Going Back to School

Whew. Just a little over a year ago I wrote about my plan to go back to school. Well, it's taken me longer than I'd have liked, but last week I enrolled at a community college in a nearby city and in the upcoming weeks I get to meet with an advisor to register for classes. I'll be taking physics and a math course (not sure which one yet - don't really fancy jumping right into calculus after 6+ years of not learning math, so might take pre-calc algebra first).

On the one hand, I'm really excited. On the other hand................. slightly terrified. I'm worried about what happens if I go back and end up really sucking at all of this. Also, I am not very healthy. In fact, I have to stop lying to myself. I keep saying that I'll get better soon, but in reality, my body seems to be getting worse. My liver enzymes are nice and high, my abdominal pain has spread so that it's now on both sides and in my chest and back (it used to mostly stay confined to the right upper quadrant). I don't know if it's related, but two months ago my legs were fine and now they're terribly sore to the point where I have trouble lifting them at times. When it started, it was mainly happening at night (felt as though I had done insane work outs, even though I hadn't) and now it happens during the day, too. My nausea medicine knocks me out, so I sometimes end up wasting an entire day sleeping. So that's all problematic. But I'm trying to remain optimistic. Late next week I'm having two procedures done, and the doctors are likely going to take biopsies. I'm really, really hoping they figure out what is wrong. 

And if they don't (knock on wood, because I don't want to just be stuck with mystery symptoms and bad blood work forever), then I'm still anticipating going to school. I'm only taking two classes, so I should be able to manage that schedule even if I'm still sick. I considered just putting it off another semester, but decided against that. It has been a long time since I've felt like a normal human being and I really need to do things again. I don't want to put it off indefinitely. Ain't no way to liiiive. 

I'm also nervous about some practical obstacles. My computer is falling apart, literally. It's held together with electrical tape at the moment, and I can see its innards. Wires and metal galore. But I can get by without a laptop for a while, hopefully. The bigger concern is my car, which is becoming less and less safe to drive unless I get it fixed. (I'm not just procrastinating on getting it fixed - it's likely to cost over $1000 and nobody has that type of money.) I get mad every time I think about it, because it turns out the dealership sold it to me like this. Nice of them!! The school is about 40 minutes away, so a car isn't optional. I'm going to try to work things out over the next couple of months. 

Despite all that, I'm still just pumped. It's been such a long time since I've done anything with any sort of purpose. It's exciting to actually work toward one of my bigger goals (and hopefully get on the road to being independent again - thankful that I've been able to live rent free, but... I also miss not living with family). And maybe one day I'll end up working to solve problems such as these. ;)

__
Charlotte

link love

a little irony for your Sunday evening

This week was a rainy one in NC. Today we've finally had sun (although... I actually love the rain, so maybe I shouldn't say "finally") and I've been itching to get out but it's rough right now with the pain and with the meds and with the side effects of the meds. I've tried to completely stop pain meds, sort of against my doctors' advice (they just think I should not be in pain if I don't have to, which is fair, but I'm scared of pain meds). But the nausea meds knock me out. Which is great at night, though, because I've got trouble sleeping. Although... the last two or three nights have been odd. I'll lay down and start reading and can't go more than twenty minutes. Maybe I need a different book? 

Or maybe I need to spend less time on the internet? I admit I've been staying on later and later. But sometimes it's hard to look away when there's just so much. LIKE:

This most excellent Harry Potter quiz, of course. I got Hermione Granger the first time I took it a few days ago, but when I retook it just now, I totally got Albus Dumbledore. Win. (Speaking of Buzzfeed quizzes, did you see how you can make your own quiz and have your friends take it? My friends all took the quiz about me, and the most they got right was THREE QUESTIONS. For comparison, on theirs I got 4, 6, and 7 right, so... suck it.)

I've been craving adventure a little bit lately. On the next sunny day when I'm feeling good I'm going to take my kayak out. And one day... one day maybe I'll be brave enough to ride a motorcycle on the edge of a mountain. Probably not. But it is fun to watch. Also adventurous.. tattoos! I plan on getting a second tattoo one day and it will most likely be HP-related, so I enjoyed scrolling through these. I love the Weasley's car in the whomping willow!!!!!

