Blog Crossover: The Man Chronicles/A Book About Flirting: Intro

Welcome to The Man Chronicles, a series at THL.  Or more accurately, an "occasional series" because my dating life is very Miranda Hobbes circa her panic attack aka sources for post subjects are scarce.  I really get my flirt on with the Chinese food guy, though.   

Series motto (for now!), methinks: "Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?" 

Okay SO. As I'm sure you know by now, Liz and I started a blog devoted to book reviews and bookish posts. It's called Filthy Casket Book Reviews. I posted about an ongoing review of How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace: The Smart Guide to Flirting over there today, but I wanted to post it here, too, because I think it'll fit in really well with The Man Chronicles. 

Every week when I review it, I'll post it on both sites, and it'll be a fun crossover. Yay! Man Chronicles AND books!  

  

Read it here or view it on Filthy Casket. I suppose this review can be a THL-FC hybrid. :) 

We're gonna have some fun with an ongoing review of this book that is supposed to help you flirt better. 

I'd never, ever buy this kind of book without prompting. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I'd be too fake-confident to purchase it myself. But the world is funny and one day several of us were at the house of someone who was getting rid of old books. She'd hold up a book and one of us would claim it (me, an aunt, and several cousins). Well, she held up How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace: The Smart Guide to Flirting and all of the voices sans mine shouted, "Charlotte!"

Side eye.

At first I got a wee bit defensive. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I don't know how to flirt! I know how to flirt! I just don't engage in flirtation while I'm with a bunch of people, especially if it's family! I was mighty close to rejecting the book and insisting the fifteen year old would make better use of it when... 

I remembered that time in college when I was walking into the campus center and a handsome fella happened to be walking through the doors at the same time. I unintentionally but definitely audibly said, "You are scrumptious!" Commence a lot of internal "no no no no no no no." Not one of my finest moments, which is saying something, my friends. 

So with that memory suddenly fresh in my mind I shut my mouth and threw the book on top of my pile.

I picked it up once or twice but never really read it. I have no interest in starting a relationship here, since I'm going back to New York. There's one guy here who is very charming and if I have to endure even one more "Yes, ma'am" or "You look real pretty today" in his southern accent I might actually die because I know I can't pack him in my suitcase and take him up north with me. Le sigh. Knowing all that, I still think it'll be fun to read the book and try out some of the advice (not on the aforementioned farmer because again, it might cause my literal death). I normally hold back on flirting unless I already start to like a guy, but now that we're reviewing the book I've got to think about the greater good! I've got to flirt!* Think of all the people who might benefit! 

There are seven chapters and I think I'll probably do one post each week, so this will last for about two months. I'm not trying this to get a boyfriend. I just think it'll be fun and, always more importantly, funny. Maybe it'll even change some of my communication habits right in time for my return to NY. Who knows. From what I've seen so far, this book sounds super corny. I suppose that's to be expected. 

A quick glance at the table of contents tells me I'll be rediscovering the flirt in me. And by that I just have to assume she means *discovering for the first time. 

See you in a week. 

__

Charlotte

Chapter 1's post here
Chapter 2's post here

Rethinking Saints' Names

I hesitated to write this because most of my readers (hey Liz) aren’t parents and aren’t soon-to-be parents and aren’t Catholic so… ya’ll might think I’m crazy to enjoy talking about names so much. But I got over it. I like talking about names.

Kate over at Sancta Nomina often writes about patron saints and different ways to honor saints through baby names. Yesterday she wrote a great post about Caroline and Charlotte being potential ways to honor John Paul II (his given name was Karol) and I thought it was funny because I recently started reading Lives of the Saints. I’m not far into it at all, but just looking at the index made me stop and think. Some of the names are long and unfamiliar today, and you might need to get creative to honor them. I commented saying so, and Kate asked what some of my ideas were. I hadn’t thought about it too much (just a few names) but I thought it’d be fun to think about it some more. Yay for blogs.

Most of these are stretches, for sure. Coming up with names by scrambling letters or leaning heavily on certain sounds, etc. These aren’t actual forms of the names or anything like that – but I think if you name a kid with the intention of using a saint, that’s enough. (Funnily enough, Kate wrote about a possible connection between Theresa and Patricia, and I said I thought the names were too different to use as honor names to me. But this feels different – trying to come up with a way to honor a Saint named Porphyry doesn’t feel the same as naming a baby after your great aunt Therese. Of course, it’s different for everyone.)

Here are some ideas:

Saint Flavian

I actually think Flavian is semi-wearable today. People seem to be getting bolder with names, and Flavia wouldn’t be crazy. Flavian and Flavia would also work well as middle names. It’s not my style, though, and it reminds me of The Hunger Games (Flavius was one of the makeup team members, if I remember correctly). I think it’s really cool to name a baby after literary characters, but Flavius wasn’t my favorite and I associate the name with the Capitol. Okay now that I’ve geeked out a substantial amount…

Fiona – Fiona’s letters are almost all found in Flavian, and there are similar sounds in there.

Flora – More of a stretch than Fiona, for sure. That said, Flora adds another layer to the name. It means flower, and there are so many holy connections – Mary is often symbolized by flowers: roses, lilies, etc. With sounds lent from Flavian and meaning for Mary, Flora could be a really meaningful name with two patrons.

Vienna – The stretchiest of all Flavian stretches. Place names seem to be popular now, and the first syllable of “Vienna” sounds an awful lot like the last syllable of “Flavian,” unless I’m pronouncing it wrong (very, very possible).

