tap into the "the glass is half full" spirit.  I think.  Not sure.  Because yes, it could be worse.  There's pretty much no condition, mental or physical, that a living human being can have that can't be worse.  Every situation for every single person can always be worse.  How does pointing that out help?  Knowing that a ton of other people are suffering in some way or another - and knowing that there's always the possibility of this being worse - does not make me suddenly happy. 

3. Get over it.

Okay so this one isn't always said out of love.  Sometimes this is just mean spirited OR it's just coming from someone who needs a little help in the field of empathy.  If I could just get over this, I would.  In a heart beat.  That's what I pray for.  But that's not realistic.  If depression was something you could just get over, people wouldn't be killing themselves because of it.  If it's an ordinary day and I wasn't depressed but I was just in some sort of funk, I could probably snap out of that.  If I'm angry because someone talked behind my back, you can (after letting me vent for a few minutes) tell me to get over it and you'd be absolutely right.  But depression is an underlying thing.  It's always there, regardless of your temporary mood.    

Also, what is it that you want me to get over?  I don't even know what makes me depressed, and I imagine that's the case for a solid chunk of depressed people.  Sure, I know some of the contributing factors.  But I don't know which one (if there is just one) that is the absolute worst cause of this.  (Also, there are chemicals involved, but again, people can't SEE the problem, so it's not real.)  And again, now I'm mad at myself for not being able to get over whatever it is that I should get over, if there is indeed something to get over. 

4. Stop being lazy.

Arggggggg.  No.  Am I lazy sometimes?  Hell yeah.  Probably more than the next person.  Lord knows how many times I went and bought new underwear to avoid doing laundry in college.  

However, depression isn't the same as being lazy.  This is especially hard for me because I know I can be lazy and I know the vast majority of my family members are lazy, so I tend to get paranoid and think that I'm not even depressed, I'm just lazy.  I have to remind myself, or one of my friends remind me, of the things that make it pretty clear that I'm not actually just a lazy person.  

If you tell someone who is depressed that they're probably just being lazy, you're probably doing more harm than good because in that moment, the person is just going to become mad at you and then start doubting themselves because what if that person is right?  What if I am just lazy?  And if a person starts thinking like that, not only do they get pissed at themselves and feel more pathetic than before, but now their sickness is disqualified, which can mean a lack of treatment.  Not good. 

5. Just do it. 

Okay, Nike.  This is generally said by that person who sincerely wants to help.  They may have read that exercise is really good for depressed people or that being outside is good for depressed people or that meeting someone new is good for depressed people - they're not wrong.  Those things are true.  

The problem is that we cannot "just do" anything.  There is no way to explain this and it is (understandably) the hardest part for any non-depressed person to swallow.  It has to be super frustrating to try to help your depressed friend and only ever get "no" as an answer.  The only thing you can do, really, in this situation is to try your hardest to understand that your friend is essentially paralyzed.  When it's that bad, there's very little that can get a person out.  Obligations, money, job opportunities, chance to meet a famous person, church - none of it matters.  For me, this isn't an all the time thing.  This is when I'm at my worst, but occasionally a little (teeny tiny) spurt of energy hits and I can do something.  There's no telling when, though, and there's no guarantee that it'll last.  And it's completely beyond control.  So telling someone to "just do it" often adds to frustration.  I already know I'm not doing anything.  I'm already bothered by the fact that I'm not doing anything.  I don't need a reminder that it's clear to everyone else, too. 

6. Are you okay?

So this isn't really wrong to ask, but it's hard to answer.  When I'm asked if I'm okay, I'm likely going to say yes because, hey, at least I'm breathing and walking and stuff.  Depression is broad and complex and honestly if I were to attempt to fully answer that question, we might be talking for hours.  

"Well, I'm not dead so that's good, and I'm glad I'm alive, so that's good so I'm okay as far as that goes.  But I don't really see any chance of anything better so maybe then I'm not okay.  But then again I got dressed today so maybe I am.  But I'm on the verge of a meltdown because I'm two minutes away from not paying any of my bills, so that part's not okay.  But I read a little today, so I'm functioning, so that's okay.  And I'm only in a little bit of physical pain, so that's okay, I guess."  It's hard and exhausting and confusing. 