I cannot get over this bachelor (...or I guess, contestant). He looks like the lovechild of Ashton Kutcher and Shia LaBeouf, with a dash of Dax Shepard for good measure. 

I am feeling dreadful about the upcoming election, so I almost hate to talk about it. But I can't avoid it altogether and sometimes I wouldn't want to, like in the case of this woman's obituary, which claims Ms. Mary Anne chose to go be with God rather than vote for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Can't. And as someone who is still hoping Bernie will win, I liked this article about his great chances of beating Trump (with wider margins than Hillary can hope for) and this one that says Clinton supporters should really stop bullying Sanders supports for not jumping on the bandwagon.

Equally frustrating as the election: Drew, a tv show about.. you got it, Nancy Drew, is not going to air. Why? Because it's "too female." Yeah.

Happier things, happier things.. Meg at Pierced Hands is one of my favorite bloggers. I loved her recent post about the nature of the Holy Spirit. Click on over. (I also loved the Disney short movie that she included. Adorable.)  

I enjoyed this article over at Verily which talks about ways exercise can help women specifically. (Also, Verily is on fire. Check out these cute work outfits! And this article about singleness and Jane Austen!)

This new show, Speechless, looks good. And I love Minnie Driver. 

LOVED this article about Charles Dickens' ability to come up with names for his characters. You know I love names. And writing. Best of both. 

I laugh at most of the hashtag segments on The Tonight Show. This one about weird neighbors did not disappoint. 

I'm not too ashamed to admit that I watch and thoroughly enjoy Grey's Anatomy. I liked this article over on Slate about why it's actually a good show. (Although we don't have to pretend it's the stuff of giants.)

Lady Gaga posted an image and talked about the Eucharist, and a bunch of Catholics (and other Christians) went crazy. They basically went on about how she's not a true Catholic and we shouldn't be happy about her and that she shouldn't be receiving the Eucharist at all... ugh. I liked this counter argument. 

I'm crushing on this book, these sandals, and this dress.

And to wrap this up - if you're the praying type, keep this man and his family in your thoughts. They just lost their new baby. And this family as well - a young father of five has stage four melanoma and they have to keep travelling between states for treatment. 

til next week

Charlotte 

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE

the look of disapproval 

when people get death eater tattoos

hospitals at night

tampons

pulling out dry tampons

periods in general

the current trend of painting everything white (kitchens, bedrooms, living rooms, EVERYTHING)

black coffee 

weather above 75 degrees

weather below 50 degrees

Donald Trump

when men wear flip flops

the fact that q-tips aren't meant for cleaning ears

birth control

Hillary Clinton

when people tell me I'm irresponsible if I don't vote for Hillary Clinton

greasy soup

Til next time

Charlotte

Person: Alison

P sure she'll hate me for this, since I cropped myself out.

I don't even know how to begin writing about my friend Alison. (Sometimes I call her "Palison" since she's my pal.) I usually don't like to play favorites among my friends, but... there's something about Alison that makes me instantly like her. I love all of my close friends, obviously, but I can't think of Alison and not smile. I'm sure she'll love reading that. (She's probably puking in her mouth.) 

We get along astoundingly well considering how we've always been at different stages in life. She's a couple years older. I was like a horrible student who never went to class when we met, and she was not. Now she's married with a good job and I'm over here fumbling around trying just to function. And yet, we click.

Not the best quality ever, but it'll do.

I think Alison finds me more amusing than any of my other friends do. (I could be wrong and maybe she's just being nice to me to preserve my feelings?) She laughs at most of my jokes. If they aren't terrifically funny, she at least gives me a look that tells me she appreciates the effort (unless it's at an inappropriate moment). I find her funny, too, but in a much subtler way. She's less of an outright dick than I am. 

I had a surgery a few years back and a few of my friends came along. She was the only one (I think?) who didn't do a-hole things like tell me I was gonna die from the air bubbles in my IV (I'm looking at you, Liz). Also, I..... vaguely remember needing help getting dressed after surgery. I even vaguely-er remember being like, "No! I don't want help getting dressed!" As Alison and another friend (if I'm remembering correctly - I was full of drugs) helped me get dressed. It doesn't sound funny, but my fuzzy memory of it is hilarious. 