Finn – I know Finn is sometimes used for girls now, but I much prefer it for boys. To me it sounds like a natural nickname for Flavian, and since a lot of people choose to forego formal names and put shortened names on birth certificates instead, I think Finn is a great way to honor St. Flavian. It’d totally work if you used a formal like Finnian or Finnegan, too.

Other ideas: Names that can be nicknamed Effie, Fifi, Alfie

Saint Apollinaris

Apollo – The obvious choice for parents of boys who want to honor this saint. Apollo is a hip and cool name, super wearable today, though it’s too out there for my own taste.

Polly – Another clear choice to honor Apollinaris. Also possible for another double: Molly Maris. According to this, Polly is also a form of Mary and Molly is super similar in sound, and Maris is often associated with Our Lady. Polly Maris is nice too - either way, you can honor both Saint Apollinaris and the Virgin Mary. (Also, I'm digging the "aris" found in both.) 

Oliver/Olive nn Ollie – Similar to Finn for Flavian, Ollie seems like a natural nickname for Apollinaris.

Paul/Paula/Pauline have some similar sounds and so might work.   

Short names that are spelled with letters mostly found in Apollinaris: Lara, Sara, Silas/Linus, Nora, Arlo, Risa, Orin

Saint Aelred

I liked this one too much, probably. It reminded me of this super fun post I wrote of non-obvious ways to name your baby after a character. In that, I found this when looking at Alfred: Derived from the Old English Ælfred, a compounding of the elements ælf (elf) and ræd (counsel). 

Aelred and Alfred aren't exactly the same, of course, but they're similar, and according to Behind the Name, Aelred is a variant of ÆÐELRÆD, which, like Alfred, includes  ræd. (Again, meaning "counsel.") So that's fun (and... does this mean all of the suggestions for "Albus" in that post could work for Aelred??? :D ) So: 

Alfred - A bit different, but very similar meaning, and a few letters in common.

Albert - Doesn't have quite the same meaning, but again, stretching is okay here, and a lot of the letters and sounds are shared. 

Aldo - With Arlo gaining steam (I love it), Aldo might be next. 

Darla - With Harvey and Alfie and Calvin being used again, it's not out of the realm of possibilities that Darla comes back, and it has a lot of the same letters as Aelred, making it a good possible honor name. 

Rae - A huge stretch, but if paired with another meaningful name to make it especially clear that baby is being named for the saint? Dorothea Rae is a possibility - Dorothea means "gift of God" and paired with Rae as a short (short!) nn from Saint Aelred, that's a really holy name. Ella is similar in that it shares some sounds/letters but might need to be paired with another name to really solidify the meaning.

I haven't given too much thought to the rest, but at first glance, these are names I can see being used to honor saints with really unfamiliar names: 

Saint Romuald

Romy - Romy would be my favorite way to name a girl after Saint Romuald. 

Rudy - Likewise, Rudy would be my favorite way to name a boy after Saint Romuald.

There's also Ronald, Rue, Aldo, Arlo, and Maud/e. 

Saint Porphyry

Rory - To me, Rory seems like the most obvious choice (I prefer Rory for a girl, though I know it's used for boys as well). 

Fiero - Though I'd never use it, I've seen this name floated around by others. 

Poppy - I've heard that this name is coming back, and it seems like a sensible way to name a baby girl with Saint Porphyry in mind. 

Names that can be shortened as nicknames to Pip or Rye.

Saint Soter 

Rose - Rose is made entirely of letters found in "Soter" and so I think, combined with intention to name a baby after the saint, works as an honor name. 

Otis - Many of the same letters, plus similar sound. Since Soter was a Pope, maybe combining Otis with Peter would add extra clarity to the significance of the name. Otis Peter/Peter Otis. 

Names that can be shortened to Ret. 

Saint Etheldreda

Of course, there's Ethel. But other names that might work if Ethel isn't your style: 

Esmeralda - It's got similar sounds, a lot of letters in common, and it looks very similar. 

Adele/Edele/Edel - All letters found in the original name. (If I was naming a girl after Saint Etheldreda I'd likely go with Adele.)

Della - I've come to really like the name Della. I found it when my friend was expecting and wanted a name that was rare, but wouldn't be completely unfamiliar. With all the Ellas and Stellas, Della is familiar but not heard often. It's got similar look and feel and letters as Etheldreda. Also, "del/l" means "the," "of," or "of the" in a few languages, which lends itself to a lot of great possibilities. But dell also means valley, which seems like a possible way to honor Mary and Jesus, especially if paired with other specific names. (I've heard of "lily of the valley" as a symbol of Mary, as a symbol of Jesus, and as a symbol of the coming of spring, symbolizing the coming of Jesus.) Della paired with a Christ-name, Mary/Marie/Maria/Maris, Rose, or a Lily-name (that'd be hard though) would be loaded with a ton of significance. Della Maria would be my favorite, but there's also Della Rose, Della Cristina, or, if you don't mind the repeating sounds, Della Liliana. (Or any other combo you might think of.) Della has potential to honor Saint Etheldreda, Mary, and Jesus all at once.    

Others: Andrea, Rae, Ella, Lea, Drella, Dare (I've seen it used as a middle), etc.

I think another great way to really make it clear that a baby is being named for a saint is to pair it with meaningful middles - names that mean "gift" or "gift of God" or "like God" or even "happy," since happiness stems from God. Gabriel means "God is my strength." So something like Alfred Gabriel (for Saint Aelred) or Abigail Fiona (for Saint Flavian, and Abigail means "my father is joyful) would honor the saint clearly - I mean, the saints do point us to God.

That's all I've got (for now ;). If you know more about names and languages (and root words and meanings and all that) I imagine there are even more possibilities to honor these saints. Such fun.     

