I cant believe how crappy I feel. I had a nifty little procedure done on Wednesday where they went into my bile duct and cut away some muscle (sphincter of Oddi? lol) and it went well... but my pancreas became irritated. Beforehand they told me I had about a 15% - 1 in 6 - chance of developing pancreatitis, so I wasn't completely shocked to wake up in pain, but... it's not pleasant either. I ended up needing to stay in the hospital while they pumped me with fluids and medicine and let's just say there were a lot of ups and downs when it came to testing out whether or not I could hold food down. When I was finally able to eat a cracker without feeling like death, I was deemed okay enough to travel back to NC (the procedure was done by specialists in Charleston). The doctor is pretty terrific and has called to check on me several times.. but I'm not doing great. It seems mostly that my pancreas is still just irritated. I get nauseous pretty frequently (but not constant, so that's good!) and my pain hasn't really let up. I'm on medicine for the pain and I hate it. Aside from wanting to just not have to take meds, they make me loopy and sort of sad? Like I take the medicine and an hour later I'm sitting on my bed thinking all of my saddest thoughts. fun. stuff. I'm scared that if the pain continues they're going to want to admit me again (to flush me with nonstop fluids, preventing the pancreatitis from becoming severe), so fingers crossed that doesn't happen.
My birthday was yesterday and I was well enough to eat a small piece of cake, though. That was my biggest concern. Cake is more important than most other things. I rounded out the night with a midnight viewing of Bring It On (it's on Netflix now! Yay!) and a second (but tiny!) piece of cake.
Some things that happened this month:
I got a kayak for my birthday! It is blue, but the bottom is white. After we bought it we put it inside the car (my car has a rack on it... my aunt's car does not) and it was hilariously bad, with the front of it all the way up to the windshield. When I turned to the left, instead of seeing the driver's seat, I just saw the kayak. And since all I could see was the white part, I have named said kayak Moby Dick. I got it right before surgery, so I haven't taken it out yet. As soon as I feel better!
Oh! This probably should have been in that top paragraph, but I'm too lazy to fix it. Here's an epic story. (If you are queasy about needles, do not read this part.) I am awful when it comes to getting the iv placed. I am generally poked an average of three or four times before they can successfully place an iv in my veins. I don't know why. It doesn't bother me anymore, and I'm fine with needles now. (All except needles in the mouth. I am a wimp when it comes to those.) WELL. They had to get the anesthesiologist to place my iv because it just wasn't happening. So she numbs my hand (which is nice.. the hospital here does not do that) after finding a vein. But once the numbing stuff is in, the vein is lost. She poked around a bit for it, and I felt some of it, but that's not entirely unexpected on my part. Numbing stuff does not seem to work great on me. So she tries again. Then she goes to my other hand and tells me, "I found a vein. I can numb your hand again, but last time I did that, the vein disappeared..." So I told her to just do it without the numbing medicine. Needles in the hands suck for sure, but again, the hospital here doesn't do it so I'm used to it and it's not the worst pain in the world. She was in there for a minute or two and then found a vein... but there was a valve (I think? Something?) blocking the iv from going in all the way.
At this point my blood also decided it'd be fun to leak everywhere, including me, her, and the floor. This was a first for me, but I'm not queasy about this kind of crap anymore. But then she asked someone to go get wire small enough to fit through the iv and I was hella confused. She explained that she was going to try snaking the wire through the iv to open the valve, allowing her to push the iv in all the way.
Gross.
But I was game, because I'd prefer that (after being assured it wouldn't hurt - weakling) to being poked five more times. So that's what she did. I was sort of disgusted but also intrigued and I couldn't not watch someone thread a wire through my vein. There was happiness from everyone in the room when it worked and then she and I fist bumped, because we cool, we cool.
I don't like being sick all the time, but in my quest to look for silver linings, I can't help but feel a little more badass when things like this happen. Adding to my street cred repertoire (ask me about the time I had to hold a needle in my own hand while a nurse ran to get something...).
Moving on to bigger and better things...