She's sort of selfless but it's annoying as fuck because, like, she won't tell me her birthday! I believe it's in June, but I'm not sure (if I had to guess, I'd say June 25th.. so it's probably February 3rd). I LOVE SENDING PEOPLE GIFTS AND/OR CARDS FOR THEIR BIRTHDAYS. IT IS ONE OF THE WAYS I SHOW MY LOVE. AND THIS B IS MAKING IT SO I CANNOT DO THAT. I should send her a birthday card once a week just to annoy her. 

I am definitely going to start doing that. 

But yeah, she also has like zero pictures of just her on Facebook (other than ones where she's mid-running), which is why I had to crop that photo up there. Here's the original: 

This picture was taken on my birthday a couple of years ago. It sums up our relationship unbelievably well. 

Al is the classiest person I know. I think. I'd call her style simple-elegant. (Yes, Alison? Do you agree?) She'd probably be just fine having Kate Middleton's closet. Also, and yes, I know, external beauty is not all that matters, but I'd be remiss to not mention that she's annoying gorgeous. I've told her this before an she usually rolls her eyes. One time after she hung out with some of my friends, I asked a friend what she thought of Alison, and the response literally was, "She seems nice. Also, I have never seen such a perfect face." She is not the only friend who has had that kind of response after I've introduced them to Al. I'm sure Alison is mad at me for even writing that (or at least annoyed/blushing/whatever), but it's my blog and I'll say what I want. One day she and her husband will end up having babies that come out six feet tall with the faces of porcelain dolls.

Really adore the fact that I look pregnant in every picture we have together. -_-

When we first met, I liked her but also assumed she'd be condescending. I don't know why? Maybe because she and my then-roommate (which is how we met) asked me a bunch of questions and told me they had stalked me online before I moved in. (They also told me they thought I'd be awful - prob why I assumed she'd look at me with fiery scorn.) But it turned out that we got along well and she doesn't (to my knowledge) judge me for any of the things. 

We had this fun thing going where we wrote to each other all the time (old school) but I dropped the ball on that after the last letter. oy. Gotta get my act together.  

Before her wedding we were all at her house and her parents, who are very nice, marked our heights on the wall. This gives me such an immense feeling of satisfaction for some reason. I think it's because my brain is all, "Haha, Alison, I'm on your wall now. You're friends with me forever now. No escaping it." 

Over all, she's pleasant, but not in a bubbly way (like Stephanie). She's sarcastic and humorously cynical, but when it comes down to it she is very supportive. I mean, like I said, she helped an annoying drugged person get dressed after surgery. She can't not be a somewhat nice person. 

My friend Liz and I have joked before that Liz's boyfriend, Sean, is like the older brother I never wanted. Well Alison is like the older sister I did want. We probably don't talk as much as we should. Next week, when I send her the first of 52 birthday cards she's getting, I'll mention it. 

xoxo

____

Charlotte  

Currently Reading (May 2016)

I've noticed that every time I leave the hospital, I go a little haywire when it comes to my previously well-honed habits. I have no clue why, and I realize the opposite should be true (as in... I should continue fasting from soda after I leave the hospital where I had been admitted for abdominal issues instead of abandoning that habit and drinking it once a day..). Theoretically a hospital stay should just strengthen my resolve to form and keep good habits. But it's always true that for at least two weeks post-hospital, I'm a mess. Not even a hot mess. Just a mess. I'm not entirely sure why this happens, but it does. My best guess is that my mood changes and I'm just sort of more sad and slightly pathetic and... it just takes me a minute to get back on track. 

This all applies to my reading habits. I was doing so good before my stint in Charleston!! SO GOOD. And since then? I've read maybe half a book. Le sigh. I've decided that maybe a personal book challenge is the way to get me out of my slump. I'm going to read as many books as I can this week. I'm hoping to get through at least four. I've already got a few books I've started over the last few weeks, but I'm less than a quarter through each of them.

Here's a list of the books: 

1. Beastkeeper by Cat Hellisen 

I saw this book while browsing over at bookoutlet.com and liked the cover. And then I saw it was on sale! I got is for like $2. I have mixed opinions on it so far. I'm enjoying the story well enough, but so far there have been no surprises. The writing isn't bad, in fact it's almost good, but it's too much. Every other sentence doesn't need a metaphor or analogy. I've said this before, but I don't need writing to be too pretty (maybe if it's poetry). 