7. I know how you feel. 

Unless you've been chronically depressed, you don't know how I feel.  That's okay, I don't want you to know and I don't expect you to know.  I kind of just want and expect you to be there when I need you to be.  I'm sure a broken heart after a bad break up really, really, really sucks.  I mean, a broken heart for any reason really sucks.  But please don't try to comfort me by telling me that you know how I feel because you broke up with your boy/girlfriend.  If you've been depressed, you probably know, at least to an extent, how I'm feeling.  But if you haven't you don't.  Again, that's fine.  Good, even.  But often, when someone says they know how I feel because they've had some sort of struggle, I feel some type of negative emotion.  Don't try to equate your feelings to mine.  We're all different and this is mental and emotional stuff so no two people feel the same way, especially when one of those people is depressed.  

(This doesn't mean don't tell us about your struggles.  I mean choose wisely, obviously, the time to tell us, but you don't have to keep your problems from us.  We still have the responsibilities that come with friendship.  Just don't say we're the same.) 

But then what should you say?

1. Instead of saying, "toughen up," try acknowledging how much strength the person has already displayed just by making it through the day.  If you're doing this to me, I'm going to roll my eyes and talk down to myself and respond to you with, "it doesn't take strength to get up and get dressed in the morning.  Everyone should do that."  But when I'm being rational I know better, I know that it's difficult to do anything.  And I feel better after someone tells me I'm strong than I do when someone tells me I need to toughen up. 

2. Instead of saying, "you're not dying/at least it's not cancer," acknowledge that depression is real.  Furthermore, acknowledge that a lot of depressed people struggle with the idea of being alive because it's so difficult.  They do feel like they're dying, very slowly.  

3. Instead of suggesting that the person "get over it," see if they're in the mood to really talk about what it is that's causing pain in the first place.  They might not know.  They might never know.  But I've had friends who have sat and tried to analyze things that are making me feel crappy (that sounds annoying, but the analyzing was done in a non-annoying way, swear it).  And that is better than telling me to get over it.  Trying to figure out some of the reasons for the way I feel is better than thinking "I should just get over it" because that's never going to happen.  Also, it validates the way a depressed person is feeling when their friends can hear what some of the struggles are. 

4. Instead of saying, "stop being lazy," understand that depression is paralyzing.  Tell your friend that even though you haven't been through it, you understand that being depressed is taking away their motivation and will power and desire to do anything.  Don't put your life on hold, of course, but take a day to just sit with your friend and do nothing.  And offer to listen to them, if they're willing to talk. 

5. Instead of saying, "just do it," make a specific suggestion.  You read that getting into an old hobby if good for a depressed person?  Don't tell that person to "just go do something."  Tell them that you think you know something that can cheer them up (not something that can "heal" them - save that for meds and professionals).  Make a plan to come over with some paint and canvasses.  Tell them exactly what to look forward to.  And, barring a true emergency, never ever never ever never ever ever ever cancel those plans.  Chances are, if that person agreed to the plan, s/he has mustered every single ounce of energy on making sure everything is ready.  Getting clothes on, making the bed, vacuuming the living room.  If you cancel, not only was that energy wasted, but the person is probably going to internalize that as "I'm not really that important to my friend" or something along those lines.  Not ideal for someone who is depressed. 

6. Instead of asking if someone is okay, be specific.  Ask how the doctor went.  Ask what's going through their mind at that moment.  Ask if they watched that documentary last night.  If you actually do want the whole conversation about whether or not that person is okay, great, but make time for that.  And be really willing to listen.  

7. Unless you've been depressed, instead of saying "I know how you feel," consider saying (and meaning) "I don't know how you feel, but I can hang out with you if you want.  Offer to help in whatever way the person needs you to.  And really, you need to accept the fact that you definitely don't understand what depression is like.  But, you can empathize and more importantly, you can believe what the person tells you about how they're feeling.  That's hard to do when someone is telling you they "can't get out of bed."  But you need to try.  

I've been on both ends of the "friendship with someone who is depressed" thing, and it sucks.  Being a good friend to a depressed person is fucking work.  But you should also know that depressed people stop talking to a lot of friends, and if they're still making an effort to talk to you, you're very important to them.  And they'll be there in an instant if you ever need it.  And they'll probably be good in the empathy department.  