Any ideas? 

__

Charlotte 

The Right to Life and Family

This isn't a post on abortion, though I fall on the unpopular side of that debate. It's a post about how people want to have children, but can't. Or how people want to have children, but are too afraid. It's about how we, as a country, prioritize everything material and disposable over everything sacred and eternal. It's about a few of the ways we're tragically misguided. Specifically, it's about how gun violence, police brutality, and poverty are robbing people of their inherent right to life and family.
  

I've mentioned before that the idea of having kids in this country scares me because of the gun violence. I won't let the fear stop me from having kids, but it's infuriating. Parents have enough to worry about without mass shootings. I don't know if stripping everyone of their guns is the answer, but I do know that it's unacceptable to leave things as they are. People are more important than arsenals. It sickens me that there are people who refuse to just have a conversation about gun laws meanwhile lives are being taken every single day. It always hurts more when the victims are kids, but a 40 year old who is killed in a shooting is just as precious. He's someone's kid.

I guess I just have to wonder: to the people who refuse to talk about stricter gun laws, many of whom are parents - are you willing to let your kid be sacrificed? Because that's what it takes. Maybe it's not your kid today, but 10,000 kids are shot each year in the US, and many of them - about 8 a day - are killed. And that's just children. That doesn't count the 27 year old adult who is still someone's baby.

When I have kids I'm going to read stories to them, true and fictional. They'll read about Harry Potter and how he was Christlike by sacrificing his life for his friends. They'll read about Frodo and Sam accepting their seemingly inevitable death in a quest to end evil. They'll know the true stories of saints and martyrs across time who died for others, or who were killed for their beliefs. As a parent, I'll have to reconcile teaching my kids these virtues and hoping that a situation that puts them in such danger never arises.

I will not, however, willingly sacrifice my kids to the gun lobby, nor will I sacrifice other people's kids by refusing to talk about gun laws.

I believe we can all agree that we have a right to life. We also have a right to family - to create or foster life. Those are natural rights afforded to every single person. Natural! There is nothing "natural" about the right to tote a man-made weapon created solely for the purpose of inflicting harm on others. 

With every shooting, with every bogus NRA lobbying session, we're chipping away at someone's right to have a family. The world will never be completely safe, nor should it be. But there's a difference between natural danger and risk and a deathtrap. (Even I, while writing this, felt like "deathtrap" was an exaggeration, but there are bulletproof blankets and mats specifically made for schoolchildren to wear, so it's really not.)

The vast majority of my friends are still unmarried or without children. (Though some have started families.) Whenever the topic of kids comes up, someone at some point mentions the fear of it all. It's too much. Parenthood will always be scary, it will always be hard. But it shouldn't be scary for these reasons. No one should have reason to say, "I'd like to have kids but how can I? People are being killed every day and nowhere is safe. How can I have kids in a world like that?"

Bottom line: Even if we're just talking about child deaths, thousands are killed. Kids are killed in their homes because of lax storage laws. They're being shot at school. Just typing that sentence - children are being shot to death in their schools - feels wrong, and yet, we're doing nothing about it. In this country, toddlers are killed by guns more often than police officers are.

Maybe you're getting mad at me for politicizing the deaths of so many innocent people. But I'm angry at everyone who refuses to politicize it. It's a national problem and we need national solutions. It's not that I give a damn about politics, it's that I have seven little brothers and sisters; it's that one day I want to get married and have a bunch of kids and take them to football games without them getting shot.

It is about life and about families. 

Which brings us to the issue of police brutality. Because while gun violence is a threat against everyone with a pulse, black parents in this country are bearing a burden like no other. They have to worry about the same things white parents worry about and then they have to worry about things no person should have to worry about: will my child be hurt by police?

Yesterday a video went viral. It shows an officer violently throwing a black girl to the ground, hitting her, dragging her across the room. Her offense? She was being "verbally disruptive." Short of saying, "I have a weapon and am about to kill you," there was no justification for that kind of violence.

(I think I've done a good job being civil so far but I'm going to put that aside for a second. Why the fuck do we think it's okay to arrest a schoolchild for being verbally disruptive? How is that normal? Even if the cop never became brutal, there's no reason the girl should have been arrested. You misbehave in school, you go to the principal's office, not the penitentiary. But we'll talk about the school to prison pipeline, the profits of prisons, and all that jazz in another post.)

Now, I know that cops will abuse anyone, not just black people. Cops tased and strangled my handcuffed, barefoot brother (why was he getting arrested? for back-talking to a cop.). But I don't worry about them killing my brothers. Are white people ever killed by cops? Yes. But not the way black people are. (I've written about this before.) A police officer's job is dangerous, yes. Many of them are honorable, yes. But when so many of them are killing so many people (and a specific race of people, at that), we need to ask ourselves what's wrong with the institution as a whole. It's clear there's a problem, and if you deny it, you're either ignorant, defensive of your privilege, or complicit.

If you refuse to talk about police brutality in a completely honest way that acknowledges the systemic racism, you're ignoring the rights of others. Because again:

We all have a right to life. We also have a right to family - to create or foster life. Those are natural rights afforded to every single person. Natural! There is nothing "natural" about a state-created and state-sanctioned force of highly armed officers being allowed to kill whomever they feel doesn't deserve to live.