I worked at a farmer's market for approximately ten seconds. The boss refused to pay me more than $9 (I had asked for $10) even though he offered a man $12 to do it (especially infuriating because it's not like we'd be doing anything differently - and he didn't have any more experience than I do). I put up with it because I want money. But then this mothaeffa made things even worse. He changed the set up at the stand, which is fine, but when I gave my opinion he was beyond rude. Like, calling me "girl" and getting all patronizing. Later that day he asked me why I needed to eat dinner if I ate lunch. And I still held my tongue. But then when it came to paycheck time he took off around 4 or 5 hours worth of pay. He said he wasn't paying me for travel time, even though that was the agreement. (For a different job with an actual living wage and more hours, I wouldn't demand something like that for a 45 minute commute. But at $9/hr for part time, inconsistent hours - yeah. I'm not using a third of my pay on gas.) I told him I couldn't do it without travel and that was that. Every - legit every - woman who works for him came up to me in the next few days to tell me they were glad I stood up to him. He treats his female employees like crap and it is disgusting to behold. It's made especially worse because he tries to preach the Bible to everyone - something I'd actually delight in if it weren't paired with anti-Christian actions, but hey.
I'm still working in the greenhouse now and then (hospital stays have sort of interfered with that...) but I'm hoping to get a real job now - something I'm good at, enjoy, and can rely on for hours and pay. Fingers crossed... again.
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| I may have had no clue what I was doing at the farmer's market, but at least it was pretty. |
In other exciting but potentially dangerous news, I discovered bookoutlet.com. Oh man. OH MAN. So many deeply discounted new books, dirt cheap used books, and good sales! It has taken great self control to not go use every penny I have on books. Even more wonderful, they participate with ebates.com. So I go on my ebates account, click over to book outlet, and boom. Cheap books plus a couple of dollars back! Can't get enough of it. I bought four books for like $9 the other day (not including shipping) and was pumped. Go check it out. Unless you're trying to save money. Then don't.
Speaking of books and money... I did okay on my goals for last month. I saved over my goal of $200. Unfortunately, I had to use some of it after I ended up staying in the hospital, but I still have some left. I sort of read six books... I read four (or five) books for the first time and then.. reread two of the Harry Potter books. Go on, judge me. I went to the Y a bunch of times, but then got knocked off course big time after the hospital and then with GI appointments and ultrasounds and surgery. I did not go to Asheville to ask about classes (on next week's to-do list, assuming I'm feeling okay!) I didn't write ANY book reviews!!! But I have started some. I have to get back on the blogging horse, for real. I don't remember how many recipes I've tried, didn't keep track of that one at all. I didn't talk to Steph about Chapel Hill because my car is falling apart (literally - I keep finding little pieces of my undercarriage in the driveway...) so that's not in the cards right now. And I lost some weight - 7 pounds, not 10. But I'm counting that a success.
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| Ignore apparent dirt/mess - this is not my bathroom, it just had a conveniently placed mirror. |
This picture is saved in my computer as "Awful." I took it on a day when I thought my weight loss was actually showing - and then I saw this picture and realized I look preggo. Great! But really, I am losing weight. Slowly but surely.
As for this month's goals:
1. Call my friends more. Most of my friends texted me or reached out to me on facebook yesterday to wish me a happy birthday. Stephanie called me, and after I hung up I felt so good having spent a little while just talking to my friend and actually hearing her voice. It is nice to actually laugh with your friend instead of typing out a stale "lol." I want to make calling my friends a priority. I'm sure it'll only happen once or twice a week, but that's still way more often than I currently manage.
2. Along that same line of thought, write to my friends more. I used to do this all the time! But a few months ago I started slacking and I never really got back into it.
3. Read six more books. I've read just under 20 books so far, which means I'm pretty much on track to reach my goal of 60 books this year! I need to make sure I keep up with it.
4. REVIEW SOME DAMN BOOKS, CHARLOTTE.
5. Lose eight pounds.
6. Go to Asheville to look into classes.
7. Go kayaking at least three times.
I'm hoping I can muster the energy to achieve these few goals. I purposely left my list a little short this month, just in case.
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| bonus gif for your enjoyment |
See ya next month, babettes.
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Charlotte
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