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

For the third time this year.        

3. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Ah. So I'm enjoying this book. But it's slow going. I don't know why (Pride and Prejudice is another one I just can't seem to get through). It's a library book, though, and I've renewed it once already, so I need to either pick up the pace or prepare to take a short hiatus if someone else has the book on hold.

4. The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling

I was primarily interested in this book just because it's by Rowling. I've only just started it, so I don't have an opinion on it yet. I'm sure I won't love it the way I love Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean it won't be a good book. It's another library book, so I don't have all year to procrastinate. 

5. Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos

I read Loved Walked In by this author and absolutely loved it. So when I saw another of her books in the library, I knew I had to check it out. 

6. The Mapmaker's Children by Sarah McCoy

Yes. I was reading this in March. I put it down to read Harry Potter. I need to stop doing that. And then I just kept reading other books and fully neglected this one. For shame. I'm enjoying it well enough so far, we'll see if that keeps up. This is a must-finish for me because it's a blogging for books pick, so I need to review it soon!!

And that's it at the moment. Like I said, I want to try and read as many books as possible this week, and hopefully at least four of these. 

Time will tell. 

__

Charlotte    

link love

This is embarrassing, but since only three people read my blog, I'll share. Yesterday I was driving through the park (in an effort to baby step my way out of the house - I'm still having a lot of nausea/pain/discomfort since my procedure so driving then walking then hiking, you get it) and I thought of this hilarious joke. I imagined the situation with specific friends, and for some reason I decided to elaborately mouth the joke. I was alone in my car, so it's fair if you think I'm crazy for essentially lip-syncing a funny joke I made up to absolutely no one other than my not-physically-there friends. Anyway. As I'm mid-mouthing-joke, I glance out my window and see these teen girls looking at me and then I start cracking up because I'm pretty sure they were on the precipice of hysteria themselves. I'm assuming they thought I was just really into belting out whatever song was on (which happened to be Destiny's Child - so they'd normally be correct). They had no way of knowing I was actually just cracking myself up. I was embarrassed for .2 seconds but then I got over myself. At least people got a laugh out of my joke. ....Sort of. 

But now for some links! (This is longer than usual because I haven't done one of these posts in ages. Mea culpa. Grab a coffee.)

First off, this story has made it's way around my newsfeed. It claims Hawaii is paying anyone to move to the state and teach. But... it ain't so simple. I do actually meet the requirements, oddly. A teaching certificate isn't required, so there are plenty of people who would be ahead of me. I do have more experience with kids than is necessary, though... I'm going to have to weigh my desire to visit Hawaii/love of working with kids against my semi-irrational fear of tidal waves. This happens whenever friends make suggestions like this. They're reasonable ideas, but scary/scary-ish. (I'm reminded of my friend who has told me a few times to go to Germany for school - which actually is a terrific idea. Free!!! Completely free. I need to grow a pair.)

I've been guilty of using some of these excuses to avoid going out. Books > social life. Speaking of books... I've got two new reviews over on Filthy Casket! One and two. Self-promotion-no-shame-game-strong. (Also! An excellent reading list right here.)

I started using a smart phone again a few weeks ago. It's been fun posting pictures to Instagram again, but... I'm thinking I might go back to my old less intelligent phone. I'm happier and more productive when I spend less time on social media. I've already almost decided on tossing the smart phone, but this article about comparison and a social media detox has just strengthened my resolve. We'll see! (Related: this post would have been finished about two hours ago if I could just stop checking Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, oh my.) 

I could read about personality types all day, so I loved both this post about kitchen designs based on personality and this (ultra old!) post about Gilmore Girls personalities (apparently I'm a Rory).

Speaking of personality types, I enjoyed this article filled with ideas to become a better planner. I related to what the author said about her personality type results changing - our answers on the Myers-Briggs test might change if we mindfully change our habits. We need to plan based on a mix of all that. (Also, and maybe this is cause for a separate post, but my results change on where I'm at in life - I think it has a lot to do with depression. Which sort of sucks!! Sometimes I just wonder what I'd be like if I didn't have - never had - depression.) 

related.