Black mothers are cradling their dead sons. Black parents are trying to teach their kids to be strong and independent, but to navigate a world that is against them. And don't try telling me this world - at least, this country - is not against them. If you saw a man throwing a teenage girl around at the mall, you'd intervene. If you saw a father slam his daughter to the ground and beat her, you'd intervene. If a teacher beat up his student for being disruptive, you'd be furious. (And I'm willing to bet that had this been a white girl, no one would be making excuses for the cop.) But we've given cops a free pass to torment black people. I say "we" because laws are largely written by and for white people. There are laws against teachers hitting their students, but we put cops in black schools and let them hit students.

I have black friends and black cousins who don't want kids for one reason only: they don't want to have kids just so they end up being killed by police or vigilantes. 

If you can't see how that's anti-life or anti-family, then you're not looking hard enough.

It's totally about politics and it's totally about racism and it's completely, totally about life and about families.

Which brings us to poverty. I'll keep this short, I just wanted to mention a few things: we've got an ungodly amount of children living in poverty. They're hungry, and we're not feeding them. Parents can't afford to send their kids to college, where even the public universities are increasing their tuition every year. And students who do go to school are met with such high debt that they can't gain independence after graduation. Social mobility is a myth. While the idea of a voluntary military sounds great, it's often poor kids joining because it's their only chance of getting a paycheck, health benefits, and even an education, if they don't die in one of our many wars.

And we try to solve these problems by cutting taxes on the rich.

And we demonize anyone who questions capitalism.

Really, we all have a moral obligation to question our economic policies. Maybe communism and socialism have failed elsewhere (though we could argue that it was because they were fascist, but hey, another post). Maybe capitalism is the "foundation of our economy" in America. But that's not reason enough to NOT resist it. Slavery was once the foundation of our economy in America, and if you support that, there's a 97% chance you're swine. I don't have all of the answers, but I know that there are people not getting married because they can't afford it. I know there are people working 80 hours a week so that they can survive. I know there are people putting off having a family (or never having kids at all!) because they can't afford it.

Is that an acceptable price to pay for capitalism? And for no reason other than capitalism is all we know? I don't think so. The kind of sick distribution of wealth we have is only achieved through the oppression of others. The only way one man can make billions of dollars a year is by the suffering of others - sweatshops, long hours for little pay, a minimum wage far below the living wage, and other unfair labor practices. I think it's alright to be rich. I just think there's a limit to how much money you can make while remaining moral.

And so one last time:

We all have a right to life. We also have a right to family - to create or foster life. Those are natural rights afforded to every single person. Natural! There is nothing "natural" about an economic system that doesn't pay people fairly for work. 

We need to rethink a system that leaves people tired and sick. It sounds corny, but really, in this kind of economic environment (and oh my God don't get me started on the gross degeneration we allow our environment to suffer in the name of profits), it's not easy to find love, nonetheless to nurture relationships. A system that leaves people unable or afraid of having kids isn't a good system. And this isn't just about politics or economics, it's about life and about families.

I guess my point is that I'm sick and tired of people putting kids on the line. You're a gun owner and love your automatic weapons, so it's okay that someone's kid might be shot. That's the price you're willing to pay just so that you don't need to have a conversation about gun laws. You're a white person and your kids go to private school, so you're okay with armed police officers being stationed in poor public schools even if it means someone else's kid might be brutalized. You're middle class, so you're okay with anti-poor policies even if it means some other man's kid goes to bed hungry or can't go to college or joins the army out of desperation.

I've known for a while now that power lies in the hands of a few. But this is never clearer to me than when I'm with my other friends, many of whom are women, talking about starting families. Our kids - the ones we're often scared to even dream of, are the ones that get sacrificed to America's unholy gods: guns, false traditions, and money. Not every rich person is bad, not every gun owner is dangerous, not every cop is corrupt. But the ones that refuse to change? The ones that refuse to even entertain the notion of progress or of debate - they are treading on the rights of others.  

link love

The colder temperatures get on my nerves, but I'll never tire of autumn's colors. I miss New York, but it's plenty pretty here. I'm thinking I need to grab my camera and drive up to the Blue Ridge before the leaves all fall! 

Speaking of colder weather... I had to throw my jacket out after last winter because it tore. I have a nice light coat that is totally doing the job for now, but once later November comes around I'll probably need something a little heavier. I went to approximately 43985327 stores this week to try winter coats on and it was horrible. There was one store that had beautiful and warm jackets, but none in my size. Then I hit up a few department stores and tried on an ungodly amount of coats that cost an ungodly amount of money and even if I was comfortable/capable of dropping $150 on a coat right now, I didn't like the way any of them looked. And then of course, we go to Walmart for something else and I try on this jacket in red and loved it. Loved! It's probably not the warmest jacket, but I'm also in the south so I think it'd work. It felt heavy enough when I tried it. I was with my aunt when I tried it and she insisted I don't buy it because it's not good enough quality, but... Do I really want to spend money I don't have on an expensive jacket that (hopefully) won't fit me for more than a few months because I'm consistently losing weight? I really liked how I looked in it (it gave me a killer waste - which showed that my hips are wide but I'm totally fine with that) and I think it's better to not spend a lot on something I'll only be able to wear for one season. Plus I didn't find any jackets I liked at the better stores! Ah! What do I doooo? (I might go to Target - a step up from Walmart but not as pricey as others - and try this one on before making a decision.)

Side note: I've lost about 40 pounds so far this year but it's a frustrating thing. I don't think I look much different, and I've only gone down 1-2 sizes. I do not understand it. But! This was the first time in maybe years that I've put on a jacket with a cinched waist (the one from Walmart) and it felt great. I had (have!) a waist! I was beyond surprised. It was kinda like this:   

I know it's blurry. But you get the point.

Okay, moving on! 