__
Charlotte

Depression - "Is it really that bad?"

*I'm assuming depression varies from person to person, so don't take what I write to be the conclusive definition of depression.

I got a message from one of my friends the other day.  She had read the post about losing weight and wanted to know if depression was "really that bad."  (In that post I mentioned that there were times that getting up and dressed for the day was miraculous.)  She didn't mean it in a bad way, she just wanted to understand more about depression.  So here goes.  

(I know some of my close friends read this.  Just so you know, some of the descriptions in this post are really, really bad.  I wanted to convey what depression is like at its worst.  I am not at this point right now, so don't freak out and show up at my house or something.  Well, you're welcome to come over, but not for that reason.  Unless you come bringing pie, in which case my door is always open, whatever your reason for coming may be.)

1. It's paralyzing. 

For me, this is the absolute worst part of being depressed.  As in, I could be laying in bed thinking, "okay, gonna get up now."  And an hour would pass without me actually getting up.  And then two hours.  

On a better day, I could write a to-do list (just writing the list is productive).  But, I wouldn't get any of it done, regardless of how important some of the tasks were.  If you're depressed, it doesn't matter how important something is or how good it could be for you - it doesn't get done.  

Basic functions are a daily challenge.  (Most of the time, a challenge that isn't beat.)

2. No motivation. 

So the paralyzing problem was mostly referring to things that I wanted to do or knew I needed to do or felt inclined to do.  But another problem with being depressed is that sometimes there is no motivation at all.  During school, there were a few times an internship would pop up that I thought would be cool.  Hard to describe/differentiate from the paralyzing thing, but basically I'd like the idea of being a person with that cool internship, but I didn't actually want it and wasn't motivated to apply for it. And the lack of motivation meant lack of goals and lack of doing anything, so it became a vicious cycle; if you don't have goals and you don't have any accomplishments to speak of, you become even less inclined to do anything.  And in turn you have an even worse opinion of yourself. 

3. It physically sucks. 

For starters, it seems to lead to (or at least worsen) chronic health conditions.  And joint pains.  And headaches.  Ugh.  

But depression also means staying in shape is unlikely.  Because of the things mentioned above, exercise stops.  I went from active and in relatively good shape to sedentary and incredibly out of shape in about two months.  That's all it took.  

Physical activity is supposed to be good for people who are depressed.  But since doing anything is hard for people who are depressed, physical activity doesn't usually happen.  And so the cycle goes. 

4. A constant need for instant gratification. 

Constantly being in a bad mood means anything that promises "happiness" sounds like a good idea.  

"I'm going to buy a bunch of new clothes.  If I dress nice I'll be happy." Down $100.

"Having a jam-packed bookshelf will make me happy."  Down $50. 

"Learning a new instrument will make me happy.  Keyboard it is!"  Down $150. 

Etc.  

And on top of the money issues, it meant spending time doing stupid things instead of doing things that produce actual happiness.  ...like skipping school for three days to read The Hunger Games trilogy.  Did I enjoy myself?  Yes.  Did I end up barely graduating with a 2.4 gpa?  Yes.

5. Food. 

So for me the food problem always happened in one of three ways: 

Not eating because of the paralyzing thing, which means being hungry to the point of dizziness and pain.  

Not eating because of a lack of appetite.  This wasn't accompanied by pain because I didn't actually feel hungry, but not eating for a day or even days at a time isn't healthy. 

Eating everything.  All the time.  Especially fast food because it involved no work (See #1 and #2).

6. Everything is bad. 

When I'm at my worst, I interpret everything as bad.  My lack of doing anything, even though I'm well aware of the fact that I'm depressed, turns into "I'm lazy."  If the littlest thing goes wrong, that means that nothing else is even worth doing.  If someone doesn't talk to me or respond to me it means they hate me.  Get it?  Also, it becomes easy to doubt everyone and everything.    

There are a lot of other things I can say about depression, but those are the big things I can think of.  And it really sucks.  People assume that depression is something you can just "get over." It's not.  And it's exhausting.  And if you know someone who is depressed, you should try to be understanding. 

I was planning on including a little "things not to say to depressed people," but I think I'll do that tomorrow instead.  11pm is late.  

__
Charlotte