It'd be very unlike me to not include baby name posts, so here: this list of cool vintage names (I like the names, but Bustle is behind the times. These names are already coming back/already back.) and this name advice article! Would you name your baby daughter Josie Rocket? I think it's cute but I'd prefer a longer formal name. Also! There's been a slew of birth announcements over at Sancta Nomina. Go check them out - Beatrice! Gemma! Rosalie! Swoon.

Really enjoyed this post over at Socanary's Diary. "The problem with the pizza tee. You know the ones I'm talking about right? Pizza is Life, Pizza is Bae, or There's No We In Pizza, put on a trendy top. So cute/funny/amazing right?! Sure, unless you're fat."

This dad on twitter cracks me up. (Examples one, two, and three.)

Seriously crushing on this bookshelf. I need an apartment so I can have many, many bookshelves. (No other reasons, nope.)

Pretty sure this dude is either me as a man OR he's my soul mate. Woke up from a coma, asked for Taco Bell.  

An author sent identical queries to various agents using different names. Her own, Catherine, and a fake name - George. George received 17 requests for a manuscript, Catherine received two. The rejections "George" received were also warmer and more encouraging than the rejections Catherine received. All of this info is both heartbreaking and infuriating.     

Let's break real quick for a few feel good videos: 

Oldie but goodie - "Charlie bit my finger.. 15 years later" The man laughing in the background cracks me up each and every time. 

Babies eating lemons. Never disappoints.

This girl's voice. I may or may not have watched this video five times in a row. I may or may not have then fantasized having an excellent voice and stage presence and confidence and desire to be on TV.  

Meghan Trainor's performance may not have made me as swoony as the contender from The Voice, but it's still pretty great. Except that fall at the end. This is why I don't wear heels.

I've never watched baseball as fun as this triple play.

This marriage proposal was cute.. but not cutesy. Is that possible? I think so. 

And of course, this real life game of quidditch. I used to want to go skydiving. I really did. But now that I'm 25... the days mean more, you know. Somewhat kidding. I'm more terrified of skydiving than I used to be, but I might just brave it if it meant I could play quidditch.

Okay! Back to regular programming! 

I enjoyed this whole slideshow, but especially JFK on his wedding day. Dapper. Dapper indeed.

I have a penchant for "interesting" (read: ugly) shoes. Very annoying when such shoes cost $200. A girl can dream. 

Alright so I love, love, love the end result of this makeover. But I can't help but mourn those beautiful, useful bookshelves and that beautiful, spacious, useful loft. I wish we could have seen the space redecorated but not remodeled. le sigh. 

Apparently, half of the people you consider friends don't feel the same way. Ugh! What depressing stats. Not a good read for my insecurities!  

Here, we need cheering up after that article. Let's watch and listen to these amazing ladies sing For Good.

Being in the hospital so much over the last month or two has meant I haven't done a ton of cooking. Which is sad. I'm also having the worst time trying to change my diet. I've already cut a lot of fatty/greasy stuff out, but I have trouble continuing with it. It's straight up harder than any other thing I've challenged myself to do. I'm so used to eating crap. It's really difficult. I guess I just have to make good recipes as often as possible. This one looks delicious. (And while we're on the topic of food and cooking... this kitchen. It's not my style at all, but for some reason I love it. Just the right amount of quirk, I think.)

Try and tell me you can look at this picture of the queen with her fun, color coordinated umbrella and not smile ear to ear. Just try.

I can't recommend this article enough. Here: 

"The biological clock hysteria, with its image of a time bomb lodged in each and every woman’s ovaries, made each woman personally responsible for dealing with that handicap.
Many career women bought it. At least, they did not organise to demand better maternity leave or state subsidised childcare. Instead, they listened to experts who told them what experts always tell women: There is something terribly wrong with you! But luckily, there is also something new and expensive that you can buy to fix it."
"The role of the biological clock has been to make it seem only natural – indeed inevitable – that the burdens of reproducing the world fall almost entirely on women. There are moral as well as practical implications to this idea: if you do not plan your life just right, you deserve to end up desperate and alone."
"This seems like a strange form of empowerment: spending tens of thousands of dollars in order to make your date feel more comfortable. Or, so that you can climb a career ladder that will not bend, even slightly, to meet female workers in their reproductive years."

I need to remember what I read in this post about brooding over our sins. Can't do it. 

LOL at this Emma Watson fan fiction.

Next tattoo.