I'm cracking up at this video. A pig named Chris P. Bacon! A news anchor who can't stop laughing! A person commenting that he'd name the wheel-chair bound pig "Sqwheels!" Too good!

I like quite a few TLC shows (yeah yeah, I know), but I had to laugh at this Onion article poking fun at the network. I could go for a little less crazy reality shows and a reprising of Trading Spaces.

I typically roll my eyes when people ask where all the good men have gone but then I read this and I can't help but think, "Why are all the good men taken???"

Have you seen this video of people reacting to a rainbow that forms a full circle? How cool! Loved it!!!   

Some of these would make lousy costumes for trick or treating, but some are great. For future daughters?!

Liz sent me this article about the "rainbow bagel" that people are flipping out about. It looks like a rainbow and tastes like sugary cereal. I'd try it, though I don't imagine I'd like it too much (and definitely not enough to get it every week). 

Would you be able to kill baby Hitler? Kind of a weird/uncomfortable but interesting prompt. 

This article about the morality of self-driving cars was fascinating. I personally don't like the idea of self-driving cars. A computer can never get the same kind of natural feel and thought process that only comes from experience. The article was thought-provoking nonetheless. Would you buy a car if you knew it'd sacrifice you before killing pedestrians?  

A couple recently welcomed identical triplets and their names are Thomas III, Finnegan, and Oliver - nicknamed Tripp, Finn, and Ollie. Swoon-worthy!

Check out these luxury homes that are half under water. I would never, ever, ever want that. No matter how much you love aquariums, there's a good chance you've occasionally thought, "What if this glass cracked?" while walking through those tubes. You know the ones I'm talking about! Now imagine having to entertain that thought while laying down to go to bed. No no no. Would you live in one? 

These descriptions of art at the Met that could double as Tindr bios are absolutely hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing the whole way through. “Densely packed into an earthenware vase” CAN'T. 

This woman let her mom dress her for a week (sort of.. she didn't really commit) and wrote about it. It was a light, fun read. 

Of course, I support women's right to birth control. But maybe we should think twice before assuming it's good for women? (And certainly before thinking it's good for all women.)

I can't quite test out these excellent but "boozy" slow-cooker drinks this year (living with grandparents AND experiencing liver problems), but next year, maybe. 

Need a little chuckle? I'm still giggling at this vine Liz sent me a few days ago. Enjoy! (She also sent me this! Ha!) 

I'm a sucker for good marketing and this Barbie commercial slayed me. So sweet! 

I'm not a fan of charter schools and I don't really need more reasons to dislike them, but hey, here's one anyway. 

Some of these Harry Potter eye color discrepancies are irrelevant but I will never NOT be a tiny bit mad that they didn't even bother to make Lily's eyes the same color as Harry's. Ugh! Dammit, movie-makers. 

How cool are some of these adapted living spaces? 

Though I want a big family, I get that some people don't. If you tell me you want an only child, that's fine. You don't need a reason. But... this guy's reasoning hit a nerve. Not wanting another child because there's no way it could be as perfect as your first??? Come on.

This post is getting longer than I intended. Just a few more! 

I think spending 31 million dollars on a wedding is shameful, regardless of whether or not you can afford it. I also think a lot of this is tacky. But I do loooove her dress and his tux.

Love these suggestions for strong, classy, feminine baby girl names!

Oh gosh, I guess when I said "just a few more" I was lying! I'm gonna just make quick links for the last bunch: 

Where are the girls?

Challenge capitalism. 

The Martian - each life matters.

Talent!

Let's make life harder for teachers...smh 

People are setting black churches on fire.

It's okay to want to be married.

A church for the broken.

And last/probably least.... people are dying their hair red and calling it "pumpkin spice." 

#bornwithit 

Alright! Longest link post ever, I think? 

Til next week.

__

Charlotte 

   

Book Review | The Underland Chronicles (Book 3)

Since Liz and I started a blog devoted to book reviews after I started reviewing this series, I'm going to post this over there, too. Check the page out! 

This is a review of the third book of the series. You can read the review for the first book here and the second one here. 

In the third book, Gregor is called to the Underland once again, this time to help find a cure for a plague that is spreading and killing the world's mammals. Our familiar main characters set out on this journey - the cure is said to exist, but only in the cradle where it was created - and we're introduced to new characters as well. There's death and destruction. But this book might be my favorite in the series, because it does a great job asking moral questions and it emerges as a sort of allegory of American military policy. (Granted, I'm not sure if Collins meant to mirror America, but I'd be surprised to learn she didn't.)

Basic review: It's a riveting tale, it's well written, and Collins, as always, plays with excellent themes and moral questions. I'd recommend it to a friend. I have recommended it to a friend. That friend is Liz and she still hasn't read Harry Potter but I'm convinced there is still hope for her.  

*Major spoilers ahead.*

Alright, so. Bats, humans, and rats are catching the plague. Beyond the obvious problem - sick people - it threatens to literally eradicate all mammals in the Underland. Of course, there's a prophecy that warns of the plague but suggests there is a chance of hope. Gregor, the prophesied warrior, must travel with several companions to the place where the plague was made.

