Until a few years ago, I didn’t
know it wasn’t normal to have headaches every day. I knew I had “severe, lay down in complete
darkness or I might actually die” headaches more often than most, but I
attributed that to the level of stress in my life and to the fact that I tend
to have really bad luck. I figured other
people also got headaches pretty frequently, but just not as bad as I did.
I’ve had headaches forever. I don’t remember them being daily before high
school, but I’ve always gotten them fairly often. I’m still not sure what causes them. What I do know, though, is that I couldn’t see
a doctor for them. In high school I didn’t
have good insurance and in college I didn’t have any insurance. So I’d load up on ibuprofen and try to
function. Some days it was too much, and
I’d have to stay in bed. I’d cap the
ibuprofen at eight pills at once, and if it was painful enough that eight pills
wouldn’t do it, I’d try to sleep.
There were maybe ten times
throughout college that I needed to just drive myself to the emergency room
because of it. Since I didn’t have
insurance, I tried to not do that unless I started to lose portions of my
vision and/or feel dizzy. Every time I
went, they’d prescribe pain pills. The
first few times, I was content with that.
Anything that gave me some relief was welcome. But after a while, I worried that I would
become addicted to the pills. I was also
concerned that we’d never figure out why I
was having headaches if all they ever did was give me pain meds. So I started to beg them to run tests. Any kind of tests. I asked them to hold off on the pain meds and
just figure out what was causing the problem.
I remember one time, a resident at the ER was really nice, and was going
over various causes of headaches that were accompanied by my other symptoms
(dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, sometimes numbness). He told me a few different tests they’d run,
listing them from least invasive (CAT scans) to most invasive (something about
sticking a needle in my back, which sounded really awful). No one likes being poked and prodded, so I
wasn’t exactly giddy about all this, but I was at least thankful that maybe we could finally figure this out.
About an hour later, the resident
came back to tell me the attending doctor said they wouldn’t do the tests, to
write me a prescription, and to send me home.
I straight up started crying.
I haven’t gone back to the
hospital for headaches since then because really, what’s the point?
Now I’ve had insurance for the
last several months, and I haven’t been turned away once.
I understand hospitals and
doctors need to be paid, but it’s absurd that people don’t get treated because
they can’t afford the (astronomical) prices of healthcare.
(Maybe instead of spending a ton
of money on weapons we don’t need and tax breaks the ultra-wealthy don’t need,
the government could fully reimburse doctors and hospitals when they provide
treatment for poor people/people on Medicaid. But I suppose that would be akin to the big,
bad socialism monster.)
My point, I guess, is that I’m
kind of pissed off that my life expectancy is lower because I’m poor. That I’ve been in pain for YEARS because I’m
poor. That even as a kid, I couldn’t get
proper treatment because I didn’t have a ton of money.
Those headaches I mentioned have
brought a plethora of other problems both health related and unrelated to
health. Ulcers from taking too much
ibuprofen. Horrible grades in school
from missing class so often. A generally
bad attitude, because it’s hard and tiring and frustrating to wake up every day
in pain, knowing you’re very likely not going to get better. This may sound like one big complaint, and
that may make some eyes roll, but I don’t care.
Until you’ve lived it, please don’t tell me to pull myself up by my
bootstraps, or that if I work hard enough, this will all go away. Because I do
work hard. My friends who are also
poor do work hard. And we’re all in the same boat of having
health issues that will never go away, regardless of how hard we work.
Because we were born poor.
If you can’t see how that’s
wrong, nothing I say will convince you.
And getting out of poverty – getting a relatively well paying job,
having good health insurance – isn’t going to change the fact that we’re sicker
than our wealthier counterparts or that we’re dying sooner than our wealthier
counterparts. Living in poverty for such
a long period of time makes its mark and doesn’t leave. Being stressed out every. single. day. Takes a mental and physical toll. My body is more worn than it would have been
if I wasn’t living in poverty for so long.
My mentality, my perseverance, is stretched thinner than it would have
been if I wasn’t living in poverty for so long.
Are there exceptions to this? Are
there people who find a way out and manage to have smiles on their faces
despite a rough start? Yes. Of course.
Power to them. But the fact that
there are exceptions doesn’t mean we should expect every poor person to overcome.
The vast majority don’t. We live
in an economy that was built to keep us that way.
Am I mad at middle class or affluent
people for having insurance and a longer life expectancy? No.
But I’m mad at the system and I’m mad at the people who create it and do
everything they can to maintain it.
I’m not Gilgamesh, I’m not on
some ridiculous quest to find immortality.
But dying five years sooner that I would if I had money? That’s something I don’t want. Five
years isn’t a tremendous amount of time.
But at 70-75? Do you know how
many grandkids can be born in five years?
How many places you can visit?
Life is precious and every life – even the lives of poor people – should
be valued by society.
People can say capitalism is good
all they want. They’re wrong. A system that preys on people, that literally
lets people die, that lets people wither away in pain and despair, is
wrong. It’s just wrong. I don’t want a system where everyone has
exactly the same amount of money and the same healthcare policies. But after dealing with a system where money
determines everything, I definitely want a system where everyone has ENOUGH
money and access to good healthcare.
Capitalism will never, ever be that system.
__
Charlotte
Charlotte
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