And finally, hop over to Buzzfeed to laugh at some ingenious graduation cap ideas. I particularly loved the Sponge Bob and Little Mermaid caps.    

And since we're not, you know, post-election yet, here's a friendly reminder...

...for the second time in a week. Not sorry. 

__ 

Charlotte

April Into May | 2016

I cant believe how crappy I feel. I had a nifty little procedure done on Wednesday where they went into my bile duct and cut away some muscle (sphincter of Oddi? lol) and it went well... but my pancreas became irritated. Beforehand they told me I had about a 15% - 1 in 6 - chance of developing pancreatitis, so I wasn't completely shocked to wake up in pain, but... it's not pleasant either. I ended up needing to stay in the hospital while they pumped me with fluids and medicine and let's just say there were a lot of ups and downs when it came to testing out whether or not I could hold food down. When I was finally able to eat a cracker without feeling like death, I was deemed okay enough to travel back to NC (the procedure was done by specialists in Charleston). The doctor is pretty terrific and has called to check on me several times.. but I'm not doing great. It seems mostly that my pancreas is still just irritated. I get nauseous pretty frequently (but not constant, so that's good!) and my pain hasn't really let up. I'm on medicine for the pain and I hate it. Aside from wanting to just not have to take meds, they make me loopy and sort of sad? Like I take the medicine and an hour later I'm sitting on my bed thinking all of my saddest thoughts. fun. stuff. I'm scared that if the pain continues they're going to want to admit me again (to flush me with nonstop fluids, preventing the pancreatitis from becoming severe), so fingers crossed that doesn't happen. 

My birthday was yesterday and I was well enough to eat a small piece of cake, though. That was my biggest concern. Cake is more important than most other things. I rounded out the night with a midnight viewing of Bring It On (it's on Netflix now! Yay!) and a second (but tiny!) piece of cake.

Some things that happened this month: 

I got a kayak for my birthday! It is blue, but the bottom is white. After we bought it we put it inside the car (my car has a rack on it... my aunt's car does not) and it was hilariously bad, with the front of it all the way up to the windshield. When I turned to the left, instead of seeing the driver's seat, I just saw the kayak. And since all I could see was the white part, I have named said kayak Moby Dick. I got it right before surgery, so I haven't taken it out yet. As soon as I feel better! 

Oh! This probably should have been in that top paragraph, but I'm too lazy to fix it. Here's an epic story. (If you are queasy about needles, do not read this part.) I am awful when it comes to getting the iv placed. I am generally poked an average of three or four times before they can successfully place an iv in my veins. I don't know why. It doesn't bother me anymore, and I'm fine with needles now. (All except needles in the mouth. I am a wimp when it comes to those.) WELL. They had to get the anesthesiologist to place my iv because it just wasn't happening. So she numbs my hand (which is nice.. the hospital here does not do that) after finding a vein. But once the numbing stuff is in, the vein is lost. She poked around a bit for it, and I felt some of it, but that's not entirely unexpected on my part. Numbing stuff does not seem to work great on me. So she tries again. Then she goes to my other hand and tells me, "I found a vein. I can numb your hand again, but last time I did that, the vein disappeared..." So I told her to just do it without the numbing medicine. Needles in the hands suck for sure, but again, the hospital here doesn't do it so I'm used to it and it's not the worst pain in the world. She was in there for a minute or two and then found a vein... but there was a valve (I think? Something?) blocking the iv from going in all the way. 

At this point my blood also decided it'd be fun to leak everywhere, including me, her, and the floor. This was a first for me, but I'm not queasy about this kind of crap anymore. But then she asked someone to go get wire small enough to fit through the iv and I was hella confused. She explained that she was going to try snaking the wire through the iv to open the valve, allowing her to push the iv in all the way. 

Gross.

But I was game, because I'd prefer that (after being assured it wouldn't hurt - weakling) to being poked five more times. So that's what she did. I was sort of disgusted but also intrigued and I couldn't not watch someone thread a wire through my vein. There was happiness from everyone in the room when it worked and then she and I fist bumped, because we cool, we cool. 

I don't like being sick all the time, but in my quest to look for silver linings, I can't help but feel a little more badass when things like this happen. Adding to my street cred repertoire (ask me about the time I had to hold a needle in my own hand while a nurse ran to get something...).