I haven't gone into much detail about the characters, but let me attempt to give a rough idea real quick of the characters that are important in this review:

Gregor (often referred to as "Overlander"): a boy from NYC, falls into the Underland after his baby sister, Boots (they miraculously both survive, and it's determined that he is the warrior mentioned in several prophecies), Christ-figure, struggles with questions of when/if to fight

Luxa: the future queen of Regalia (the main human city in the Underland), her parents were killed by rats, her cousin died after he betrayed her and all of Regalia by secretly working with rats, granddaughter of Vikus and Solovet (who are powerful members of the council), extremely stubborn, highly trained fighter

Ripred: an old-ish and extremely tough rat, never loses fights, scruffy, harsh, sarcastic, has some followers, is attempting to lead the rats to a new way, wants humans and rats to achieve peace

Hamnet: son of Solovet and Vikus, unknown by younger characters until third book, left Regalia because his mother wanted him to fight and to commit violent atrocities against other creatures

Vikus: an old and wise council member of Regalia, very powerful, grandfather to Luxa, husband to Solovet, wants peace among all Underland creatures if possible, believes violence and war should be last resort, doesn't generally adhere to an "end justifies the means" philosophy, caring

Solovet: harsh, believes the end justifies the means, severe, mother to Hamnet, grandmother to Luxa, not very loving, values humans above other Underland creatures

Phew. There are other important characters in the book, but these are the ones that are important to major plot points.

Also essential to know: all of the Underland creatures are intelligent and sentient. In our real world, of course we value humans above rats. In the Underland, rats are 5+ feet tall, they think, they feel, they are capable of love and of all things humans are capable of (except things that require thumbs. Rats don't have thumbs..). This is also true of bats, cockroaches, spiders, mice, etc. They are human-like in their abilities and their capacities to think and feel.

So like I said, Gregor and some of the characters set out to find the cure, which comes in the form of a plant that only grows in one place. They find it and begin collecting it when a bunch of ants come and destroy every last bit of it. But it's okay, because............

The plague was actually created in Regalia.

Solovet The Vicious assigned a scientist to create a "plague" that she planned to use as biological warfare against the other creatures of the Underland. The plan went awry, obviously, but they still tried to keep it a secret. They already had the cure, they just couldn't tell anyone about it, because then everyone would know that humans were responsible for all of the destruction.

Of course, this caused huge problems. Distrust of humans became stronger, and even humans themselves were embarrassed. Naturally, the scientist was punished, but Solovet, if I remember correctly, just had to stay in her nice home. (Such is always the case, even in the real world. The rich and powerful face no consequences.) She was put on trial, but nothing happened.

This was the first really meaty book in the series. They're all short - nothing on LOTR or HP, but this dealt with complicated issues that we see in the real world. Things like:

preemptive tactics
biological warfare
rules of war
ethnocentrism
exceptionalism
and more

This book called to mind some of the things we learned about in history class as kids. It also made me think of some things our own country still does. Insisting an entire race or region is guilty of something or lesser than you? Attacking innocent people so that they can never even think of becoming threats? Familiar themes, sadly.

It's these things that lead me to believe my friends would enjoy the series. Also, it's what makes me think it's a great series for kids. When I have kids, I want them to think about these things. I want them to question what they've been told about military might and exceptionalism. It's one thing to be proud of who you are, it's another to think everyone else is lesser than you and unworthy of life. This book, and this series, talks about those things in an age-appropriate way for kids. And for adults, it's an engrossing but easy-to-read book to fly through. Win-win.

Stay tuned for the next review in this series!
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Charlotte

Health Update

Isn't this so pretty? Unless you fall?

Ugh, I know I have been totally lagging on the blog. I'm working on it. I'm just busy and not feeling too hot. I figured I'd stop in for a quick health update, though. (Here's the backstory.)

I had an appointment last week and got a call right after to tell me I needed to come in for a liver function test. Just blood work, so that's cool. I got the results back today. They came back elevated, but not dangerously so. That was a huge relief. I did not want to be back in the hospital.

Speaking of which, my asshole insurance company sent me a letter telling me they aren't covering the hospital stay. They deemed it "unnecessary" based on their standards; it boiled down to "well, you didn't die." I'm going to appeal because it's absolutely ridiculous and, you know, the whole not dying thing was partially a result of being in the hospital. But hey. I believe the doctor will also send the insurance company something, which is good. I can't wait to be back in New York. My insurance company there was much, much better. Here's hoping I'll be able to get it again. 

They've also scheduled a procedure (I can't remember the name of it, but it's the one where they put a tube down your throat and they'll try to get some pictures of my bile duct, and remove anything if necessary. Hopefully nothing will indicate a need for surgery) for early November. I laughed because I wasn't nervous at all until Liz was like, "That's so soon! Are you nervous?" NOW I AM. Haha, but no, mostly I was fine. 

Until. 

Until they told me they were going to do conscious sedation. I understand it's normal procedure in many places. But they initially told me I'd be under general anesthesia, and while that's riskier, it's less nerve racking. (Yeah, I know that's a sort of paradox.) When I'm in the hospital, I'm fairly laid back. I understate pain and I don't complain about getting blood drawn or about any needles. The one thing that bothers me is air bubbles in the IV. I'm fully aware that they'd have to put an entire bag of air into my body for it to be harmful (because I've asked, well, every time), but it freaks me out anyway, and it makes me very nervous. It's the one thing I'm annoying or panicky about. So I can't imagine being half awake with a tube down my throat as they're looking for something wrong. I can't imagine hearing a beep from one of the monitors and not freaking out. I'd get over it and I'll do it if I have to, but it's causing some anxiety. 

Another potential problem (and I'm going to call them tomorrow to ask about it) is that I am awful when waking up from anesthesia after surgery. I don't want to get into it, but they've concluded that I have PTSD, and waking up is a bitch. I scream and flail and it's not fun. I have no recollection of it, but I know I can't control it and I know it happens when they wake me up - when I'm half awake and half asleep. Conscious sedation keeps you in a similar state. So I don't know if that'll be possible. I guess I'll know more tomorrow.