Moving on to bigger and better things... 

I worked at a farmer's market for approximately ten seconds. The boss refused to pay me more than $9 (I had asked for $10) even though he offered a man $12 to do it (especially infuriating because it's not like we'd be doing anything differently - and he didn't have any more experience than I do). I put up with it because I want money. But then this mothaeffa made things even worse. He changed the set up at the stand, which is fine, but when I gave my opinion he was beyond rude. Like, calling me "girl" and getting all patronizing. Later that day he asked me why I needed to eat dinner if I ate lunch. And I still held my tongue. But then when it came to paycheck time he took off around 4 or 5 hours worth of pay. He said he wasn't paying me for travel time, even though that was the agreement. (For a different job with an actual living wage and more hours, I wouldn't demand something like that for a 45 minute commute. But at $9/hr for part time, inconsistent hours - yeah. I'm not using a third of my pay on gas.) I told him I couldn't do it without travel and that was that. Every - legit every - woman who works for him came up to me in the next few days to tell me they were glad I stood up to him. He treats his female employees like crap and it is disgusting to behold. It's made especially worse because he tries to preach the Bible to everyone - something I'd actually delight in if it weren't paired with anti-Christian actions, but hey. 

I'm still working in the greenhouse now and then (hospital stays have sort of interfered with that...) but I'm hoping to get a real job now - something I'm good at, enjoy, and can rely on for hours and pay. Fingers crossed... again. 

I may have had no clue what I was doing at the farmer's market, but at least it was pretty. 

In other exciting but potentially dangerous news, I discovered bookoutlet.com. Oh man. OH MAN. So many deeply discounted new books, dirt cheap used books, and good sales! It has taken great self control to not go use every penny I have on books. Even more wonderful, they participate with ebates.com. So I go on my ebates account, click over to book outlet, and boom. Cheap books plus a couple of dollars back! Can't get enough of it. I bought four books for like $9 the other day (not including shipping) and was pumped. Go check it out. Unless you're trying to save money. Then don't. 

Speaking of books and money... I did okay on my goals for last month. I saved over my goal of $200. Unfortunately, I had to use some of it after I ended up staying in the hospital, but I still have some left. I sort of read six books... I read four (or five) books for the first time and then.. reread two of the Harry Potter books. Go on, judge me. I went to the Y a bunch of times, but then got knocked off course big time after the hospital and then with GI appointments and ultrasounds and surgery. I did not go to Asheville to ask about classes (on next week's to-do list, assuming I'm feeling okay!) I didn't write ANY book reviews!!! But I have started some. I have to get back on the blogging horse, for real. I don't remember how many recipes I've tried, didn't keep track of that one at all. I didn't talk to Steph about Chapel Hill because my car is falling apart (literally - I keep finding little pieces of my undercarriage in the driveway...) so that's not in the cards right now. And I lost some weight - 7 pounds, not 10. But I'm counting that a success. 

Ignore apparent dirt/mess - this is not my bathroom, it just had a conveniently placed mirror.

This picture is saved in my computer as "Awful." I took it on a day when I thought my weight loss was actually showing - and then I saw this picture and realized I look preggo. Great! But really, I am losing weight. Slowly but surely.

As for this month's goals: 

1. Call my friends more. Most of my friends texted me or reached out to me on facebook yesterday to wish me a happy birthday. Stephanie called me, and after I hung up I felt so good having spent a little while just talking to my friend and actually hearing her voice. It is nice to actually laugh with your friend instead of typing out a stale "lol." I want to make calling my friends a priority. I'm sure it'll only happen once or twice a week, but that's still way more often than I currently manage. 

2. Along that same line of thought, write to my friends more. I used to do this all the time! But a few months ago I started slacking and I never really got back into it. 

3. Read six more books. I've read just under 20 books so far, which means I'm pretty much on track to reach my goal of 60 books this year! I need to make sure I keep up with it. 

4. REVIEW SOME DAMN BOOKS, CHARLOTTE. 

5. Lose eight pounds. 

6. Go to Asheville to look into classes.

7. Go kayaking at least three times.  

I'm hoping I can muster the energy to achieve these few goals. I purposely left my list a little short this month, just in case.    

bonus gif for your enjoyment

See ya next month, babettes.

__

Charlotte