As for how I am on a daily basis - I'm alright. I'm really tired. Like, very tired. I don't know if that's a physical thing, if it's some sort of effect of the stuff that's going on, or if I'm just mentally exhausted. I just know I'm tired all the time. I have little spurts of energy, but they don't last long. The pain is okay. It's usually tolerable. Most days I can get away without taking any pain meds, over-the-counter or otherwise. I get nauseous frequently, but... I'm usually always hungry. (Though I'm not eating as much during each sitting, so maybe that's why. I can't tolerate all food - it's hit or miss.) Every now and then the pain will last for 20-40 minutes. Those bouts are tough, but it's nothing like the stuff that made me go to the hospital in the first place. Maybe the worst part is sleeping. It's painful to sleep on my stomach or my sides, which is how I usually prefer to sleep. Even sleeping on my back can get uncomfortable. I manage to get enough hours in most nights, but it's frustratingly hard to fall asleep. The doctor mentioned that I might have an intercostal injury or sprain, and I don't know how that would have happened, but I suppose it makes sense with how the pain feels at times. Nothing too bad though. It's tolerable. 

And mentally... I have my moments. I like to think I'm fairly chill about it all. I don't think it's the end of the world. (Liz might be rolling her eyes, rightfully so, because she takes the brunt of my "IT'S NOT FAIR, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS" moments via text or Facebook. She deserves a cake or something.) But generally, I'm good. I try pretty hard to not get all upset or to throw too much of a pity party. Don't get me wrong - it happens, usually several times a day, especially if I have a reminder of what my life was like two years ago. But they're usually fleeting moments, and I get out of it quick enough. I'd be lying if I said part of me wasn't super angry though. I'm just over it. I've gotten blood drawn like 40 times in the last year and a half. I'm sick of sitting there while they try to get veins. I'm sick of going to the doctor and finding out about five new problems I have. I understand it's because I went without medical care for so long, and that things would have been stopped or even prevented, but I'm still annoyed at the situation. It's upsetting that even when I get the liver stuff taken care of, I still have to deal with the endometriosis. It's fucking infuriating that it's hard to get proper surgery for it. I wish I could be healthier, that I could wake up and last an entire day without feeling like I can't keep my eyes open. I miss having a job and wish I didn't have such unpredictable symptoms. 

Hey, I just had myself one of those fleeting pity parties I spoke of. Whatever, it's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Perks of having a blog. 

Overall, I'm okay. It's hard to be optimistic all the time, but I've been worse. I'm alright. 

Will be even better if I don't have to undergo any procedures while awake. ;)

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Charlotte  

link love

I just got word it's snowing in upstate New York. Simultaneously glad that I'm not there and jealous because I'm not there. I miss my friends.

On to happier things, though, like random links from around the www.

Loved this recap of American presidents Johnson-McKinley (or, as the writer says, "The Mustache Era"). It was informative, like all articles from Wait But Why, but also funny. My kind of article.

Droughts suck but this is cool.

I thought this article about potential upsides of being prone to guilt was really interesting. I don't think it's healthy to feel guilty about every little thing, but we can all agree that people who never own up to mistakes are insufferable, yes? It does make sense to me that people who feel guilt would have higher scores on emotional intelligence tests.

This doesn't surprise me, but it's always good to keep in mind: poverty has horrible effects on children. Even a little bit of money can have drastic positive changes.

I know it's going around like wildfire, but Larry David is perfect.

Liz and I wrote what might be my favorite blog post: Books to Read in Your Twenties. Check it out!

This is irrelevant for the vast majority of my friends, but I do know a few women who are nursing, so I thought I'd share this article that highlights things we might not know about breastfeeding.

I've got to tuck this into my pocket for future bridal party inspiration.

Love/want this Stars Hollow poster.

Did you see this game-winning last-second play that sent a shocked fan to the hospital for a heart attack??

Every now and then the world is gifted a perfect article that is perfectly written - one that is hilariously funny, but that accurately describes the problems we're all facing. This is such a gift.

Usually, I'm not a fan of words as names. But I actually liked some of these word baby name suggestions.

This aunt who sued her little nephew for hugging her is the worst. I couldn't believe the story wasn't satire. 

Most posts about Gilmore Girls are endearing, but I found this one extra enjoyable.

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are expecting a baby and it's the sweetest thing. Especially happy for them since they've had difficulty getting pregnant for a while.

I'm dying to try this recipe for sausage, potato, and spinach soup.

And I loved this post from His Pierced Hands. I'm actually going to go ahead and copy and paste the prayer she included here, but go read the whole post. It's terrific.

Lord, I offer you all of me, all that I am and all that I am not. I offer you every good decision and every regrettable mistake, every great accomplishment and every missed opportunity, every divinely inspired gift and every unapplied talent, every success and every miserable failure. I offer you all joy and all heartache, every kindness and every bitterness to be forgotten, every twinkle in my eye and every tear flowing down my cheek, every great love and each lost or irrecoverable act of charity. I offer you every quiet reflective moment and all of the unneeded chaos around me, all things holy and good in me and all things in need of greater purification. I give you every joyful memory and every bitter foul pain, each future moment and every missed opportunity to love, every kind act and each regrettable harsh word, all meekness and humility within me and every misplaced prideful thought, every virtue and every weak vice, every laugh and all misery mixed with weeping. I give you every healthy breath and every weakness of mind and body, every attempt at chastity and every unworthy lustful thought, every restful repose and every anxious sleepless night. O Lord, you can have all of me, the beauty that you’ve deposited deep within me and the emptiness of my sinful faults. I love you and am yours completely. Amen. -Pedro de la Cruz

Isn't that perfect??
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Charlotte

24 Random Facts About Me

1. I'm already regretting my decision to write a post of 24 random facts.
2. While driving yesterday, a chicken was in the middle of the street, freshly escaped from its coop. Of course I had to verbally utter, "Why did the chicken cross the road??"
3. I have a decent sense of humor, but I often ruin it with corny jokes. 
4. I'm just slightly obsessed with trains. 
5. My best friend's brother and cousin covered one of my eyes with a toothpaste-lotion-soap-glue mixture they made when I slept over one night. It was painful and...
6. I literally slept with one eye open, as the other was stuck shut.
7. I loathe intentional walks. (If you don't watch baseball, you can disregard that. ;) 
8. The only big concert I've ever been to was a Jonas Brothers concert. 
9. I got into a fight in second grade because this bitch tried telling us all that Santa wasn't real.
10. Picking a favorite food is an impossible task.
11. I have a single strand of shiny white/gray hair. 
12. I want to have a big family.
13. Charlotte's Web was the bane of my existence for the first 13 years of life. 
14. I'm exaggerating slightly. It was a little annoying though. 
15. I let my friends help pick out my confirmation saint. ...Turns out there is no Saint Cassandra. 
16. Sunsets may or may not result in crying/shrieking from me. 
17. I love the rain.
18. I'm very much in favor of the Oxford comma. 
19. I have strong feelings about which of the Harry Potter movies were best (Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets - I wish Chris Columbus had directed all of the movies).
20. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
21. I think know dogs > cats. (But cats > other household pets that aren't dogs.)
22. I'm in love with a man nearly twice my age.
23. Just kidding, I only sort of like a guy, and he's my age. #square
24. I want to do this one day.

Bonus: I'm currently watching the Mets/Dodgers game and sort of wishing that everyone had the Yankees' dress code that requires clean hair cuts...

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Charlotte

Books Before My Thirtieth Birthday

That's right, a book bucket list for my twenties.

Liz and I just compiled a decent sized list of the books we'd like to read before we turn 30 over on Filthy Casket. Here's a snippet:

At the risk of sounding exceptionally corny, when I was coming up with this list, I tried to think about what kind of woman I want to be. (One answer: Not the kind of grown ass woman who hasn't read Pride and Prejudice.) I want to be someone who reads often and who reads critically and thoughtfully. I also want to be the kind of woman who never finds herself without a witty comeback. I'm already pretty good with that, but I can stand to up my literary humor game.  

I want to know more about the world, I want to understand the struggles of other people, and I want to be able to talk about the classics. I also do not - do not - want to be the kind of person who doesn't pick up a book because reading it feels like a daunting task. Do that too many times and suddenly my reading habits will become a metaphor for my life, and that's not the kind of life I want to make. 

You'll also find a few heavy Catholic books on here, because I've really started to love being a Catholic. It's already made me a better person, and I've been devouring saints' stories left and right. Your twenties are supposed to be a wonderful time to solidify habits, and I'd love to start incorporating more of the Catholic customs into my life. No time like the present!  

Lastly, I've got a few kids books on here. Maybe I'll have kids before my thirtieth birthday, maybe I won't - but I really like the idea of having a few kids books under my belt before I'm a parent. Is that weird? Probably. But again, I tried to keep in mind what kind of woman I want to be while writing this - and a good parent is definitely part of the answer. 

I own a lot of these, plus most are classics or at least very old, meaning they're nearly free for the kindle. I officially have no excuses to not finish this list.  

Some of the books: Les Miserables, On Being Catholic, Pride and Prejudice, Gone With the Wind, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Confessions of Saint Augustine, and so much more! 

Head over to Filthy Casket Book Reviews to read the rest!

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Charlotte 

link love

Alright, this post is gonna be light as hell. I'll get back to regular posting this week. :) 

I'm not a fan of Halloween, but if I have my own place next year (please, God), I'd love to throw a Harry Potter themed Halloween party. Would love to! Maybe a good goal? 

Stephanie Meyer is writing (or has written?) a new book... It's Twilight, but with all the genders reversed. I wish Meyer could understand that the issues her books pose can't just be solved by making the men women and vice versa. She really does not seem to have a great grasp on any of it.

I love this guy!

Really enjoyed reading this list of books to help you "reorganize, reinvent, and rejuvenate." I've already read (and loved!) Better Than Before, and I've had my eyes on Marie Kondo's book for some time. The others sound great, too! 

Have you seen these private photos of Pope Francis? They're beautiful!

I'm sure you've already watched this video, but just another reminder: frat boys must be stopped. I'd love a bowl of jalapeno bacon mac and cheese but COME ON.

All of these women are beautiful, but I especially love the dress in number 17.  

Oh, gosh. This video of pee wee football players distracted by the nae nae is maybe the cutest thing ever.

Ben Carson is........ I feel bad calling anyone an idiot, but Ben Carson seems like an idiot. And a hypocrite and a jerk and just, let's not vote for him, okay? 

One of my big, long-term goals is to fix my credit and I found this article really helpful, though also depressing/intimidating. 

I love hearing what people have to say about books and stories, because I can keep it in mind while writing my own. Do you agree that we're seeing too many "chosen one" story lines? (Also, loved this post about types of stories.) 

Oh and hey! Check out my book review of Mindy Kaling's Why Not Me? It was excellent! I think I need to write a follow up post, though, because she said something toward the end of the book that's been making me think. Stay tuned. And check out Liz's newest book review, too! We're loving our new blog! 

I think that's all this week! 

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Charlotte